His Kitten, Her Captor (🚧⚠️Under Constuction 🚧⚠️ )

Chapter 3

Hey everyone. So here is the next chapter. I didn't really want it to be about Lucian a lot so he isn't in this chapter though he's mention. This chapter is just a peep into her life without Lucian and the conflict she is having with herself. So I hope you enjoy. : )
Oh and I didn't edit it so tell me if you see any mistakes.
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Chapter 3

In the mirror; green eyes looked back at me, asking me for the answers. The eyes looked at me, pleadingly, begging me to sooth the hurt and sadness that radiated from their depths. Was I doing the right thing?
While depriving him of the happiness that can be created by our bond I was also withholding it from myself. So, was I really winning? How was this revenge...well, revenge if I wasn't getting satisfaction from the act?
All I really seem to be doing is hurting me. It doesn't seem fair that he could hurt me but the vice versa couldn't be done without causing myself pain. Did he deserve the pain I was trying to cause?
I mean, he hadn't made a real commitment to me at the time. He hadn't pledged to be faithful to me or anything but I would have waited for him. Was it wrong of me to expect the same loyalty from him that I would and do give him, even now after everything.
I have stayed a virgin, for him, knowing that he would find joy in the knowledge that he was the only one that would possess me, body, heart and soul. I could have been out fucking whoever I wanted, when I wanted how many times I wanted and I would have enjoyed it most likely, with the occasional side of guilt. But, I'm not. For him.
I feel so torn, unable to come to a decision as to whether I should give in to him or not. If I say 'Who give a damn' about my revenge I could truly be happy. That's what I want, right? But what if I do that and he sees it as he can walk all over me and fuck anyone he wants and I won't do shit.
Then, there is the part of me that says milk this for all its worth. He caused you pain, it's only fair to do the same. He betrayed us and the fact that he was sneaking around the whole time means he can't be trusted to love us faithfully as a mate should.
That part of me says to sleep with someone else, take away the precious gift you have saved for him. But, I knew I would regret it later. Losing your virginity to spite him will only make me hate myself for debasing myself in such a way.
Weary of the emotional rollercoaster that was my thoughts, I turn away from the mirror. It was painful to look in the mirror and see the dejected girl who looked like me. Where had the sparkling eyes, lustrous hair, confidence and happiness gone? Even though they were noticeably missing, they were not truly mourned or reflected on. That would take too much energy, something I didn't seem to have at the moment.

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"You're late." My boss said, "And you skipped out on work two days ago without notice."

"Thanks for informing me of that fact, Captain Obvious." I said rolling my eyes as I plopped down into the chair meant for clients, which sat across the desk from him. Frowning, he looked up, opening his mouth to scold me.

"Dear, don't talk like that to your father. Charles, stop interrogating your daughter and just tell her you were worried for Brad Pitt's sake." My mother said walking into the room.

My dad sighed before lowly saying, "I was just worried, sweetheart. You've never not shown up for work without informing us and I was afraid something happened to you. In the future, please, just call to say you'll be out, okay?" I nodded.

As she went to hug me in greeting, she stopped and gave me a once over. "Oh honey! Are you sick? Do want some water? Are you okay? Do you have a temperature?" She rushes out, fretting over me, her hands feeling my forehead and checking to see if I was in one piece.

I pushed her hands away gently, "Mom, I'm fine." I whined.

She held her hands up in surrender, "Okay, okay. I was just checking. I can't just switch off my mothering instinct whenever I want. I'll always be worried about you even though I know you're a grown woman and can take care of yourself."