Richelle has been able to get her learner's permit for over two years now, she officially got it two months ago, but she's never sat in the driver's seat. She's never driven.
It scares her. The thought of putting her feet on the gas too hard and travelling at the speed of light with no idea how to stop, or pressing the break too hard and making someone to through the from window. Anything that could potentially make her crash scares her.
She was in a crash when she was younger, she managed to escape with just a broken wrist, but her dad was paralyzed for a year, and to this day her mom is still paralyzed from the waist down. It was hard on Richelle, it still is. Everyday she would wake up and see her mom in the wheelchair, knowing if she hadn't have begged to go to the toy that day store her mom would be completely fine. She still feels guilty, however now she doesn't live with her mom so she doesn't have to see the pain everyday, but she still sees it in photos or if she goes round to visit.
She hasn't loved the idea of being in a car since. Sure, when she was five or six and she didn't understand what happened when she was just four years old, getting in a car didn't seem so bad. It wasn't until the age of seven that she really started developing a fear of it, and when she was fourteen she started having anxiety attacks whenever she would get in the car.
She swore to herself that she would never drive, at one point she swore she would never get in a car again. It was Noah who got her back to being able to sit in a car without having to hold onto the handles on the ceiling as if it's life or death.
He never realised how bad her fear was until the day he offered to drive her to the studio so she wouldn't have to walk, but she had a complete mental breakdown as soon as she got in. When he first started trying to help her, she wouldn't even open the door and it broke his heart.
Now, she'll happily sit in the passenger's seat and sing karaoke, but she won't go anywhere near the wheel. But it's starting to become apparent that she needs to try.
She hates the thought, but she has to do it.
She's been putting it off as long as she could. She told Noah she would do it a few days after getting the permit, and Noah didn't think anything of her backing out. She hadn't said anything about driving since, and he didn't give it a second thought. He understands why she wouldn't want to so he doesn't try to get her to ever.
It was never brought up until last night when Noah was driving her home from work. It really hit her that he's going through so much extra trouble for her.
She told him she'd do it tonight, but she doesn't want to.
"Noah." She says shyly as she walks into the bedroom. He gives her a small hum in response, looking up from his laptop screen, "Can we go driving a different night?"
"Why?"
"My stomach hurts." She whimpers fakely, holding her stomach slightly.
"You've been getting a lot of stomach aches recently.. maybe we should take you to the doctors." To him, she seems really sick, but in reality she keeps faking them incase one day he decides to ask her if she wants to go to an empty parking lot to drive.
"I-I don't think the doctors is necessary." She stumbles over her words, going to lie down on the bed, but before she can Noah sits up and shifts so he's in her way.
"Richie, are you.. faking?" He asks, cautious of his word choice, knowing something isn't right. Ever since her snapping hip sydrome, Richelle has been on top of her health, and she always goes to the doctor if something doesn't seem right.
"No." She whimpers again, holding her stomach slightly tighter to try and shifts his thoughts.
"Is it because of nerves?" He asks gently. She shakes her head a little and brings fake tears to her eyes. "Why are you gonna cry baby?" He asks as his face drops to a sad, sympathetic look as he pulls her into his arms.
"Because it hurts and you don't believe me." She cries, faking again. She does feel guilty for faking, she knows she just made him feel bad for second guessing her, but she has to do it.
"I do believe you, I'm sorry.. I just thought maybe you were nervous about driving. If you are it's ok, we don't have to go, but just know I'd be right there if you started to freak out or if anything happened, and I can take us home at any point." His words calm her a little.
"You're right... I just didn't want to go." She drops the act, deciding it isn't worth it anymore, especially if it's making Noah worry, "I haven't these past two months apart from one time.. I just didn't want driving to be a possibility for the night." Real tears start to escape her eyes, soaking two small spots on Noah's shirt.
"Hey, hey it's ok. I wasn't going to ever bring it up, I know it's scary for you and I didn't want you under pressure. Why didn't you just tell me how you felt?" He says in a soft tone he knows will calm her almost instantly.
"Because I.. I.. I don't know actually. I just want to do it so bad because I want to be able to drive myself places.. I just can't bring myself to it." Richelle mumbles in response.
"Oh Richie." Noah mumbles, hugging her a little tighter, "If you want to do it, we can, but you don't have to, and we don't have to go tonight." He reassures her.
"I-I want to go.. I'm just not sure I'll actually do anything." She whispers, recipitating the action of a tighter hug.
"And that's ok, we're going at you're pace through this whole thing."
~~~
After some further reassurance from Noah, they manage to get out the door, and Noah manages to find a completely empty car park.
"Noe I don't think I can do this." She whispers as he starts to open his door, "I'm sorry.. I can't do it."
"Rich, it's okay. I'm proud of you for even to agreeing to come baby, but are you 100% sure? You don't even have to drive, I don't actually want you to if you're so nervous, but maybe just sit in the driver's seat. That way next time it'll all be just a little easier." He suggests calmly as he takes her hand in his.
"O-okay." She says quietly, wiping the tears from her face and getting out of the car. Noah gets out too, but he stays at the driver's side incase she needs him at any point.
Slowly, Richelle starts to climb into the seat. She smiles a little when she first does it, but her smile quickly turns into more tears. She doesn't feel proud at all, infact she feels more stupid than anything. On one hand, she feels stupid because it's such a simple task and she's not been able to do it, but on the other hand she feels really guilty. She feels like she's betraying her parents, and all the memories of her not even being able to sit in a car come flooding back.
Noah gets the hint from her crying and helps her out of the car and then into the passenger seat. He gets in after and starts to drive home, but the whole car ride Richelle is faced away from him, crying her eyes out. His heart breaks for her, his poor baby.
When they get home, Richelle is quick to get out of the car. She shivers in the cold air as Noah unlocks the door, but then immediately races upstairs to their shared room and gets into bed, pulling the covers over her head.
Noah comes in and a tear escapes his own eye at the sight. He sits down on the bed and just stares at the duvet, knowing the person he loves feels the need to hide under it.
"Richie, I know it probably doesn't feel like it, but you did amazing. I promise next time will be easier, it always it." He says softly, rubbing the duvet where he's pretty sure her back is.
"You're right, it doesn't feel like it." She sniffles, slowly pulling the duvet off her head and looking up at Noah, "But thanks for trying to comfort me." She says softly as he gets under the covers so she can cuddle up to him, which she does.
"That's my job Richie, and I'm so proud of you for tonight and I swear you did amazing. To be honest, you shocked me when she agreed to just sit in the seat. You're doing amazing." He mumbles into her hair, "I love you." He whispers as he notices her eyes start to droop shut. Crying has always worn her out and made her tired, and she's done a whole lot of that today.
"I love you too." She whispers before slowly falling asleep, dreaming of the day she manages to get her license. She wants it, but it's going to take time. Maybe with a little therapy, and a lot of love and help from Noah, she'll get there. Maybe one day.
