Stormie

Chapter Twenty Five - Austin

Austin

Sam scared me; she always had.

I wasn't afraid of her or feared for my life or anything. It was knowing she could leave at any moment; how unattached she acted towards everything that scared me.

From the time I was thirteen, she hadn't ever fully disappeared from my life. We always found each other somewhere, somehow and for little increments at a time, I thought I'd finally gotten through to the girl she never let anyone else see. The one who'd smile at nothing and anything, talk for hours when I'd barely asked a question.

I hadn't seen that part of her in years. It was stupid to expect that one brush of my lips and the apology she'd been waiting for for over two years would glue all the pieces back together. The friends things would only last for so long and after, I knew I'd eventually be the one left asking for a second time: where does this leave us now?

She'd either get bored or angry or maybe a combination of both. I figured out pretty quickly that maybe her bullshit attitude wasn't just an act. Maybe something had gone so wrong, someone had bruised her so bad as to permanently damage the carefree soul inside her.

Once she thought I was pushing the friends boundaries too far, I had a feeling she'd sprint for good. Or maybe once she pushed too far and chased herself away.

When I was younger, I thought she was the hottest girl I'd ever seen. I guess as I got older and began to care more about what was on the inside than the outside, my feelings became deeper than just lust. It was never love, I could honestly say I had never been in love because it scared the shit out of me.

Giving your metaphorical heart away to someone else was like giving them a direct hit to scar you for life. I didn't know if I would ever get used to that thought, if I'd ever be able to feel that for someone. I liked Sam, years ago my friends would have made fun of me for having a crush on her.

Even after camp ended, I still thought about her. Half the time I didn't know why she popped into my head, why after all my failed attempts at making us into something more I still cared.

I didn't know where I saw this going. Why it had taken me nearly three weeks just to build up enough nerve to ask her out for a night. I made sure not to frighten her by calling it a date. I gave her some of the power, if she dressed up it would boost my ego a little.

I didn't know what she thought of me. If she felt the same, if she was confused or absolutely certain she'd resent me forever. The first clue in forever was that she'd said yes to coming tonight.

I was scared this time she'd leave me on a rooftop somewhere. Or that one day she would decide she deserved someone she didn't have a painful history with. I was scared she didn't like me as even a friend, that she was just playing along with it all as a joke.

The only good part, the only certainty was that I knew she was a little scared of me too.

+++

She didn't dress up so it wasn't a date.

I was almost relieved. It was a slim chance but if she had interpreted this as a date, an unnecessary pressure would have settled on my chest and I really didn't want to fuck this up yet again. The friends thing was good, it was safe.

She was in a pair of tight jeans that made her ass look good as she walked down the stairs in front of me. She had an old high school sweatshirt on, I told myself to get her one of mine if and when we got to that point. I wanted my sweatshirt to be the one she threw on in a rush, I wanted something to show anyone around that I had some claim on her even though if I said that to her now, she'd flip.