My Blind Love For The Alpha

twenty-seven

 Say something, I'm giving up on you. I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. Anywhere I would've followed you ≈ Say Something ( I'm Giving Up On You ), A Great Big World

I'm aware of his hand in mine before I'm aware of the bed beneath me. His hand is warm in mine, the tingles surrounding me.

"Kyle." My voice sounds hoarse, like I've been screaming for the last five hours.

"Gemma."

He moves closer, that I know. I feel the heat of his body surround me as he lets go of my hand, but then I feel him lie down next to me. Where am I?

"The hospital. Gem, you're going to be okay." 

His arm wraps around my stomach gently, but I still flinch in pain. He pauses, his body tense.

I shake my head, pushing aside the pain in the process. I thought I was going to lose him. Now, he's here, and I'm here, and we're both safe.

"I'm sorry."

He whispers it over and over again in my ear, the words somehow sending a spark of comfort through my burnt out body.

And then I fall asleep in my mate's arms.

*

 "I thought I was going to lose you." Kyle's voice is quiet. I woke up a while ago but I haven't moved. Still lying next to him in the hospital bed, his arm across my body gently. He's got his head resting on my shoulder now curled up into my side as I lie on my back.

"Gem, I thought I was going to lose you. I didn't know if I was going to get there in time, if I was going to be able to save you. It was only when Andrew told me where you were and what was going on that I got my ass out there and came to get you. Michael mind-linked me when he found you, and do you know what he told me? He said that you were lying unconscious, in a pool of your blood, bruises all over your face and a broken wrist. I was so mad. When I saw you, all I could focus on was how you looked so hurt. I didn't protect you. Then, you brought the gun out. And the vision happened."

I don't say anything, even though I'm sure he knows I'm awake. I think he needs to just get this off his chest. He needs to say these words out loud to be able to process just what happened. He's thinking out loud.

"You were scared, and you might not realise it, but you were calling out to my Wolf. The mate-bond was strong, because we were separated for so long and then all of the sudden I felt out of it, light headed. Next thing I know, I can't see anything. It's dark, just an empty abyss in front of me, behind me, around me. Everywhere."

I lift my hand up, silently telling him that I want to hold his hand. He understands what I want and reaches for my hand, guiding it back down onto the bed. I squeeze his hand twice, silently comforting him while he continues talking.

"I don't know all the technical terms, though I'm sure a Pack Elder would be able to explain it well. We swapped.. eyesight. When you called out to my Wolf he knew he had to help in any way that he could. It's something that takes a lot of energy and can only be done once. He didn't even know if it would work, it's never really been done before. You still controlled your body, I still controlled mine, but you saw what I would've seen, and I saw what you would've seen."

More like what I wouldn't have seen.

"Don't think like that." 

I didn't mean for him to hear that.

I don't reply. I can't, because there is this one question bouncing around and around in my head. It's all I can focus on. It's screaming at me, drowning out any other thoughts.

"Is Jacob dead?" The words are so quiet when they exit my mouth, I barely even hear them. But I know he did hear it, and the moments of silence before he answer tell me all I need to know. I squeeze my eyes shut, my hold on Kyle's hand loosening.

"Yes."

If he's dead... I was the one holding the gun. I was the one who shot the gun and I know I shot it in his direction. I may not have known exactly what I was doing at the time, just aiming it and shooting it anywhere I could in hopes of getting some space and being able to get further away without Jacob following us. It was stupid and dangerous, the bullet could have hit anyone. 

"Did I kill him?" It's barely a whisper in my mind. Hell, I can barely think the words, let alone say them out loud. 

Did I end his life?

Did I put an end to a persons life, just because I was taken over by the rage and fear?

I acted on instinct, but instinct can be wrong.

Kyle's quiet for a little while, while my thoughts are anything but quiet. The magnitude of this conversation is unimaginable until you're in the situation. Self defense is one thing until the person you're defending yourself against has their life taken away from them because of you.

"No. Angel, you didn't kill him." 

A tear falls down my cheek before I can stop it, emotions running through my mind like a waterfall. If I didn't kill him, then who did?

Kyle's thumb gently wipes away the stray tear from my cheek, his hand lingering on my cheek. "You shot him in the chest, but just missed any vital organs. He was bleeding out, and after you passed out, Andrew ended his life."

Andrew killed his own brother? That must have been... Hard.

"Gem, you don't have to worry about that anymore. It doesn't matter. You're okay, I'm okay. No one from the Pack was seriously injured, and Jacob's gone. We won't have to worry about any of those problems anymore."

*

"She hasn't talked to anyone besides Alpha Kyle. But, you're welcome to go in there and see her."

It's true. Kyle has barely left my side all day, except for when I made him go and get some food to eat. He should be back in a few minutes.

Michael came and saw me, but I just pretended to be asleep. I'm pretty sure he saw through it, but he didn't comment. I don't think I can face him right now.

Ryan did the same.

And when the doctors come to speak to me, I've been communicating through Kyle.

"Gemma?"

I close my eyes momentarily, before opening them again and staring ahead of me. I'm still mad at them. I still can't believe they did that.

Get them out of here.

"You two need to leave." Kyle's voice saves me.

I slump further in the bed, knowing that whatever Kyle is thinking isn't good.

"We're her parents. We have every right to be here as you do, if not more."