Chapter 13

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April 2014

Taylor wakes up gasping in a panic, heart beating rapidly caused by the unknown contact gripping her shoulder. Kicking away from the side of the bed was on she finally realizes it is only Karlie standing over.

“Jesus Christ, it’s okay! It’s me!” Karlie exclaims quickly pulling her hand away.

Taylor sits up shaking, putting her head in her hands taking deep breaths. “You can’t do that. How did you even get in here?”

“I have been calling you all morning… I thought… Well I had the number for one of your security guys because of the road trip. They let me in. I’m sorry I didn’t think it would scare you,” Karlie explains, gingerly sitting on the edge of the bed now, unsure if she should reach out to Taylor.

“I just have… There is a reason for me having security. It’s alright, I just went to sleep knowing no one else was in my apartment,” Taylor says, her heart beating loudly against her chest still causing her voice to sound shaky.

Karlie can’t help herself now, and leans over to rub her hand up and down Taylor’s tense back. “You’re okay,” Karlie says softly. “No one could ever get in here.”

“I know,” Taylor replies, lifting her head up now, feeling embarrassed by her reaction.

“Oh, Taylor,” Karlie says sadly, moving her hand from the older girl’s back to her cheek, wiping with her thumb.

Taylor realizes it must be runny eye makeup from last night’s tears, and quickly leans away from the model to wipe at her own cheeks.

“What time is it?” Taylor asks, desperate for Karlie to do anything but focus on her trying to wipe away tear stains from last night.

“It’s past eleven, that’s why I called your security. I know you always wake up before me, and you weren’t answering the phone, I just thought…” Karlie trails off.

“I just didn’t get much sleep last night,” Taylor replies evenly.

“I got a lot of sleep,” Karlie readily replies. Taylor stares at her friend for a long moment, knowing what Karlie is trying to say.

“Josh didn’t stay over?” Taylor asks, trying to sound neutral.

“He did, but we didn’t… I didn’t… I went to sleep early,” Karlie replies, sounding unsure of how to phrase her sentence.

“Oh,” Taylor replies guardedly.

“Are you mad at me?” Karlie asks quietly, still sitting resigned to her edge of the bed.

“No,” Taylor sighs. “I have no reason to be mad at you. I’m glad Josh is making an effort.”

“You are?” Karlie asks incredulously. She shouldn’t feel hurt by the statement, but she is surprised to find that she is.

“Yeah, I mean I want you to have a nice boyfriend,” Taylor replies, now lying back down in her bed, pulling the blankets up to her chin while staring up at the ceiling.

There is a brief moment of silence before Karlie says, “I didn’t know he was coming.”

“I know, I’m glad he surprised you. It was nice,” Taylor replies, keeping an even tone. There came a point last night when she decided she shouldn’t be crying over her best friend, ever. What they had been doing together just wasn’t realistic, and it wasn’t safe for the longevity of their friendship. On top of all of that, Taylor was reminded just how risky her secret with Karlie was to keep while they were photographed together yesterday. They were safe at Big Sur, but this was New York City, the real world. The singer knew how unlikely it would be to hide something with the younger girl under such scrutiny, and whatever that ‘something’ was that they had, Taylor knew it wasn’t something she would ever want to go public with.

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