Something Like Fall

Chapter III- November 2015

My friendship with Aaron's friends disappeared as quickly as it appeared. It's mainly because I don't hang up with them anymore, I'm grounded. I begged my grandpa to let me go out one time though and he showed me mercy and let me xd But only in the condition that I wouldn't tell mother. This was the only time I hang out with the crew...Aaron's crew. It was the beginning of November. The hang out wasn't anything particular- a simple sitting in McDonald's, listening to Aaron's friends gossiping of people from school. We had been also stepping alongside abandoned railroad tracks inside the forest.  I agreed to smoke a little marijuana eventually. I got dizzy, everything started spinning around me and I became so cheerful at one moment, I can't describe it. It was a nice feeling. 

We've met also 2 times with Aaron to work on this project we are supposed to present...in front of everyone in the school later that month.  One time at his place, and the second time at mine. It took us like 5 or 6 hours on every meeting. The irony is that the presentation we prepare is anti-alcohol and we literally drank beer while doing this presentation xd At my place it was a little more interesting- grandpa gave me lotta money so I could have bought us Lays, cookies, sweets, and beverages so there was no way we had been missing anything. Aaron said my grandpa is "pro". Yeah, he's right. We smoked also cigarettes in my room. Grandfather offered Aaron to eat lunch with us, as we had been working on the project since like 10 AM. He agreed so we ate in 3 in the living room. He had been asking him usual questions like which grade is he in, where does he live or how is he in general, etc. To be honest, we barely made our project when we were in my room. We sat on ask.fm and danced to Just Dance and Dance Central on my Kinect. We had so much fun. I danced much better than Aaron. I think he just didn't care to be no matter how exact in dance. He just had fun. We jumped, we sang, we danced. At some point, we got so tired and sweaty that our shirts got all wet. We just took them off. I felt so miserable next to half-naked Aaron. He was so athletic with this sexy olive skin and these small bicepses and six-pack+ this silver chain on his neck made him even sexier, while I am all pale and barely have any muscles. And his jeans...at this moment in my mind I craved for taking them off of him. I felt like it got even hotter out there when he took his shirt off. I started sweating even more. He asked me whether he can take a shower. I gave him a random towel from the closet and he went to the bathroom. I stayed half-naked, didn't intend to put my clothes back on me. I didn't know what to do so I just burnt my cigarette on and started smoking. I chatted at the same time with Paulina, Tobias, and Kinga. Kinga wanted to come over, she knew Aaron was at my place. Not sure is she still in love with him, but when I met him 2 years ago she was already walking with her head over heels after him. I simply stated she can't come, cause I am grounded and Aaron coming to me is an exception cause we have this project as a punishment from the principal. It was easy to see she didn't want to get "no" as an answer so she was pushing me to invite her. She must still have a little crush on him. I didn't reply. At the same time, Aaron walked into my room, after a shower, still without his shirt on. The shirts we had on earlier were all wet and he asked me would he borrow a shirt and...trousers from me. Yeah, our trousers were all wet as well. I agreed and he started taking off his trousers, while I opened my wardrobe and started looking for the most stylish and brand clothes of mine, I didn't want him to think I don't have cool clothes. However, he quickly told me to give him some old clothes of mine, cause he didn't want to exploit my new clothes. So I listened to him and picked from the wardrobe some older clothes.  I turned around and Aaron was already behind me. He lifted his hands to grab the clothes but our hands touched each other accidentally for a few seconds. We looked each other in the eyes and the tension was rising more and more. I slowly leaned towards Aaron to kiss him. I dropped the clothes on the ground and put my hands on his chest. He put his arms around my waist and kissed me back. I thought that the time stopped at this very moment. There was nothing around us in the world- only me and him. Suddenly the intercom started ringing. He pushed me off and wiped his mouth with his hands as he did after our first kiss the day we started talking with each other for the first time since 2013. He looked at me aggressively and instead of taking from me the clothes I wanted to give him he put his sweaty clothes on again and left the flat. Before he left I said "sorry", but he just ignored that and left. My grandpa who answered the call noticed that Aaron left furious and told me it was Kinga to call. I asked him could I come out of home for a few minutes and he agreed. Of course, he wanted to know why Aaron left so furious in such a hurry and why did I stand half-naked. I just explained to him that it was too hot in the room so I had to put my shirt off and that Aaron got a call from home and had to leave immediately. I put quickly the shirt Aaron was supposed to put on and I went outside. Kinga already stood at the entrance to my block. She asked me what happened that Aaron passed next to her so furiously not even reacting on her. I couldn't have told her what really happened. I'll...never admit to anyone what happened between me and him in my room. I told her that I offended him and he got mad and just left. She wanted to know what did I supposedly say but instead of telling her another lie I asked her did she see where he went. She pointed finger the direction and I started running as quickly as I could, ignoring her. After like few minutes I realized he must have run too, cause there's no any sign of him in the nearest surrounding. I give myself few minutes to proceed all that happened in the last 15 minutes. I sit under the tree on a bench by the block. What have I just done? Why...am I fucked up or something?! Couldn't I really control my lust and couldn't stop myself from kissing him? What the fuck did I think?! Now he knows...he knows I'm in love with him. Something I tried to hide so bad for the entire last 2 years. I'm over! What if he tells about it someone? Damn....he has A GIRLFRIEND! How did I dare to kiss him?! I'll be over. No!!!! I'm over! If people get to know that I am....I'm going to commit suicide! NO! Nobody can find out! NOBODY! OMG OMG OMG OMG. I'm so stressed. I feel like...like a fucken mess! It shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have kissed Aaron. I shouldn't have fell in love with Aaron. Now...if he decides to tell someone... I take my phone in my hands and massage Aaron as quickly as I can typing: "I'm sorry. Please, don't tell anyone. I don't want anything else from you. NOTHING ELSE! It's the only thing I'll ever ask you for. Do this ONE THING FOR ME, then...we don't have to talk to each other. Never again, only if you wish. I'll get it. Just don't tell anyone". I sweat once again, but not only because I ran a marathon trying to find Aaron. I think I sweat more because of the stress. I...I...dreamed about kissing Aaron through these entire 2 years. My dream came true. You have to chose your dreams carefully. Because they may come true. And when they come true, it's too late to turn back.