Corazon Perdido
A novel writer by:
xxakanexx
Alpha Series 2: Book # 01
Future Husband
IT was not easy. At times, I still ask myself why I pushed you away. I miss you every day. I always sleep at night still thinking about your arms around me. I never told you this, but it is when I am enclosed in your protective arms that I feel the safest, with you around, I feel that I could be me, the me that I have been hiding, with you, I did not feel the need to be strong or to suppress my feelings, it is just that, at that moment, I wasn't ready. I did not know when I would be ready, and so, I let you walk away, even though my heart was torn into million pieces, my love. I always pray that you had come back for me. That was what you promised me before, but now I understand that even the most patient man has its limit.
I miss you. It is the third year that you did not show up in our place. I miss you, my love. I hope you are happy. Even though I am hurting this much, I only wish for you happiness. That is how much I love you. I wanna see you happy, even though you are not with me. I know that you can find the one thing I could never give you. I hope you find it soon.
Loving you still...
Rafaelle...
I do not know how many times I have written about my lost heart in my most treasured notebook. Diaries are trend of the 80's but I still keep one. This notebook is the only thing that knows about my real feelings and my deepest darkest secrets. Most importantly, this notebook here is the only witness of how I wrecked my own heart. I still cry about it, I still regret my decision. Kunsabagay, kasalanan ko naman iyon. I was too afraid to take it to the next level. I was also too comfortable. Naniwala akong kaya niya akong hintayin kahit na anong mangyari, na mamahalin niya pa rin ako kahit na sa isang taon ay isang linggo lang kaming magkasama. Akala ko kaya naming dalawa, akala ko makakapghintay siya hanggang sa kaya ko nang unahin ang sarili kong kasiyahan; He knows about my fears, and he knows about my reason. He was patient enough to love me despite of all my flaws. He was ready to give me the world, he was willing to do everything for me. I had him wrapped around my delicate fingers, but I gave it all up. I thought he would still wait for me. I was too confident that he loves me too much, that he could never live without me in his life.
Well, I got it all wrong.
My love got tired. He wanted me to marry him – that was something I am not ready to give into yet. Akala ko kahit na anong mangyari ay maiintindihan niya ako, hindi rin pala. I hate it. I was too hurt, but I realized that I deserve that too because I have taken him for granted, and now, I am here, alone, cold, and uncertain of so many things around me. Tama nga iyong sinasabi ng matatanda, nasa huli ang pagsisisi.
I held my breathe when I heard a faint knock on my door. I wiped my tears, hid the notebook inside my dresser's drawer and went back to the bed. Nagtalukbong ako ng kumot. I didn't even have the chance to check on the time because I was too busy wallowing in my own pain, pero alam kong umaga na. Hindi na naman ako nakatulog.
Seconds later, I felt a warm hand caressing my shoulder. I was still under the sheets, the next I heard is my mom's sweet voice.
"Yafa, baby, come, it's morning already. Have breakfast na." I pretended that I just woke up. I even yawned as I show my mom my face.
