Rules of Rebellion (Silencer)

One

I woke with a shock, trying to remember where I was... right, a small cabin on the edge of the river. Mica's head on my shoulder, breath even. How long had I been out? I rubbed my eyes with my fists, groaning slightly at the stiffness in my back. Mica didn't wake, her face still etched with purple smudges, the evidence of our god awful week. The tea had already gone cold with the embers of our fire last night. It was a warm summer for a change but the nights left us near popsicles.
I just opened the windows and drank the tea cold, no way was I going to sleep again. The image flashed in mind each time. Their eyes... my baby brother... hell what did we do to you.
Clarke though... my cup near hit the floor at the memory of him dead. Mica had been in such bad shape I couldn't let myself think on it but now... all I can do is hold my breath and pray I don't scream awake and frighten her.
She's been too quiet... it's driving me insane! She's never not been bossy or, just somethings not right.
"Jay?" She asked, quiet with sleep on her tongue still.
"Yeah?" I whispered and looked over my shoulder. "You ok?" She asked and I shrugged, another morning and another lie to her face. She's not going to put up with me and a part of me wants that so bad it's willing to scream. Mom won't stop until I watched her hanging from a noose like so many of my friends...
Her lips pursed but she didn't press, instead she packed up the bag and tried to push me out the door.
"No, no we're not going anywhere for a few days."
"What why?" She asked, my thumb brushing against the still blood stained skin.
"We both need some more sleep, and cleaning up to do. I don't like you running around with a bad concussion."
"Fine," she grumbled and took off her jacket, slamming it into the back of a chair with so much rage I knew those harsh days in winter would be a picnic to this.
"Alright, I can see you're not being fooled," I admitted, leaning my head against the kitchen cabinet.
"Yeah, and sitting here and moping to death will do nothing. We need to..."
"Do you remember what it was like? Closing your eyes in the valley? Because I can't..." I managed and watched her face shift at my clenched fists. "I can't remember anything but you, those nights you'd sit by the candlelight reading your bible, the real thing too. I miss those days like hell because it was the first chance I ever got to close my eyes and believe I wasn't... wasn't some damn pawn to everyone."
She pulled my head against her shoulder suddenly instead... she's slept by my side for three days now but this, this wasn't just for warmth or comfort. She missed the valley too.
I missed her from that place too, the girl I stole from her the moment I looked in the basement. Mica had become Trip and it was so hard to call her anything else now, it made me ache at the thought. "It's alright, we'll figure it out," she breathed and settled the conversation in her usual tone.
  Bombs shook the walls of the building again, the usual noise we've become accustomed too with the firebombs dropping on the allies to my father. Mica hadn't commented on them much. She doesn't comment on much at all anymore.
Once we get out of town... then we'll figure ourselves out. But today... god what if I really did break her.
"It'll be ok Jay," she whispered, pulling me down beside her and there it was. My sense of security, content. She made things so much easier and with Clarke dead... it seemed like a reprieve to have her with me. I didn't deserve her company and I think she knew that now.
I didn't think I deserved anyone's company.
The kettle squeaked against the stove from the vibrations dropping drywall on our head. Both of us flinched while I made us some tea and breakfast with it.
"I want to keep going tomorrow," she whispered and I nodded.
Though it's never that easy and we happened to learn that the hard way.