One Shots - Claire Browne and Neil Melendez

Comfort

Summary: A patient pulls a gun at the hospital, but only to shoot himself. Neil refuses to let Claire be alone as she was one of the only people who saw him shoot himself. 

He had insisted that she stayed over. And his guest bedroom was nice, she had to admit that. She hadn't even gotten under the covers yet, because she knew that it would only lead to hours of laying wide awake, trapped in her own thoughts. She was trying so hard not to think about it, but it was inevitable. 

She had put on a facade in front of Neil, not wanting to worry him more. But she knew it was just a matter of time before she broke down, now that she was alone. 

They had just gone their separate ways five minutes ago. They hadn't stopped at Claire's place before heading over to Neil's, none of them had really even considered it, so Neil had gotten Claire a shirt she could sleep in. 

She reluctantly went over to the bed and crawled under the covers. At any other time, they would have been comforting, but she only felt trapped. Every time she closed her eyes, she could see his face and hear the sound of the gun going off. 

They had no idea how he had even gotten the gun in there, it shouldn't be possible. Things like those weren't supposed to happen. They could treat him, they could make him better. Despite the fact that Claire knew she shouldn't, she had grown attached to the man. Or, boy, more like, he was barely twenty. 

Neil had not let her be alone for one moment, well until now, he kept insisting that it was different than losing a patient in the OR, and he was right. She had done nothing but stare hopelessly at him as he had pulled the trigger with tears in his eyes. He had kept making sure she was okay before they both headed to bed. 

She was stunned, afterwards, she had rushed over to him despite very well knowing there was nothing she could do. 

She had no idea how much time passed, all she knew was that she was wide awake, trying not to break down. She knew she needed to talk to her therapist about it at some point, but that was too much to think about right now. 

After a lot of contemplating, and after being alone in the unfamiliar room became too much, she found herself walking to the hallway.  

Without really thinking, she found herself knocking on the door to Neil's bedroom within a couple of minutes. 

The door opened before her, and she immediately muttered an apology, realizing that she probably shouldn't be there. 

"There's nothing to apologize for, come in," He gestured, glancing worriedly at her expression. 

Neil sat down on the bed, he didn't look like he had been sleeping much either. Claire stood awkwardly a couple of meters away, not entirely sure what she had thought when she decided to wander to his room in the middle of the night. 

"What's wrong?" 

Claire took a shaky breath. "I just-" She didn't even know what she was trying to say. Neil patiently waited for her to continue, giving her the time she needed. 

"I was just standing there. If I had noticed the gun earlier, I could have stopped him. If I had just acted quicker, he might still be here," She looked up at the ceiling, trying not to break into tears. 

"Claire, none of it was your fault. The kid was depressed, no matter what you did, you couldn't have saved him, he was in too deep, he needed professional help. And no matter what we do we won't always be able to save everyone. It was not your fault, Claire," He stated, making sure to get eye contact with her so she knew he meant it. 

"You weren't there," She sniffled. "The look on his face when he-" She paused to breathe. "He looked at me when he pulled the trigger, Neil," She said, looking down at him. 

"None of it was directed at you, Claire. He was looking at you because you were standing right in front of him, no matter what you had done, you couldn't have stopped him, his death is not in your hands. We're surgeons, we can make people's bodies hold a little bit longer, but we can't cure mental illness," He spoke softly. Rationally, she knew he was right, and someday she might believe it herself, but the memory was too new, the feelings too alive for her to really process it. She was still in shock. 

She sat down beside him and sighed. "Episodes like that would be traumatic for any of us, and I know it must be especially hard, you seemed to get through to him. I think he liked you," Neil tried to reassure her. 

They had both known what was between them wasn't strictly platonic. It hadn't been for a while. And though their relationship had grown, there were still strict physical boundaries. They barely touched, really, and Neil wanted to reach out and take Claire in his arms, he did, really badly. But that cowardly side of him still cared about those boundaries, even in a situation like this. 

"I know you think I get too attached sometimes-" Claire started, but Neil cut her off. 

"I don't care about any of that right now. Your dedication to your patients is just making you a better doctor." He said and smiled softly at her. 

Claire looked at him and took another shaky breath. 

"Can I just-?" She leaned closer to him, and without verbally answering, he took her in his arms, damn those boundaries, they didn't mean a percentage to him of what Claire did. Seeing her like this crushed him, and he was trying to be there for her as much as he could. 

Claire hadn't even realized she had started crying before her wet cheeks came in contact with Neil's t-shirt, but she was too tired to care. 

They slowly laid back down on the bed, still with Claire's head on Neil's shoulder. He stroked her hair and arm slowly while she sobbed quietly