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THE PEARL-SUB UMBRA, OR SPORT AMONG THE SHE-NOODLES

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SUB-UMBRA, OR SPORT AMONG THE SHE-NOODLES. 

The merry month of May has always been famous for its propitious influence over the voluptuous 

senses of the fairer sex. 

I will tell you two or three little incidents which occurred to me in May, 1878, when I went to visit my 

cousins in Sussex, or as I familiarly call them, the She-Noodles, for the sport they afforded me at various 

times. 

My uncle's is a nice country residence, standing in large grounds of its own, and surrounded by small 

fields of arable and pasture land, interspersed by numerous interesting copses, through which run 

footpaths and shady walks, where you are not likely to meet anyone in a month. I shall not trouble my 

readers with the name of the locality, or they may go pleasure hunting for themselves. Well, to go on, 

these cousins consisted of Annie, Sophie, and Polly, beside their brother Frank, who, at nineteen, was 

the eldest, the girls being, respectively, eighteen, sixteen, and fifteen. After dinner, the first day of my 

arrival, paterfamilias and mamma both indulged in a snooze in their armchair, whilst us boys and girls (I 

was the same age as Frank) took a stroll in the grounds. I attached myself more particularly to cousin 

Annie, a finely developed blonde, with deep blue eyes, pouting red lips, and a full heaving bosom, which 

to me looked like a perfect volcano of smothered desires. Frank was a very indolent fellow, who loved to 

smoke his cigar, and expected his sisters, who adored him, to sit by his side, reading some of the novels 

of the day, or tell him their love secrets, &c. This was by far too tame an amusement for me, and as I had 

not been there for nearly three years, I requested Annie to show me the improvements in the grounds 

before we went in to tea, saying to Frank, banteringly, "I suppose, old fellow, you're too, lazy, and would 

prefer your sister taking me round?" 

"I'm too comfortable; lazy is an ugly word, Walter, but the fact is, Soph is just reading a most interesting 

book, and I can't leave it," he replied; "besides, sissie is quite as well, or better qualified than I am to 

show off the grounds. I never notice anything." 

"Come on, Annie," said I taking her hand; "Frank is in love." 

"No, I'm sure he never thinks of a girl, except his sisters," was the reply. 

We were now out of earshot, in a shady walk, so I went on a little more freely. "But, surely you, coz, are 

in love, if he is not. I can tell it by your liquid eye and heaving bosom." 

A scarlet flush shot over her features at my allusion to her finely moulded bosom, but it was evidently 

pleasing, and far from offensive, to judge by her playfully spoken, "Oh! Walter, for shame, sir!" 

We were a good distance away by this time, and a convenient seat stood near, so throwing my arms 

around the blushing girl, I kissed her ruby lips, and drawing her with me, said, "Now, Annie, dear, I'm 

your cousin and old playfellow, I couldn't help kissing those beautiful lips, which I might always make 

free with when we were little boy and girl together; now you shall confess all before I let you go." 

"But I've nothing to confess, sir." 

"Do you never think of love, Annie? Look me in the face if you can say it's a stranger to your bosom," 

putting my hand familiarly round her neck till my right hand rested on one of the panting globes of her 

bosom. 

She turned her face to mine, suffused as it was by a deeper blush than ever, as her dark blue eyes met 

mine, in a fearless search of my meaning, but instead of speaking in response to this mute appeal, I 

kissed her rapturously, sucking in the fragrance of her sweet breath till she fairly trembled with emotion. 

It was just beginning to get dusk, my hands were caressing the white, firm flesh of her beautiful neck, 

slowly working their way towards the heaving bubbies a little lower down; at last I whispered, "What a 

fine, what a lovely bust you have developed since I saw you last, dear Annie, you won't mind your 

cousin, will you, when everything used to be so free to each other; besides, what harm can there be in 

it?" 

She seemed on fire, a thrill of emotion seemed to shoot through both of us, and for several moments 

she lay almost motionless in my arms, with one hand resting on my thigh. Priapus was awake and ready 

for business, but she suddenly aroused herself, saying, "We must never stop here, let us walk round or 

they will suspect something." 

"When shall we be alone again, darling? We must arrange that before we go in," I said quickly.

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