TWISTED // Clato | ✓

Chapter 26: Demented Teenagers

CLOVE'S POV:

When I wake up, the doctor is gone. It's impossible to tell how much time has passed, except by watching the shadows traveling along the wall. It's so lonely and quiet. I never imagined an asylum could feel so much like a tomb. I guess I always pictured it like an enclosed building with no doors and no windows, but filled with crazy people running around and screaming. I never expected it to feel so much like... a prison.

I turn my head to the side and stare longingly at the bolted door. I want to leave this place so terribly. I feel so sick of everything here. I almost want to... die.

I think the only will I have to live is how badly I want to see Cato again, especially since I know he's not too far out of my reach... sort of.

Then again, would it really be that different if he were a million miles away? I'm no closer to seeing him where I am now. Tears begin to pool in my eyes. I miss him so much already, and barely any time's gone by.

The nurse comes back, but I don't fight her this time. I know it's useless and I want the presence of another human being nearby; I don't care who it is. I look up at her as she bends over me, loosening my bands so she can check over me again, while the tears leak onto my eyelashes. Her face stares down at me for a brief second before she turns away quickly and tries to pretend she's busy with something. 

But I saw it there before she ducked away. Regret. Guilt. A cold feeling sweeps over me, starting at my feet and creeping up my spine. "Will I never be allowed to leave?" I whisper to her. It must sound sane, for she suddenly straightens and stares at me for a full minute this time before she looks down and her gaze drifts elsewhere.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. "But you can't leave."

I slide my arm out from underneath the loosened band and hold it out to her. "At least," I whisper, "let me see him. Please."

I don't know what happened to the fierce, undaunted Clove who beat up Isis so she could volunteer at the reaping. Maybe she never left; I really can't say. All I know is that now that I've scraped death multiple times, lost my memory and found it again, I can't call myself the same person. I guess the Games does that to people; my mom, Enobaria, has always been the "odd" woman. Instead of chatting with other moms about cooking, kids, and lotions, she walks around baring her fangs at anyone who will look at her.

I really don't know why I've never thought about this before.

Then the nurse does something unexpected. She brushes a little of my messy dark hair behind my ear and regards me with a sad expression. "I will make no promises, Clove."

I want to scream at her, but something holds me back. It's not her fault. Whose fault is it that we've ended up like this? That I can't answer. All I know is that everything's gone wrong. Everything. And now a few doors are keeping me back from Cato, but I'll still never be allowed to see him again. Ever. I close my eyes to cover up the new flood of tears, but they escape anyway, pouring in a deluge down my cheeks.

The nurse does not say anything else. I only know she's gone when I hear the door bang shut. 

How long will they keep me strapped to this bed? Maybe until they know I'm sane enough not to commit suicide or do something else crazy. 

I close my eyes because there's nothing else I can do right now. But I snap them open almost right away because when I close my eyes I see Cato. He's filled the inside of my head and I don't know what to do. This is... horrible.

Why does it matter if I cry now? Who will hear me? Who will care? Crying isn't the most insane thing someone can do... if anything, it's something sane people do, not the insane. I clench my jaw tight and squeeze my eyes shut, but the sob escapes me anyway. And once one's out, it's pretty easy to for another to follow.