Lucilfer (ChrolloxReader)

Chapter 67

"Let me sleep.
I am tired of my grief, and I would like you
To love me, to love me, to love me."

The Wisp Sings - Winter Aid

The shower squealed to a stop as I yanked the knob to the right, the too-hot water ceasing to fall and leaving the heat in the lingering droplets covering my body to dissipate almost immediately. I shivered out a sigh, closing my eyes, and I stood still for a moment, collecting myself enough to will the strength into my legs to move. Then, my eyes opened again, and I carefully pushed the flimsy curtain to the side and stepped onto the towel I'd laid down on the floor, reaching above the toilet to grab another clean towel and wrap it around my shuddering midsection. Glancing down to my open duffle near the foot of the sink, I hesitated before deciding to leave the shampoo and the conditioner I'd brought in the shower. I'd use it again, anyway.

The mirror was foggy and unclear, but I didn't wipe it down—I didn't want to be resilient and force myself to gaze upon my scars. It would be better if I could just ignore them, to the best of my ability, over the course of these two months. As an emotionless undercurrent to my thoughts, I wondered if Kurapika should know about them, should I ever be thrown into a severe panic attack regarding their existence.

My muscles felt drained and comfortably relaxed as I worked through the limp effect provided by the hot water and the stark coolness to follow, scrubbing the towel gently through my hair and over my body. I kept my line of sight directed on the floor rather than what I could see of my stomach. Stiffly, I bent down onto my knees and dug through what I'd brought, pulling out one of Chrollo's simple black turtlenecks and a pair of my own high-waisted, baggy black pants, as well as a lacy set of underwear. As I did so, a glint of the dull bathroom lights bounced off of a red-tinted glass bottle, now revealed at the bottom of my bag—I blinked and pulled it out, examining the ornate, expensive design.

I guess I forgot that I packed one of the bottles of his cologne.

It had probably ended up being a manic, last-minute grab when I'd shoved all of my toiletries into the duffle, but I was grateful for it. Gingerly, I squeezed the hanging atomizer and pointed the bottle towards me, leaning my head back and misting my neck the way I'd seen him use it before—that must've been the reason why he always smelled the strongest of musky, sweet lavender with hinted cedar wood and frankincense at his throat and collarbones. An absent smile crossed my lips at the thought, and I carefully tucked away the nearly empty bottle.

My mind was tranquil and unbothered as I dressed myself first with the undergarments. I pulled the turtleneck over my head and slipped the pants over my legs, securing the waistband with a simple belt over the excess material from the slightly oversized top.

Chrollo had stayed on call with me for a bit longer than a half hour—looking back, I felt a bit guilty for leaving the shower running the whole time, but there was no other option. I couldn't risk Kurapika hearing me; I'd kept my voice as quiet as possible the entire time.

I still felt dreary, but it had subsided a substantial amount at the enchanting commemorative of the way he loved me, the way he always would love me, and left me with a heavier sensation of security—it felt brief, though, as if it wouldn't last, as if it were slipping through my fingers. I made my mind up to try to enjoy it while I could, reminding myself that I had yet to read the text response he'd sent me before he called. I wasn't necessarily tired anymore, but my body felt worn, and my mind felt overworked, ran to its last nerve. I didn't want to practice Feeler that day.

But I need to ask Kurapika if he would be willing to help me expand my Nen...

Shit—I've already told him I'm a specialist with two Hatsu techniques. I can't tell him about Exorcist.