Joyful Pains

1

Loud clanking and whirring surrounded me as my heart leaped out of my chest. An additional siren was getting louder and a headache started to form. I was moving quickly. My eyelids flew open to find any indication of my surroundings but all I could see was black. My already heavy breaths quickened in fright. 

Where was I?

I tried to think of why I would be in the dark. But when I looked for any recollections and memories I found nothing. An empty pit that went on forever. Everything was gone.

Who was I?

The question repeated in my head until it sunk in. I didn't even know who I was. What was my name? My birthday? My favourite colour? I had no memories of who I was or what I was like. I was blank and empty. I was unknown.

My eyes stung with tears as I covered my head with my hands. I didn't know anything about myself. I was in a dark fast-moving thing with no memories. My chest rose and fell quickly as panic set in. I searched every part of my brain for anything but I came back empty. I didn't know my parents, my family, my friends, or where I lived.

For eternity I sat wide-eyed and hyperventilating. Maybe I just wasn't trying enough to get to the memories. 

I yelled in frustration as I rocked back and forth. 

"Just give me anything!" I shouted into the nothingness. 

I don't give a damn if my brain could only give me something like my favourite colour. I needed something. Something to tell me I was a real person, that I was someone. I needed to hold onto something, something real. But I was being given nothing and it scared me. Will, I ever remember?

The floor under me was a mismatch of small holes in metal. I could feel the metal digging into my knees, not that it was my primary concern. I was more focused on how fast whatever I was on was going. My heart was out of my chest and I was getting dizzy. 

I'm motion sick. 

I laughed bitterly as I picked up this information and folded it into a safe corner of my mind. It was all I knew and it would be treasured. Who knew if I would ever know anything else about myself?

Whatever I was in was only speeding up and I felt something start to climb up my throat. I made a gagging sound before I realized I was going to puke. I bent over to face the ground before all the contents of my stomach were emptied. My hands were gripping the floor so hard that they ached. 

I needed the movement to stop.

I put a hand out before me and searched for anything to ground me. I swung my arm in front of me before it connected to a sharp corner. I quickly shuffled toward it moving my hand around the object in slow motion. My hand grazed where two metal plates connected. I concluded it was a box of some sort seeing as I honestly couldn't think straight.

Moving from the plain box and trying to keep my mind off the movement I searched for something else. I put my hand out again only for it to this time connect with a flat surface. It felt cold to the touch and a metallic smell radiated off of it. 

I moved my hand around to find an end but I only found it connecting to an identical metal wall. My only assumption was I was in a box. I was in a moving box with no light. Thank goodness I'm not claustrophobic. 

Another fact I tucked away into the back of my brain.

I held onto the floor as I pushed myself into the corner of the box. I put my back flush to one wall and used the holes on the floor to get a better grip. I held onto the floor with every inch of strength I had, trying to not vomit a second time. My fingers were starting to hurt at the strength I was putting into my grip on the floor, the metal digging into my palms.