That night after my mom had finally passed out on the couch, I laid on my bed and looked out the window at the stars. Every time I see the stars I think of God. When I was little Mommy and Daddy would take me to church every Sunday and during the morning lesson they would always tell us about God and Jesus and the incredible things they had done. Hearing these stories always made me feel stronger, like I knew someone would always have my back. Now I doubt there is such thing as God. If so then why hasn't he helped me?
I leaped out of bed when I heard my Daddy's old pick up truck coming down the gravel driveway. Everynight I waited until my dad got home and I would talk to him and he would tell me about how we were going to get away from here and then he would make sure I had eaten before I went to bed.
I tip-toed down the hallway and made my way silently down the stairs to stand in front of the door. When my dad opened it I ran into his arms and he scooped me up into a big hug.
"Hey there Lily Love." he smiled at me warmly, even though his eyes were worried. He was always worried to come home to me. He was scared of what he would find.
"Hi Daddy." I said pulling away so I could look into his blue-grey eyes that were surrounded by wrinkles. He set me down and pulled me into the kitchen.
"Did she let you eat?" he asked, opening the refrigerator.
"No. I didn't eat all day. I tried to eat breakfast but she heard me and came down here and threw it in the trash." I said carefully. I knew my dad hated hearing what my mother does to me, but he couldn't stand not knowing.
"Did she hurt you today?" He choked out, looking away out the kitchen window.
"She umm, kicked me once. And shoved me into the bed." I said looking at the floor.
"Any new bruises?"
"Three. And a few are just starting to pop up." I sighed, leaning against the counter. My dad stared at me with visible tears in his eyes and picked me up to set me on the counter top.
"Lily, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I swear on my life I WILL get you away from her." he promised, holding my hand and staring into my green eyes.
"I know." I said, looking away and letting my golden brown curls fall over my face. I don't think I could bare another broken promise.
"Okay. Now lets get you something to eat." He whispered as he started pulling food out of the fridge. He got out a glass plate and made me a peanut butter sandwich. Just as I was walking to the table to sit down, I dropped the plate and it shattered into a million pieces. I held my breath and listened to see if my mother had woken up. Sure enough a few seconds later she came storming into the kitchen and slapped me across the face.
"DID I SAY YOU COULD EAT?!?" she shreiked at me, grabbing hold of my arms tightly and shaking me, "A DOG LIKE YOU DOESN'T DESERVE MY FOOD." She sneered at my pushing me into the wall.
"GO TO YOUR ROOM. NOW." She screamed, throwing shards of glass in my direction. I tripped up the stairs and fell into my room, blinded by tears. I was shaking and I had glass in my foot and small cuts across my face. I pressed myself against the door as I always did to listen to what my mother was telling my father.
"Why the hell would you give my food to that rat?!" She screamed at him throwing things around.
"She's my daughter. And I'm going to take care of her. We are leaving Elizabeth!" He shouted back at my mom using her first name.
"She's not your daughter. She's mine and I'll treat her any way I want to. And if you think your going anywhere with her then your screwed up in the head!" She yelled, her voice getting shakier and shakier. She would pass out again in a few minutes.
"Get away from me!! And don't you dare lay another hand on Lily!" My dad shouted angrily, shoving past her and running up the stairs. Sometimes I hated my dad for being so good to her when she didn't deserve it. Not once had he ever hit her, even though she continued to hurt me and him. He told me once that if he hit her then he would go to jail and wouldn't be able to save me. I believe him.
He ran into my room and locked the door. His hand ran through my tangled, bloody hair and he kissed my temple. He stayed in my room all night that night, pulling the glass slivers out of my skin and humming to me to drown out the sound of my growling stomach. Sometimes I wished I had never been born, or that my father had never met my mother. Everyone would have been happier. I was thinking of how delightful it would be to have a loving mom who would play with me everyday and sing to me every night when I finally fell asleep.
In the morning I woke up to the sounds of birds singing. It was cruel. They never had to go through what I did. They just went along all day, everyday, singing their cheerful little songs while I suffered. I liked hearing the birds though. It reminded me that there was more out there than this.
Slowly, I sat up, cringing when my muscles ached, and got ready for school. I pulled out a long sleeve sweater and pants and slid them on slowly, so I wouldn't hurt myself even more. I washed the blood out of my hair and off my face and then stared into the mirror. My eyes were dark from having little sleep and my face was covered with cuts and bruises. I gently rubbed my mother's pale foundation over my face but some of the cuts were still showing. Oh well, I thought, I'll say my cat scratched me. I ran down the stairs, tip-toeing past my mother to go outside and wait for the bus.
When the bus pulled up I leaped on and headed for the back of the bus where my only friend, Claire, always saved a seat for me. She smiled sweetly at me, and slid against the window so I could sit down.
"Hi Lily." She smiled at me, her brown eyes shining and her blonde hair swaying gently from the wind coming in from the open window a few seats back.
"Hi Claire." I smiled back.
"Did you have a nice weekend?" she asked quietly. Sometimes I think Claire knows about my mom, because she always gives me worried looks, but I've never told her about it and she never brings it up.
"It was okay." I lied looking away for a second. "How was yours?"
"It was fun. My family went fishing and went on a picnic and then on Sunday we went to church." She explained to me with excitement in her eyes. I smiled at her. I liked Claire, she always looked on the bright side of things. Just then the bus pulled up to the school and we all filed off and into our classrooms.
School passed in a blur with me sitting in the back corner of the room, scribbling in my notebook. When the bell rang for us to go home, my teacher, Mrs. King, stood up and asked me to stay behind.
"Lily, is everything okay at home?" She asked me, sitting down into her desk chair.
"Yes Mrs. King, but I have to go now or I'll miss the bus." I said glancing outside the windows at the big yellow buses waiting for students to get on.
"It will be okay. Are you sure everything's alright?" She asked again with worry in her eyes.
"Yes." I replied, getting frustrated.
"Well if you ever need me or you are having any problems at home don't be afraid to tell me." She said smiling a fake smile.
"I wont." I said and turned and ran out of the room before she could say anything else.
