BEAUTY SCARS

HEART TO HEART

Guran left Kaede at the hospital early. Something in the man's attitude was different.

"Will you be waiting on the tenth floor?"

"No, I have a few things to do. I'll pick you up at one."

Kaede got out of the car, took a few steps, and turned. Guran drove away; the man didn't even wait for Kaede to enter the building, in a reboot of what he did when their relationship began. The gesture left Kaede with an odd sensation. Perhaps he was just in a hurry to finish the work he had. Still, Kaede felt the formation of a little knot in her stomach.

She went straight to Dominque's room. Kaede chose an early visit as she didn't wish to be swamped by the Miguens clan. They were lovely folk, and Kaede appreciated how they made her feel she was part of their family, but the woman knew her place. Her visit had a mission, one which consisted of seeing if Dominque was well; after this, Kaede counted on tending to her life.

The woman found herself face to face with Dominque's father. Unlike the other family members, the man rarely spoke to her. He spent his time observing Kaede from the corner of his eye. Kaede got the impression he didn't appreciate her much.

"Hello."

"I need to go to the toilet; stay with him."

Not knowing what reaction would be appropriate, she nodded, and the man left.

Alone with Dominque, Kaede walked up to the side of the bed. He breathed by himself that alone was a victory; he slept peacefully. Kaede knew he woke up the day before; speaking tired him out. For the moment dreaming was his main occupation.

"Hey, you gave us a big fright this week. Don't do things like that, Dominque. I'm glad you are back. I hope you make the best of this second chance and thrive in life because that's what I'm going to do from now on. Thankㅡ."

Kaede jolted back, startled to feel Dominque grasp her hand, "you tell me to come back to you," he took a deep breath, "and then you come and say goodbye."

"Dominque," Kaede smiled. She was pleased to hear him.

During this time, Dominque did not drift in the corridor between life and death, looking for a light. He was present; he heard all the voices that buzzed daily in his room. Amongst them, one stood out, Kaede's voice hummed in his ear, reminding the man he still had some unfinished business in the world of the living.

"Don't go nowhere, Kaede. We haven't finished our conversation."

At that instant, Dominque's father entered the room, "hablaste con ella? [Did you speak to her?]"

Dominque gave a crooked smile, and his father shook his head in disapproval. The room soon filled with Dominque's family.

The patient contented himself by watching Kaede interact with everyone. Dominque had a second chance; this time, he wouldn't mess up. Only fools don't change their ways, and Dominque had the firm intention of proving he was the right man.

At one, Guran came as promised, once more an odd feeling gripped Kaede as she climbed in the car.

"Did you get to do everything you needed?" Kaede asked.

"Sort of; I went to the office had a lot of things to catch up with."

"I'm sorry it's all my fault," Kaede felt guilty to have kept the man away from his responsibilities.

"No, I decided, Kaede, now I have to assume my choice. How did it go? Did you get to see him?"

"Yes, he's awake. There's no rejection for the moment. Everyone is keeping their fingers crossed. Hopefully, he'll be out at the end of the week."

"Good," Guran took a glance at her and continued to drive in silence.

Kaede still waited for the right timing to apologize for her conduct. The car didn't appear as an appropriate spot for that, and so she waited.

They arrived at Saint Germain, and Kaede's senses told her it was time to provoke the discussion, "Guran, can weㅡ."

"We need to talk," the man finished.

Kaede didn't know how to take the abrupt response still followed the man and sat on the couch.

"I'll start," since she was the one at fault, it seemed correct that it be her who opened the conversation. "I'm sorry, Guran. I wasn't myself this week. I said things that I shouldn't have and that I didn't mean. I was thoughtless. Every time I think of my behavior, I'm just so embarrassed," Kaede covered her face with both her hands and turned to face him again, "really, I have no excuse. I was am just such a bitch. I'm so sorry for what I put you through."

Guran took her hand, "I know it was a tough week for you, Kaede. I wanted to be there for you."

"You were, you were great, Guran. I wouldn't have survived without you."

"Kaede, I imagined I couldn't be affected by the situation, but I guess I overestimated my coping capacities. I thought I could overlook what was going on and don't get me wrong. I offered my help. I'm aware you didn't ask for anything. It's just right now; my thoughts aren't in a good place."

"What do you mean?"

"You know, I've never been on another stepping stone than the first place, but you, Kaede, you managed to make me feel like a runner up. Once again, I'm conscious I was the eager one, you told me your rupture was recent, and I accepted to be with you knowing I was a rebound.

Kaede furrowed her eyebrows, "you are not a rebound, Guran."

"But that's how you made me feel when you decided to give your kidney. I don't think you thought even once about how I would feel or how this could impact us."

"Guran," a tear rolled down Kaede's cheek as different scenes of the week replayed in her mind. Her reactions looked out of portion, almost outrageous. A cold sweat of regret slid down her back.

The woman wasn't ready, but could one be prepared for this. Guran's intense stare pierced a hole in Kaede's chest that throbbed with pain.

"I love you, Kaede. Being with you made me realize I never loved before. When I see what I'm willing to do for you, I feel in danger, and there's this insecurity that I can't shake off. I don't know, Kaede, when I look at you, I see the future. What do you see when you stare at me?"

Words, though they queued up to be expelled in her mouth. Kaede's lips remained tightly shut because something told her nothing she could say would be good enough.

Perhaps it was because Kaede knew she had taken too much without giving or sharing.

Guran cleared his throat, "I'm going to Milan for a new opening after I'll be in Pekin, Macau, Seoul, and Tokyo. I won't be back in Paris before a fortnight, see a month."

"You won't even make stops in Paris?"

"I only did that for you, Kaede."

Of course, flying out to the next destination was more logical, comfortable, and a cheaper option than coming back to Paris, but Guran did it. The woman began to wonder if they weren't other things the man did just for her.

"I think we need time," Guran furrowed his eyebrows in reflection, "I need time. Let's say it's my selfish asshole moment."

Kaede had no say in the decision Guran made. The woman faced another inexperienced scenario, and she had no friends to call for advice. Inside, the woman screamed her disagreement and wished to yell and refute like Guran did when she wanted to give Dominque a kidney, but something prevented her from speaking. The woman lived the scene like a spectator booing the female protagonist who fled instead of facing reality head-on.

"I know where my feelings stand, Kaede. I loved you yesterday; I love you more today. I know tomorrow they'll be another increase in the profound sentiments I carry," he lifted the hand he held and kissed her knuckles, "that's why I need to protect myself right now because I'm too vulnerable."

The man who rarely spoke opened his heart; the flood raged through Kaede's veins making her heart rate explode.

"I want to go home," was all the woman found to say.