Tommy inhaled deeply as he stares at the front door, Clementine held tightly in his clenched fingers.
"Are you... going to open the door?" Technoblade drawls from behind him.
Tommy hushes him, waving a dismissive hand. He's mourning.
"Yeah, mate, we've been standing outside for half an hour," Philza chimes in tiredly.
"I'm grieving ," Tommy huffs, "I- I just need a few more minutes, I'm nearly finished with depression."
"That the last stage?" Wilbur huffs, crossing his arms.
Tommy turns around to frown at the man. "No, I must reach acceptance."
"Well fucking hurry up," The hero rolls his eyes.
"You can't speedrun grief, Wilbur, that's just unhealthy," Tommy sighs in disappointment. Honestly, he's so uncultured.
Wilbur glares at him. "You're unhealthy, open the fucking door."
"I'm still going through my depression stage," Tommy glares back before turning to Philza, "Philza, tell him I'm going through my depression stage."
"Uh, he's going through his depression stage, Wil," Philza shrugs, shoulders slumping in exasperation.
"I'll kick the door down?" Technoblade offers.
" No!" Tommy hisses. "I- just give me a goddamn minute and I'll reach acceptance."
"You got five minutes," Wilbur grits out.
"You can't put a time on grief, you dick," Tommy scowls.
" Five minutes," The man repeats menacingly.
Tommy purses his lips, "Fine," He concedes.
He looks down at Clementine in his arms and prays.
" Clementine," He starts in a whisper, "Oh Clementine, please save me. I know you can do it, you have to save me, I don't think I'll make it if Tubbo gets his hands on me-"
Clementine blows a bubble.
"No, no, Clementine, listen. You need to save me-"
"I think he's gone back a step," Philza sighs behind him.
"Yeah, he's bargainin' again," Technoblade agrees.
"I'm not regressing," Tommy seethes, "I - I'm just, reaching acceptance," He pauses, "Slowly."
Clementine does a flip.
"I don't think that will work this time my daughter," Tommy sighs.
He takes a deep breath, standing to his full height as he turns back towards the three heroes.
"Soldiers, the greatest of mankind, and Wilbur," Tommy addresses, "This may be the end of me. You may have to carry on my legacy, carry on the pillar that I have built in this land, forage the fields for the fruits of my labour and conquer, in my name," He presses a fist to his chest.
The heroes stare at him.
"It was great knowing all of you," He sighs, "Except you Wilbur," He ignores the middle finger sent his way. "May you remember my legacy, my amazing quotes, my badass vigilantism and most of all my name-"
"TommyInnit!"
Oh fuck.
He didn't even manage to finish the final stage.
_____
Ranboo does not want to be a part of this.
He very much does not want to be a part of this. He wants you all to know this.
YOU ARE READING
TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death
Fanfiction⚠️ So, uh, this isn't actually my book lol ⚠️ I own absolutely nothing about this book, credits go to the proper author on ao3, eneliii. If you have proof that they're uncomfortable with it, please let me know and I'll take it down immediately :))...
