what if → Benny Rodriguez

23 | Jordyn

J O R D Y N
point of view

July 16th 2019

i take a deep breath of smoke and blow it back out. why can't i stop? i want to, but at the same time i can't. i can't smoke by the house anymore either. Brinley will lose more and more respect for me if she sees me again, so i walked to the nearby park. i sit at the top of a slide listening to the crickets and shortening my cigarette.

a cold breeze strikes me and i slowly pull my legs in and hug my knees. suddenly, i turn my attention towards the sound of a skateboard approaching down the sidewalk. as the person gets closer and rolls under a street light, i catch a glimpse of a boy. hot. i breathe in sharply and the smoke fills my lungs too quick causing me to cough. the boy notices me, stops riding his skateboard, and begins walking in my direction.

"hey." he greets, standing at the bottom of the slide. "you alright?"

"i'm fine." i assure him trying my best not to let out another loud cough. the boy wears army green khakis and a black hoodie and even though it's dark i notice his hair is slightly wavy and a chestnut color. he has good style too.

"ah." he nods before running up the slide and sitting next to me. "are you really alright?"

"you kind of took my breath away." i chuckle, "literally."

"that's a first." he says.

"really?" i turn towards him surprised.

"definitely. and you're not too bad yourself." he smirks.

"what a compliment." i say blankly.

"i'm just joking. you're really beautiful." he looks into my eyes and i feel my heart melt. it's not dark enough where we we wouldn't be able to see each other, especially since we're sitting so close. "uh, you smoke?" he asks pointing at my cigarette in my right hand.

i sigh. "well... i'm not proud of it. that shit they teach you in middle school about addiction... it's real."

"i understand," he rests his hand on my knee as if to comfort me, "i too was addicted to nic at one point."

"how'd you fight the urges? i feel like i can't survive without it now." i rest my head on my knees and turn my head towards the boy.

"i'll admit it was really hard, but it was the best thing i ever did for myself. i'm so much happier now." he explains.

"but, the reason i started was to feel something. anything. i fell into a deep depression at the end of my freshman year of high school and it's like smoking and drinking were my escape."

"trust me. it's really worth it in the end." he looks at me with a sad smile.

"i really need to stop. i'm sick and tired of feeling like my life depends on it. i know deep down that it doesn't but i can't resist." i shake my head.

"i can help you." he says.

"you'd do that? we only just met."

"yeah. we just met and i can already tell that you're an amazing girl."

"you don't even know my name." i laugh.

"let me take a guess, i'm kind of psychic." he puts his hands up to his head and makes a face of concentration. "Sylvia."

"nope." i laugh, "not even in the ball park."

"ok well you try to guess my name then." he leans back onto his elbow and i do the same.

"hmmm." i start, "Trevor?"

"you got the first two letters correct, actually." he says surprised.