23- Miserable Business

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You lie in bed for the rest of the day. Sleep comes in conscious dozing, just hovering on the verge before snapping out of it. Bruno brings you water and food, but no words are exchanged. You think you're angry at him, but honestly are you? It's exhausting, throwing punches and yelling, only to collapse moments later in tears. You're not stong, you know that, but you refuse to admit that you are weak. Bruno sees through you, you know that, you can see it in his eyes when you scream at him, the acceptance of it all. He looks at peace with your emotions, even if you're not. Bruno is the level sands of the beach, and you are the waves that crash upon them, seeking to destroy but ultimately achieving nothing. 

You roll over when Bruno leaves a glass of water at your bedside, pulling up the cover to try and hide yourself from him. He takes the empty glass and you think he's leaving when the mattress dips and you feel Bruno's hand seeking yours through the sheets.

"I'm sorry, for what I did..." he begins slowly, testing the waters. You roll onto your back and sit up, 

"For my nose? Don't worry about it, this is the least I deserve."

Bruno shakes his head, the light bounces off his hairclips and grips to the shine of his hair, "It's not that. I meant- actually, I think you know."

You can only nod. 

"So," He changes the subject, "We're going to be together the next couple of days, right?"

"Giorno- I mean the Don- said as much."

"You can call him Giorno, I think the formality can make him uneasy." 

You glance around at the room, the curtains flutter like wings, the dust in the air is illuminated, to the point where it almost looks like fireflies are floating around you. You smile. "Have you known Giorno long?"

"A couple of years, but really it feels like ages. Since Giorno turned up, it's been one crazy thing after another. I'm surprised I came out of it with my life." Bruno looks distant. 

"I heard it was him who killed the old Don, that you were with him when it happened." 

Bruno's finger circles the rim of the empty glass, "There were six of us, though it had been seven at some point."

"Six?"

"Me, Giorno, Abbachio, Narancia, Mista and a girl called Trish."

You watch Bruno's face, it seems to have aged during the conversation, but his eyes look alive with memories, nostalgia is shining in his irises. "Who's Trish?"

"She was the Boss's daughter, I don't know where she is now. She left shortly after, I had offered her a place with me, but she probably went somewhere far away- she'll have a new name now I'm guessing." Bruno shrugged, "But that was her decision, and she'll be happier out of this miserable business." 

You sit up straighter, pulling your knees up. "You said there used to be seven- did one of you... Did somebody die?"

"No, no, we were all quite lucky. There was Fugo," Bruno laughs suddenly, "He was actually a lot like you."

You raise your eyebrows, "Really?" 

"He flew off the handle at anything, had these outbursts like how you do. He couldn't control them, no matter how hard he tried, in the end I think that made him even angrier." 

You nod slowly, trying to imagine Fugo in your place, acting like how you did.

"What happened?"

"He left us. When we decided to betray the Boss, Fugo said goodbye. He wasn't particularly loyal to the Boss, he was just a kid- he was scared." Bruno looks at you, "I think you're the same."

"I'm not scared."

"You aren't? Can you truly say that? I think you lash out because you know you aren't strong enough, so you pretend to be more dangerous than you are. I think you're exhausted from trying, but you won't let yourself be vulnerable." 

Bruno gently examines your wound, skin barely touching yours, "Is that why you told him- about your team? Because you were scared?"

"I- I would never, I would never get them killed to protect myself- How could you say that?"

"Shh, It's ok," Bruno soothes you, and you take a deep breathe. Be vulnerable, isn't that what he just said? You sigh and drop the act. 

"I never said you were scared for yourself, weren't you scared for them? Knowing what the Boss would do?" Bruno smiles, "It was a mistake, it's over now."

"They're dead..because of me, Bruno-" You're in his arms a moment later, and he's whispering in your ear.

"It's ok, you're safe."

"I'm sorry for lying to you, I was jealous of you, and so terrifired of what people would think of me. I just wanted everyone to be happy and all I did was hurt you. I- I'm sorry."

Bruno pulls away, and you're left shivering, crying, begging for him to hold you again.

"You don't have to lie anymore, I promise everything will be ok."

"Do you really forgive me?"

Bruno can't meet your eye when you say that, but you can tell. That no, it's not over just like that, he's still furious at you. He swallows and forces a smile, but it's strained and his eyes are as dead as ever. You look away,

"I don't expect forgiveness, but I hope you know I'm being genuine here."

"No more lying, promise?" He grips your hands tight, squeezing them between his own, it's a firm gesture, but a kind one. 

"I promise." 

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