Miserable At Best (Alex Gaskarth Fanfiction)

"..And the hardest part of living

is just taking breaths to stay..."

-Mayday Parade

--

I downed the contents of the now empty shot glass and stumbled backwards. My head was spinning in different directions as I felt hot tears on my drip down my cheeks. I didn't even know why I was crying, I was so completely smashed.

That's what I did, drink my problems away. I didn't know what else to do, it was either this or running a blade across my arms. 

I walking out the bar doors, vision blurred from both crying and the amount of alcohol I had just consumed, most likely causing major damage to my liver.

I kept walking. Walking turned into running. Running turned into sprinting.

Sprinting for the bridge.

I couldn't do this anymore. 

I had to end things now.

My head spinned as I reached the railing of the bridge, gripping it tightly as I stepped onto the bar and made my way over it. The cars rushed past, not caring that I was here. Not caring that the girl on the side of the bridge was about to be lost from the world forever.  I sat down on the railing, looking down at the -20 degree rushing water below me. 'This is it. I'm finally going to be free.' I thought to myself. 

But no, my happiness wasn't going to be tolerated.

A hand gripped my arm as I was about to jump. I felt myself being pulled from the railing. "No!" I shouted. "Please! Just let me die!" I sobbed as I was being carried. I kicked and punched the person's chest. My surroundings became a blur, the lights from cars speeding past me. I screamed once last time, in desperate hope he would let me go.

-

"Holy shit!" I shouted, sitting straight up in my bed. I was covered in a layer of sweat and cold tears against my cheeks. My older brother, Zack ran in, concern in his eyes.

"Alanna, what's wrong?!" He asked sitting down next to me. I sobbed into his chest. I cried for about ten more minutes before I could say something.

"Oh God, Z-Zack. It was just a nightmare. But it was all so real." I choked out.

"What did you dream of?" He asked softly. He was always there for me in these kinds of situations. And that's why I loved him so much. 

"It was the night I tried..t-to.." I tralied off. He knew exactly what I was talking about. I had these nightmares often. They were really just flashbacks, flashbacks of what happened about 3 months ago. Flashbacks of the night I tried to end my life, because.. he, caused me to. 

"Shh, it's okay. You're here now, it was just a nightmare. He's not going to hurt you anymore."

Let me explain so far.

My name's Alanna Merrick. I'm Zack Merrick's sister. Yes, the Zack Merrick of All Time Low. We're two years apart, but I love him more than anyone in the world.

You're probably also wondering why I tried to kill myself 3 months ago, and who 'he' is. Well, 'he' is my ex-boyfriend, Aiden. At first, he was really sweet, and caring, and I'm pretty sure we both loved each other, which is why Zack let me date him.But once he earned Zack's trust, things stated spirling downwards. After about half a year together, Zack went on tour so he had Aiden come and check on me often. But, he would only come at early hours of the morning, completely wasted, and start shouting at me for nothing. One day it got really bad.

It was the day Zack was coming home from tour. It was about 7 PM and they would be home soon. Aiden showed up, drunk as usual, and came over to me. He started to yell at me, something about cheating on him. I denied it, because he was drunk and I obviously didn't, but he didn't buy it. He slapped me across the face and pushed me down. I was in total shock from it, and I figured he would have just left, but he didn't he kept hitting me, over and over again. 

I had heard that door open and bags drop to the floor. All the pain suddenly started to calm down. I heard shouting and a large thud. I just cried and ended up getting up, running towards the door before anyone could catch me. Drove to nearest bar, almost drank to death, and ended up trying to kill myself.

I'd never felt pure happiness besides the times when Aiden was sweet and caring. 

Anyway it turns out Alex, Zack's bestfriend and lead singer of All Time Low, had come for me. He was the only one that came for me, and since then I realized that I had someone that cared about me that wasn't my brother.

--

Yeah so that's the beginning. Nothing much but I needed to get this info out there. Hope this was enjoyable, don't know if I should continue this or not but I have plans for this story. Hope you liked iiit

-Becca