If only you were still here (Clexa endgame)

Part 1

Clarke walked out of the dark filled bunker and out into the forest, the green array of the trees were only heightened by the light fog.

Even though she had seen no other sign of life, Clarke had to take a second to appreciate the beauty of Earth, even if she was the only one to see it.

The golden dog below her looked up at her. Picasso's eyes were dark and worried and his ears were back waiting for Clarke's command.

Clarke looked at him and realized she had to start thinking. "Today, water and shelter. Tomorrow, food, ok?" She said to the dog feeling slightly embarrassed that she was indeed, talking to a dog.

Picasso blinked as if he understood. Then a bird in the distance chirped immediately pulling his attention away from Clarke.

As he looked around he started to run after the sound. Clarke screamed "Picasso come!" But the dog continued to run away, running faster and faster and leaping over logs and anything in his way.

"Damn it" Clarke muttered under her breath and started to run after Picasso. Picasso was sprinting faster and Clarke struggling to keep up. The only way she knew his direction was by the sound of his bark in the distance.

Clarke came to a clearing in the forest, the trees were different here. Thinner, browner and more twiggy then the large, green, thick ones she had ran past further back.

She had to slow down so as to not trip over the sticks that were laid out on the ground in front of her, blocking her path.

Clarke, realizing she would lose her only companion left on this world, started to run again. Picking up the pace with desperation as the fear of loneliness chased her.

Without hearing his bark or seeing the direction he ran, she began to loose hope. "Picasso?" She yelled out, looking in all different directions in hopes of seeing the golden fur of her four legged friend.

She was finally out to the woods. Sitting in front of her was a vast, open lake. Mountains towered behind it. It is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. She stared in awe as she took in all the sights.

Her mind quickly came back as she called out again. "Picasso?" She yelled as she looked around the area.

Now standing, facing the lake, all hope drained out of her as she finally let her body succumb to exhaustion that looked behind her.

She had just watched as her daughter evaporated in front of her eyes. Only to look at every other place that supported life and come out empty handed. This was her last hope to save her tiny fragment of humanity, and he was gone.

Clarke made her way down to the waters edge still hopelessly calling out for Picasso. "Please come back!" She yelled into nothing.

"I don't want to be alone" desperately seeped out of her mouth hoping she wouldn't be. After all, that was her biggest fear.

Clarke continued to walk farther and repeated "I don't want to be alone" again but this time it was under her breath, this time directed at herself. This time, accepting that that's what would become reality.

As Clarke breathed it she heard a familiar voice behind her say "you're not." She let herself believe for a moment that it was her, that it was Lexa, that it was the women she loved, that they could finally have their ending.  But she knew better. She would never be so lucky.

But as she continued to turn her head around she snapped back into the reality that it wasn't really her, it wasn't the real Lexa.

She stared at her, they had made her so real, so recognizable, and it pained Clarke to look at her face remembering Lexa before she died in her arms. When she felt safe, at ease. At home.

Clarke exhaled the shakey air in her lounges that she had pent up for so long, releasing it to regain control of herself.

A snarky "what do you want" came out of Clarke's mouth. She hated the tone she used but she needed to keep boundaries between them so she didn't fall back into the eyes of her love. Because it wasn't her. It wasn't actually Lexa.

Lexa walking closer and closing the gap between them said "to explain." She said and Clarke all but rolled her eyes, she didn't want her explanation, she already had a pretty good idea of what happened.

Clarke turned to walk in the same direction as her. As she did so she said "there's no need." They we're both walking now, side by side, inches away from each other but not touching. Clarke wouldn't allow herself too. She would allow herself to touch her because if she did, she was afraid she would get the same feeling she did when Lexa was alive. She had to keep reminding herself that it wasn't her but it made it so hard.

They were identical. Every curve on her body was the same. The same features. The slight smile that would crawl across her lips. The shimmer in her eye when she spoke. The similarities scared Clarke.

Clarke nodded her and continued to speak. "I get it, I bear it so they don't have to, again." Taking a pause, reminding herself of everything she has done, ever time she has muttered those words.

This time Lexa responded. She was smiling, fascinated by Clarke and the type of person she was.

"Such a curious species." She said holding the smile on her face. It was too familiar to Clarke. Way too familiar.

"You've added so much to us already. I'm glad to have been wrong about you." She said and Clarke was now confused at the words because as far as she knew, she was right about her. That's why Clarke was still here.

Clarke stopped walking and turned now facing Lexa. "Wait" she said, "does that mean, you're here to take me with you?" She said as hope seeped back into her body and her face lit up.

Lexa looked at her with a sorry face and said "No. You can never join us Clarke. Your actions must have a cost." Clarke's face shifted from sad and disappointed to anger and hatred.

"Just mine?" She asked, annoyed at the whole situation. "Am I the only human being who has ever sinned?" Clarke asked and she started walking again hoping to release some of her anger and to get farther away from Lexa.

Lexa trailing behind her said "of course not, but you are the only test subject from any species, anywhere in the universe since the dawn of time who committed murder during a test." Lexa said with a smirk as she looked at Clarke from the side. Clarke returning the same look said "I'd do it again." And it was true.

"Madi knew you'd say that." Came out of Lexa's mouth which made Clarke's head sharply and quickly turn to face her.

Clarke's voice softened and she asked "Madi's with you then?" Clarke became happier the her words and her question was returned with "in a manner of speaking, yes." Which wasn't completely comforting to Clarke but it was better. Her heart softened at the thought of her daughter.

"Her consciousness has joined ours. She's at peace" that last statement from Lexa made Clarke crack a smile knowing her daughter was okay. She was safe.

"She'll never feel pain, she'll never die." This also made Clarke happy, that was the best she could give Madi, even if Clarke would be alone, her daughter would find happiness.

"She knew that living here without anyone her own age to love is something you wouldn't have wanted for her, even if it meant you being alone" Lexa said, and she was right.

No matter how much Clarke loved Madi and would miss her, she knew that's where Madi needed to be. And as much as she hated it, that place wasn't with Clarke.

As they continued to walk next to the water and across the sand that was filled with rocks, Clarke's face started to fade with the thought that she was truly alone. She had nobody. Well, for now she had this fake version of Lexa, but she was sure it wouldn't last long.

At that second as is Lexa had read the expression on Clarke's face she said " I suppose that choice was made easier with the realization that you wouldn't be..."

That made Clarke stop walking. She turned again standing in front of Lexa this time.