On Purpose | Kai Havertz

10.

Kai POV

Having feelings towards the blonde fitness coach was never the intention. I have seen her before in games against England but never looked at her for too long to create any ideas since I was in a relationship at the time. She also wasn't someone I remembered later on, she was almost like a person you cross the street alongside and you pay attention at them for those few seconds and then puft, won't ever remember.

That's how it was and how I always thought it would be. I was young when I started and Elizabeth, my ex, was my first serious girlfriend and the one that was seeing all the accomplishments in my life on the front row. You could say my world surrounded around her and I was never mad about it, quite the opposite, I thought it was how it was supposed to be. So, you can be sure I wasn't expecting the break up to happen, specially since she was well aware that the Premier League was always the dream.

I remember seating in the ground of the living room at my house after she simply made me choose between her and my career, calling Brandt was the first thought in my mind, not because he was the best at advice, cause he's not always at the top of his game in that, but because since the beginning of the speculations about my move he was telling me this could happen and I simply didn't want to believe him.

Maybe that was my issue, ignoring the signs and my friends telling me this left and right, I was dumb and oblivious to the situation simply due to the fact I was in too deep. Looking back at it I wasn't in love with her anymore, I think that when you're deeply in love you fight for it, you miss it and specially you don't feel deeper feelings towards someone else in the spare of months, so the conclusion is that I wasn't in love with her, I was in love with the commodity I had with our relationship.

First few days were terrible specially because I'd hear from people that she was sad and feeling miserable about my move but also would watch her stories that made it very clear she didn't care or else she wouldn't be partying as much as she was almost as if nothing happened. I felt like shit, if I'm being honest probably for the first month in London I was still not 100% over the fact I was alone for the first time in a long time, but nothing that lead my thoughts go to a possible reconciliation between us for longer than five minutes.

Moving is hard, different country, different club and the only person I had any sort of friendship being Timo wasn't exactly ideal for the introvert that I am, but I survived. The first months were harder for sure, but all footballers go trough it so everyone was willing to help me adapt and for that I'll always be grateful.

I would lie and say that I didn't know when things started to get better, but I won't, Hailey Brown had everything to do with it.

The British girl had the biggest impact on me, not by making me drool every single time I'd see her but also on being the amazing girl she is and accepting to help me after barely being able to carry a conversation with old introvert and shy me. That clearly changed since nowadays what I most do is compete with her friends for her company and when I lose - like yesterday - just gives me even more assurance that the feelings I carry for the girl are not going away anytime soon.

I think being surrounded by someone can end in two ways, the first one is you getting annoyed and simply wanting to take a break from whoever it might be, the second one is that no matter how many hours, days, weeks, whatever you spent with this person it's never enough, you always want more, you're always looking for more time together, to build new memories.

This person becomes a important part of your life and you'd do anything to make her happy, to give her unforgettable moments, to show them you're interested in them and whatever they're passionate about, interested in getting to know the people that matters the most to them, you want to show they're special and they're important to you.

This is what I want to make Hailey Brown understand, and even though the words won't be expressed, the actions will be made.

- Havertz, come on just be honest with us - Ben said for the third time that day and I sighed knowing now that practice was over this was only getting started.

- He won't, they're both in denial - Mason said and I rolled my eyes

- We're not in denial, just there's nothing to it - I explained

- That's impossible, like, everyone sees it from miles apart - Thiago said and I just stared with the best poker face I could've done - But, is also understanding if you don't want to confess any feelings for one another right now, want it or not it's all still very recent... Just don't deny it to the point of losing the chance of being with each other.

- I don't think it will take more than a month - Timo said pointing at me

- Oh, if Havertz doesn't make a move, it will. Hailes will never - Mason said - Come on man, be honest at least with us

- I don't have feelings for her Mount.

- Okay, got it. Then I'll set her up with my other friend that asked - He said and I could feel my blood boil with just the thought of it and looked not in a nice way towards him - What? You just said you didn't have feelings

- Fine Mount, you win. I might have feelings towards her - I said annoyed and the entire room erupted in cheers

- FUCKING FINALLY - Tammy said - Now make a move.

- If this gets out of here, I'll personally kill each and every single one of you guys.

That's it, I'll make sure she feels like the happiest and most special girl to ever exist, and that's a promise I'm making to my own self, I'll do anything to see Hailey happy. 

hello, a little filler chapter, I honestly suck at those but I tried my best to give you guys something at least decent... see you all soon.