Still : A Niall Horan Fanfiction

t h i r t y - e i g h t

The first thing I noticed when I pulled up outside Niall's house was that his car was in the drive. I let out a sigh of relief knowing he hadn't moved since the last time I'd been to his house. The curtains in the windows were all drawn but I could tell the lights were on.

When I reached the front door I knocked loudly and waited. Niall didn't answer the door the first time I knocked so I knocked again. 

"Alright!" he shouted from inside the house and I chuckled to myself.

Niall didn't open the door fully to start with, just enough so he could look out. When he saw me I saw his eyes light up and a small smile came onto his face.

"You gonna let me in?" I said quietly.

He nodded and opened the door without a word.

"Hi," I said once he'd shut the door.

He opened his mouth to speak but a voice spoke from upstairs, cutting him off.

"Niall are you coming back up?"

It was a woman's voice. An American woman.

"Oh," I said almost silently, "I'll go."

"What? No, don't go," Niall said and grabbed my wrist like he always did.

"No it's fine. Your busy," my voice came out far harsher than I planned it to and even I was surprised at how I was reacting to Niall having another woman in the upstairs of his house.

I didn't know why it bothered me so much. We weren't dating, I wasn't even sure if we were friends. And yet, the feeling that took over my body when the woman's voice had spoken was so powerful. I felt like he'd betrayed me. Betrayed felt like the only word that made any sense.

"Niall?" the woman's voice spoke again and this time when I looked at the stairs to see her she was stood right where they went 2 separate ways. She had brown, shoulder length hair with lots of blonde high lights. She was fairly short. 5 foot maybe? Give or take. When her eyes spotted me stood near the door she smiled, "Hey."

"Hi," I tried to smile back but my mouth refused.

Niall cleared his throat, "Maren this is Lily. Lily this is Maren."

I looked down at my feet, waiting for one of them to say something.

"You know, I think I'll go," Maren finally said and made her way down the stairs. When she reached the front door she pulled a pair of black trainers that I hadn't noticed were on the floor. She left with a quiet see you later to Niall and shut the door behind her.

"I didn't know you were seeing someone," I said quietly after a few moments of silence.

"Oh Jesus," Niall said in a frustrated voice, "I'm not seeing anyone. Just come into the kitchen and I can explain to you why she was here without you getting mad while I'm making a sandwich."

I sighed and thought about arguing with him about him saying I would get mad but I abandoned the idea and slipped my uggs off before following him into his kitchen. It had been a long time since I'd been to his house but I could remember it like I'd only been there yesterday. 

I leant against his counter and watched him as he made a sandwich as I waited for him to speak.

"Right," he said as he picked up his sandwich from the counter and walked to stand near me but not super close to me, "Maren and I are writing a song together. It's very early days so we haven't gotten much figured out yet. I invited her round just so we could get an idea of what type of song we might do and just get to know each other a bit more. And before you say, no we were not in my bedroom. We were in my music room because that's were my guitar and piano are, as you know."

I felt my face go red as Niall's words sunk in. He smiled slightly but hid it well by taking a large bite from his sandwich.

"Did you want one?" he asked with a mouthful of food and pointing at his sandwich.

I chuckled, "No I'm fine."

"So er.... why are you here?" Niall asked after a moment or 2 of silence, this time not with a mouth full of food.

I swallowed, "My grandma's funeral was today. I've had so much on my mind this past month I sort of just pushed you right to the back and tried not to think about you. But now the funeral is over I thought maybe we should talk."

"I'm really sorry about your grandma. I know you loved her a lot," Niall said. He put his sandwich down on the counter and stepped towards me so he was right infront of me.

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes because it was impossible to talk about my grandma and not cry, "She um... she once told me that if I ever find someone so special that my heart skips a beat when they say my name and that I can laugh with for hours and that I always end up thinking about late at night when I can't sleep... then I have to hold onto them. You are that person Niall. When you say my name my heart skips 3 beats, when we laugh together I know that if we wanted to we could just keep laughing forever. And on the rare occasions when I can't sleep and I'm lying in bed staring at my ceiling, I find myself thinking of you and how perfect you are," I shook my head and sniffed, "I don't want to let her down by letting you go."

He smiled and wiped away a small tear with his thumb as he whispered, "Lily Isabelle Spinland."

"Niall James Horan," I whispered back.

"I want to tell you something."

"Ok."

Niall stepped back and grabbed my hand. I wandered along behind him out of his kitchen and into his living room. The sofa, the love seat, the coffee table, everything was still the same. Even the blankets hung over the back of the sofa were the same.

Niall flopped down onto the sofa and I followed, sitting right next to him.

"What do you wanna tell me?" I asked, trying my very best not to sound impatient.

"What you've wanted to know for over a year," he ran his hand through his hair, "Why I told you I didn't care."

And just like that, I suddenly didn't want to know the answer to my question that had been driving me crazy for months and months and months and months and months. I was somehow scared of what he would say.