17

"The One and Only"

What is love? What drives it? What starts your fire? Where does the burn linger? What keeps it going? Why does it burn out? Why does it crash down around you?

            When you’re 17, the world is a pile of confusion; so large it can swallow you whole. The amount of questions that it provides is tremendous. Sometimes if I sit in my room alone and let the thoughts run ramped, I fall into a place that is tough to crawl out of. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why are boys such a ridiculous issue? Every teenage girl goes through it; all of the love questions. You’re standing outside of his mom’s shiny, silver sports car. He leans in and kisses you softly and it feels like everything around you comes to a stand still; there’s no time, no movement. Before his body pulls away from yours, you can feel his heart start to race and the breaths he takes become more frequent, stronger, heavier. You know something is coming. You’re nervous, but you think you’re ready. The three little words come stumbling from his soft, inviting lips. Shaky, un-stable, and somewhat delusional are the letters strand together too create the most beautiful sentence man can bring to life. Something so small, yet large enough to melt the hardest of hearts. I love you. Now that the words have been spit out in front of you, you have a choice to make quickly. Do you love him? What is love? The questions that you pondered in the beginning all come rushing back as if someone opened the floodgates to your brain. You can’t help it. The words come flying out. You didn’t even have the chance to think about zipping your lips shut. It’s all laid out, hanging in the balance for everyone to see.

            Once you get home you start to think; remember. Then, all at once, you come to a screeching halt. That boy loves you. He said it. He must mean it! No, there’s no way. He was just saying it. He doesn’t really understand. Don’t get attached. You’ll only get hurt. Just try and stay above the waves. Don’t drown.

            You find yourself falling so rapidly, you don’t even think there’s a reason to try and catch yourself. The waves crash over your head and you sink to the bottom. You should be scared. What if you can’t swim back to the top? Who cares? It doesn’t matter; it’s bliss. Things are so wonderful. You’re happy! He makes you smile even when you don’t want to. His touch is soft, you feel safe in his arms. His fingers interlock with yours in the perfect way; you feel like nothing will ever get in-between.

             Wait, why are you acting this way? He starts to hint at things; something isn’t right. It doesn’t add up. You lean in to hug him, but he pulls away…Just brush it off, it’s noting; he was in a moment of mindlessness. He wasn’t thinking. You didn’t think anything of it at first, but now you worry. Are things changing? Why is he distancing himself? He is standing right next to you, but it feels as if you are oceans apart. You feel his touch; it’s different. Doesn’t feel the same as before. He’s cold. You haven’t spoken for days now. What’s going on?

            Time drags on. It’s been so long. It’s almost as if you forgot what his face looks like. The sound of his voice, how does it go again? It will be okay; he loves you. He won’t hurt you. Remember his soft touch? No, actually you don’t. The last time your bodies met, he was stiff. You have to stay positive, but you can’t help it. You realize it’s different. Change.

            Oh God it’s here. The message bursts’ onto the screen with an explosion of light. Slide the bar right to see the words you have longed to gaze upon. Those aren’t what you expected. The phone falls and crashes hard next to you. The room becomes a large haze as your eyes begin to burn. Salty, cold streams begin to flow from your eyes. They aren’t stopping, or slowing down. There’s no letting up. It’s over. “It’s just not gonna work.”