Gerard Is From Venus

Cooties

Both me and Frank are disgusted with how cutesy this chapter gets but you guys are supposed to be fan girls so you can suck it up. Okk. Also I think they’re 15 and 16 now but I’m really not sure. I may have told you Frank’s age at one point and G’s a year older so, work it out yourselves. We’re gonna say Frank’s 15. W0w I’m gonna be a good writer one day go continuity! Also, and this AU is getting long now, I kknow but (butt) there’s one bit that I feel gets kind of weird but it was supposed to be funny but it feels more like it might just be weird. I’ll apologise for that in advance.

Gerard and Frank have been what Gerard calls best friends for three years when it happens. Frank is grounded.

It’s a new experience for Frank since usually when he’s bad his mother simply sends him to the kennels, which is different from being grounded because he has lots of friends there and he can growl at any of the visitors he likes from behind the glass and they can’t do anything to stop him. Being grounded though, is when Frank is not allowed to leave the house for a week and he has to eat broccoli with his dinner even on Mondays. 

On the first day of being grounded Frank ties himself to the staircase by his ankles and hangs upside down until his mother comes home from work. She calls him a wicked child and cuts him down, which is good because his nose had begun to bleed.

On the second day he goes into the garden, which is still his property so he’s allowed to play there, and collects bugs with his pooter and quadrat, shoving them all into the big bucket they sometimes use to wash the car. Once the bucket is full he goes back into the house so that he can really get started with his plan.

Later that day, Frank is sent to the Way’s house, where he will carry out the rest of his sentence.

-

After three days fun filled adventures with the Way’s, Frank’s mother turns up on their doorstep. She looks sad but she isn’t drunk and there’s no strange man for Frank to bight so he decides to do what the alien mother always says she’s doing, and counts his blessings. She tells Frank to get his shoes quickly, so Frank leaves bare foot to follow his human mother across the lawn and into the car. Frank asks if he can drive but his human mother tells him not to test her patience. 

They drive for a few blocks, Frank enjoying the rush of air on his cheeks as he sticks his head out of the window, his mother tossing him disappointed looks and gripping the steering wheel so tight her knuckles look like they are about to burst out through her skin. 

They stop at the church Frank’s human mother used to make him go to before he started complaining that is angered the beast within him. This was what the alien mother calls a white lie, Frank really thought the church smelt bad but he didn’t want to hurt Jesus’s feelings by saying it. Frank holds his breath discreetly as they enter for the same reasons. 

Promptly, he is grabbed and tied to the alter. Frank kicks and scratches a bit but it’s really okay because his stomach gets that swooping, dare devil drop feeling when he’s swung around. He spits at the priest as he stands over him and then goes cross-eyed. 

“You know I wasn’t sure before,” the priest says, “But now I’m convinced of his wickedness. Sister, pass me the holy water.”

Frank grins. 

The next hour is the best hour of Frank’s life. By the time it’s passes the priest is passed out in a pool of his own urine on the floor and the Nun has taken a permanent leave. His human mother is sitting a few pews away with her hands covering her face, she’s shaking slightly. When she looks up Frank can see that she’s laughing. Frank frowns and chews on his tongue. She comes to untie him and, much to Frank’s horror, encases him in a warm embrace. He shrugs his shoulders and squirms around until she lets him go. Then they go get ice cream.