I looked around me trying to fit myself in my surroundings, it all seemed so familiar yet so strange. I tried to breath, my lungs filled with air and as oxygen carbondioxide and something unfamiliar permeated to and fro my eyes widened. I grasped for something to hold and clenched what I found tightly. It felt cold on touch , I turned my head trying to accumulate the state I was in slowly moving over to the side of whatever I was lying on. It wasn't a bed and it wasn't a couch either. I turned and fell to the floor my arm yanked away from it's grip and blood slowly started erupting from wounds I had not known were there before. I nodded and sighed to myself vaguely remembering that this was normal, that this was my so called "morning ritual", If not for my own luck I heard thumping by now, thumping I might have ignored normally but today was a hazy day and I was on edge when I heard the scream of joy erupting from the next room.
She was at it again, fucking nymphomaniac. sometimes I wonder if dad didn't just leave because of that, cause mom was allways like this and dad never had any time, that being said it's not like he spent his time usefully he abused it like he did her, volatile psychotic and on hyperdrive or something. I didn't dare exit my room for one could never know what kind of man my mother had been rigging this time, sometimes these guys tried to include me in the play, I cowered in fear by the sheer force of the thought since mom wasn't so exclusive as to tell them I was underage or even say no to them in general.
Kind of troubled I started looking around for what should be a relief to this moment, suddenly I spotted my MP3 player it lay comfortably atop a pile of shirts I never wore cause they were ghastly, my mother had no sense for looks, and actually I didn't either but unlike my younger self I cursed the days on which people would start nitpicking about my looks, so despite my own repulsion from it I tried to look as fashionable as I could manage and with some magazines to my plight I pulled it off somewhat usually.
It played such delicate music into my ears. Word for word beat by beat it strummed my eardrums and it struck my heart. I was calm under the blazing flame that was the chorus. It all soothed me mentally, as if the notes themselves caressed my soul and brought it to comfort.
A desperate battle raged in my mind still between the eye that had hollowed out into my head looking speaking shouting ever so observant and well little me, little tiny puny me. the discussion flared at the sight of my window . Mother had installed bars in case I would wish to run if her lovers would turn their attention to me, she would have none of it, I was to take it and leave them violate my body as if it was hers, pass up my heart to some filthy scumbag who couldn't keep to himself. Sometimes even through all the abuse I wish dad had stayed , he was far better than all these men my mom dragged in. I tried to be positive and sustain a smile, that being said I tried to look positve I might have been the epitome of negativity but that's just cause I can't remember the last time I actually felt something other than hatred towards... well anything
30 songs had played by now and the thumping still hadn't stopped, this man had stamina I'd give him that, but I had missed the first class in school now and I was going to hear more from that than I could handle. It wasn't my fault it just wasn't , but nobody would care what would it matter to them anyway . I didn't show they were assholes it didn't matter whatsoever. I hate society and all it's rules and ignorance, there are thousands of rules but millions of exceptions and I can't stand that , nothing ever seems fair and otherwise it can be justified easily.
I put on clothes and ignored the noises comming from the other room . Then I looked into the mirror "Is that me?" I said it out loud, I don't know why but I just did. Wires crossed fast No that is not you , you're ugly and worthless that can't be you I quickly looked away , I couldn't be bothered to put on makeup or anything, It's not like anyone would pay attention to someone like me, they'd have to be crazy . I grabbed my bag and opened the door (not even checking wether everything I needed in school was inside) and made a run for the stairs. The noises from the other room stopped briefly, the man was asking something and my mom sighed and apparently pulled him back in. The noises continued again and I knew that for this day I was safe, maybe this was actually a man with sense... maybe.
When I got downstairs I couldn't even be bothered to eat anything even though I knew I'd be grumpy if I didn't eat anything, I just couldn't be bothered to stay in this hell hole any longer.
