The Tip of the Tongue (Put Me Back Together)

Act 1: Part 1: A Pair of Scissors

It's surprisingly your English teacher who pushes you to audition to some school called Hollywood Arts.

She smiled at you, gently in a way you finally felt someone was looking at you. "You surprised me, I would have never expected that to come out of you."

In the beginning, you blushed heavily at her praise, but as she handed you an audition flyer to this fancy performing arts high school you scoff at her naïvety. One performance and she believes you are going to be some famous spoken word poet.

Still, your stomach churns at her implications. You're not special. You wrote that poem in the dark on the bus ride home while trying to desperately stay awake so you wouldn't miss your stop. The sad excuse of chicken scratch you called your writing smeared when the lousy person next to you spilled their water on you during a sharp turn. It wasn't good, you think about the moment you met eyes at the boys laughing in the back of the room and your throat closes up.

It wasn't good.

You're not a slam poet, hell you wouldn't even consider yourself a writer. You're not special. You know this, however, as she continually pushes the flyer into your hands you feel the slightest of hope you can make it. You can't help but resent her for this.

"Mia, I know you don't believe what I say, but you were meant more for this. Don't let this slip by."

You go to the auditions just to get her off your back. You forget about it, until weeks later after you graduated from middle school, you get a letter addressed from Hollywood Arts High school.

Congratulations! On behalf of the faculty and the Admissions Committee, it gives me great pleasure to offer you admission at Hollywood Arts High School.

Holy shit.

~~~~~

Nothing changes as you transition from middle school to high school. Beyond the raging hormones that come with puberty that have seemingly settled within your classmates, you do what you do best and remain hidden in plain sight.

Despite being a part of a performing arts high school, you find it easy to stay in the background when you are surrounded by psychos named Fawn Liebowitz and boys whose whole personality revolves around a puppet.

You don't mind it. You keep your head down and try to stay out of trouble. The social hierarchy of Hollywood Arts is slowly being established for your class and people like Meredith quickly rise to the top with their looks, but others find a spot with their sheer talent.

One of them is a girl named Jade West.

She's the first in your class to pass the Bird Scene, she's also the first in Hollywood Arts history to pass it in her first attempt. After that, everyone wants to be her friend. Even the senior class flocks around her for a while until her glares scare them. Of course, she also attracts your attention. She's beautiful in a similar way Meredith is, but she's different. Her scissor-decorated locker was one of the reasons she was previously on the lower end of the social hierarchy. but no one can deny her sheer talent.

You take longer to pass the Bird Scene, five attempts to be exact, but when you finally get it, it's exhilarating. It's the feeling of standing on the edge of the diving board, right before you jump in and finally let go. It's a lesson that makes you lock yourself in the janitor's closet crying in a sort of cathartic relief. You begin to believe that maybe you belong here.

After taking choir for the past five years, you feel most comfortable in your Music Theory. While your newly acquired violin gives you a bit of a headache, it's nothing compared to your Acting class. You feel as graceful as a newborn calf as your classmates run circles around you as though they have been doing this since they were three (they probably have). That's another thing you have noticed, how different your new school is from your old one.

To put it short, the people here have money, way more money than you could ever dream of. Their parents put them in some sort of dance, music, or acting class since they were toddlers. They live, breathe, and eat their specialties.

You feel small, inadequate, especially since all the experience you've received came from your old school which is located in the poorer parts of Los Angeles. You not only noticed this in terms of education, but you notice this in what they wear and how they speak.

You feel like you will never fit in, but you don't want to go back- you can't go back.

You can feel the dream in a way you feel a forgotten word on the tip of your tongue. Longing, need, and frustration. It's a childhood dream you had nearly forgotten about but now it's right there, closer than ever before so you work hard in your classes. You turn that C in Acting into a B, you play the violin until calluses have formed under your fingertips, and you soak up every writing suggestion your teachers give you.

It almost feels like it's enough but then reality hits.

Your first year ends and you're trapped in your little apartment with your mother and her terrible boyfriend. You're stuck and no amount of work can make that feeling go away.

~~~~~

You're ready to begin your sophomore year, ready to receive any sort of validation you never get at home. However, you're not necessarily ready to receive the consequences for such validation.

Your already fragile emotions aren't prepared for the chaotic energy of Hollywood Arts. The first day back feels like being plugged into a shock blender. Overall, it takes longer than you care to admit to get back into the rhythm of school. When you're finally comfortable, an impending sort of done settles in your bones. It's the same feeling you get when you're home alone with-

"Mia Alejo." Your teacher pauses and looks around the room. "You'll be partners with Beck Oliver."

Your brain stutters for a moment as you stare at the boy across the room. He gives you a subtle nod in acknowledgment and you quickly move your eyesight to the floor. A scissor locker comes to mind but before you can protest about this partnership, your teacher moves on to the next pair.

Jade West and Beck Oliver have been dating since the start of your freshman year. You don't know when or how they got together. What you do know is how jealous and protective Jade can be. The last girl who looked at Beck the wrong way- the wrong way at least to Jade- had half her hair chopped off the next day. No one could pin it on Jade, but everyone knew she did it.

You whimper softly as you pet your hair. Maybe you will look good bald?

The bell rings signaling the end of your class and Beck makes his way towards you. You sniffle and pull on the ends of your hair. Your curly hair gives you a lot of trouble but you like your hair. You don't want to part with your hair. One F won't wreck your grade, right?

Decision made, you grab your backpack and push people out of the way to get out of the classroom faster. You ignore the pleading look Beck sends you from across the classroom and run off to your next class.