Unhelpful Tips of Life

Lesson Two: Live-ing

You only live once (YOLO). Live life to the fullest.
Life is too short.

You hear these mantras on a daily basis. People encouraging you to do the things that you wanted to do. People wanting you take risk. People wanting you to be out of your safe zone. People being people forcing you to do things that you might regret or love in the end.

I always belive, indeed, life is too short yet the journey is not. Life is unpredictable, one day you are laughing the other day you'll cry. One day you'll reap the fruits of your success, last time you are struggling. One day you are in love, the next day you are heart broken. That's life you just have to live by it.

Growing up people expect me to be an outstanding person, a smart individual and an accomplished one in the end. My life is already planned, I have to take up BS Medical Technology then pursue being a doctor after taking the board examination. If in any case, I did not pass the entrance examination for Medical Technology, the only other option is taking up Law.

Since I am expected to be smart, during my elementary and high school days my grades should not be below 88. I should be on the first section of the class and on top 10 after every grading period. I have to maintain my scholarship and do extra curricular activities. I have to do all these things day by day.

College comes. The brightest and smartest on the other side of the city is competing for the spot. I did not pursue being a doctor, I am too afraid with cutting and opening someone's body. Fortunately, by some odds I passed the BS Accountancy program.

First day, introduction, all my classmates are valedictorian and salutatorian of their respective schools. Some have the longest name with an International School, Exclusive School, Upper School of and some other intimidating school names not to mention they have gadgets and books which are very pricy. While me on the farthest side of the classroom, people only assume and expect me to be smart or per se lucky. I was in there taking every moment and asking myself if I made the right decision. To add some pressure the program has a cut-off grade of 83 and General Weighted Average (GWA) should not go below 85. Is this still the right decision, cause honesty, I am ready to pack my things and go home.

To cut the story short, I graduated BS Accountancy and placed myself on top of our class. Take the licensure examination and passed it. However I did not pass the examination on my first take, I did it on my second take.

My first licensure examination. The first part of my review class is smooth, I am able to participate with the discussion. I am able to answer the review questionnaires. However, as times goes by, I feel left out. I am so behind with the Liabilities and Equity topic that I spend too much time on the subject. I wake up with Liabilities and sleep with Equity, it is an unending process. Pre-board came and I manage to be on top. I am confident that I can pass the licensure examination. Unfortunately, the day before the examination I was not able to sleep well. I was awake for the whole night, rolling on the bed, jumping on the side and hiding myself in the closet just to sleep. Well, fate said no, you must take another exam. In that moment, I have accepted defeat.  It felt like the end of the world for in that moment, the struggles and hardships came back. The way I insisted on taking the program rather what my parents want. Yes, I felt stupid and foolish. Embarrassment filled the air and people asking what happened does not make it so good. Every day that question hunts me down.

Yes. At that time I was hurt and questioned myself, where did I go wrong. I did not take the board exam after that incident. I am hurting and in pain at that moment I don't want to rub it in. I do not want to make myself believe that I am okay. That it was just a little bump or a detour from what I wanted in life. I know I have done my best and sacrificed nights and days for the review. Thinking about it makes me cry. I doubted myself after that moment. I cried and got tired waking up the next few days. That's pain, you just have to live with it and feel it until it hurts no more.

A year has gone by and I prepared myself for that moment. I get up and studied for the exam. Nights turned into days just to finish a lesson. I focused myself on the goal, the three letters after my name, CPA.

On the last day of the examination I know to myself that I have passed the examination. I am a CPA. I have claimed it already.

After a few days, the results came out and yes I am a CPA.

Four years of college and 2 years review school, to be honest, I have missed a lot of opportunities in those times. I have never been drunk in my college life. I have never been in a bar. I have never kissed someone. I am too obsessed fulfilling the expectations set by other person to me. I was too busy asking for affirmation that I am great as a person. I am too naive to taint my credentials. I am happy watching people becoming the person they wanted to be.

You can always complain on what was supposed to happen and how it should have been done but what is done is done; so let it all be in the past and create a future that you want this time.

Live your life to leave a mark.