In The Middle (Namon/PangWave One Shots)

Every Moment I Breathe Under The Same Sky With You

The soft touch of the summer wind beckoned me to your side. Drunk in the afternoon sunlight and with the water reeds by the river side humming a sweet melody to the playful gust, my gaze wandered to you dipping your feet into the cool waters. You smiled like the light of a million mornings and it tugged at my heartstrings like how delicate hands pluck at the strings of a harp. We were alone and I had you to myself; a little selfishness swells deep inside and I knowingly let it, lest I regret it later on.

Some people say that love is what is swelling deep in our hearts but it felt like something else—a wordless beautiful feeling that cannot be defined by simply a single word. It swells up from inside like a fluttering, shaking me until I'm breathless. I know you caused these feelings but I cannot confine it into a single entity. Much like how you had your different shades, this feeling was a kaleidoscope, a prism that spills the spectrums of light.

Just as I walked closer, you suddenly jumped into the river. Your energetic laughter echoed as the crystal blue took you into its cool, sparkling domain. I chased after you, plunging into the water, letting myself be drenched as much as I am drenched in all of you. We both rise up the surface of the river and you waded towards me. Even though I was older, you were bigger and your shadow casted upon me as you grabbed me by the hips and pulled me close.

"Mon," you whispered with a bubbling want. Moments later, you caught my lips in yours. Though I've felt your chapped lips a hundred times, all those memories were never enough for me to lose desire in your passion. You pulled away for a moment, letting me glimpse that smile forming on your face. "I was just thinking..."

"What?"

"Should I move my studies to Bangkok?" you ask with much fervor and decisiveness. "I could finish my course there. It'd be easy. I'll move there once the summer break is over. That is, if you want to..."

There was hesitancy within me. Your constant changing mind is already costing your parents a fortune. After a year of indecisiveness, you've finally settled in a program that you liked. To prance nonchalantly to Bangkok simply because of a selfish want would be unfair to your parents.

"What do your parents say?" I asked timidly, trying to walk a fine line.

"They've already said yes."

"They did?"

"Well, truth is, after a long insistence, they relented."

"Nanon..."

"I want to be with you."

"There's no need to be this rash," I told you. "We already see each other in summer breaks and holidays. We're finally graduating. It's just one more year, Nanon." I bit my lip. "One more year," I whispered to you. "And then, we can be together how ever long you want."

Something in your eyes flickered. "I'm...I'm just scared."

"Of what?"

"What if there's someone better than me?"

"Do you really think I'd give up on you like that?"

"Well...no."

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course, I do."

My fingers touched your cheeks. "Then listen to me. Just one more year. Every moment I breathe under the same sky with you, I'll always be yours. The short wait is nothing compared to the rest of our lives."

And the year did pass quicker than both of us could imagine. Everything was a whirlwind as we both raced to the finish line of that chapter of our lives. I felt your embrace as I stepped down the podium, finishing my speech, and I held you tightly just the same as you beamed at me in your decadent khrui a week later. Then, we flipped the page and walked in the same narrative.

We travelled the world for a whole year, chasing the sunsets and letting the winter wind chill us to the bone. The crackling bonfire by the shore and the million stars scattered in the blackness of night watched as we grew deeper into that beautiful feeling. The bustling streets felt like an adventure, and the evenings were all but spent skin to skin, burning in each other's touch. Together as long as you want was my promise, and I intended to keep my sworn oath to you. When we returned home, the life after the academe came rushing at us but my hands never let go of yours.

But life was never meant to be perfect. Much like how the moth and rust eat and corrode, so too does intertwined souls experience the cruelty of a mortal existence. We felt anguish and heartbreak, did we not? Doubt and fear creeped like thorny vines, choking the life out of what was once a wondrous bloom. We wanted to let go, thinking it would end the pain: that running away would have been easy; severing the connection would bleed but eventually heal.

That night when I was packing my bags, ready to fly back to our hometown to escape Bangkok and its misery, you embraced me from behind. "Don't go, please," your murmurs were almost inaudible and incoherent, "Chimon...please...I'm sorry..."

"How could you ever doubt me?" A tear ran down my cheek and then, it came pouring. "I keep my promises and you know that."

"I was scared."

"Why do you keep letting fear win? When you love someone, there should be no fear."

The beautiful feeling was flickering out of existence. The light was being devoured by the ravenous wolves in the darkness. I could let go if I wanted to but I vowed to love every shade of you. I am left torn and bleeding, and yet all I could think of was you being broken by my departure. I am a martyred saint when it comes to loving you. And so I drove back those wolves into the crevices of the darkness. I let the light, golden and silver, trickle back into our desecrated holy ground.

From that turbulent chapter, that ravaging wildfire, came out new life. Somehow, that experience changed you. There was no fear left inside. In its absence, the void was filled with that beautiful feeling. Yes, the darkness tries to come but this time you won't let them. I am reminded of the moments of our youth, drunk in the summer afternoon sunlight and breeze, and how you have left me breathless with the light of your million mornings. We almost let go but through the storm, we made it through.

Now, surrounded by lanterns and the people who love and know us best, I held your hand and recited my vows once more. Everyone was smiling brightly as that beautiful feeling I found in you filled the garden in which we stood. I met your eyes and said I do, and under the millions of stars, you kissed me gently and held me closer like it was the beginning of forever.

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Happy NaMon Day to all the Midyears out there! Sending you all the love!