As far as the Sky

Chapter Nine

Now-Addison

Today is another monotonous day of going to school. I sigh, standing in front of the mirror in my bathroom. I'm preparing myself, doing my make-up. But I lost myself in my thoughts, messing up my eyeliner each time I try to do it right.

I finally give up on the eyeliner and sit on the floor, letting tears fall on my cheeks. I'm tired to show a fake smile, I'm tired of faking being happy. Maybe my life is getting better since Charlie walked through that door. But NO one, NO one will ever be able to fix the mess that I am. No one will ever be able to fix ME!

"How can they understand?" I talk to myself, crying.

"These ones don't see the pain

In the smile I put on my face, pain

That will never leave me, I stand"

As I say these words, I get up and face the mirror:

"In front of my mirror, tears falling

Down my cheeks. When will this feeling

Stop ruining my life? When will

All my tries be worth it? When will

I finally be enough?"

I sniff, my face drowned in my tears.

"Repeating the same things over and over doesn't convince myself of these words, words that get lost in an ocean of tears. The last time I smiled seems to be light years away. When did it all happen? When did my laugh disappear, and my smile become the eclipse of the Sun? I can't, even if I try, even if I give all my will and effort on it, I can't seem to forget what happened."

"I can't seem to bring you back to life elsewhere than in my mind", I burst in tears, biting my lip not to scream of pain. The pain my heart feels.

"Oh, Noah, believe me when I say..."

"I'm sorry, my voice breaks. I am more than sorry. The only thought of you not being a part of this world anymore, eats me on the inside."

I take a deep breath. I know he is listening to me; I can feel it:

"I just want you to know..."

"Addison?" mom calls from the living-room.

"...I will not forget you", I whisper.

"Addison? mom repeats.

-Coming!" I answer, drying my tears and putting my brave face on.

I go downstairs in the living-room where mom is waiting for me.

"Why are you calling me? I ask

-You woke up early this morning. Isn't Lara coming to pick you up at 8?

-She's not picking me up, I reply.

-Oh, she's sick. Poor girl! I can drop you off if you...

-She isn't sick", I interrupt her.

I can't believe my own mother just sympathized with Lara.

Ugh, now I would think of Lara each time I'll see mom. That's great! (Ironic, of course! Did you really think I would pity Lara?)

"Oh, I didn't know you guys were on a fight, she says, seeing my expression.

-Well, we're not friends anymore, so...."

I walk past mom and goes to the entry of the house to put on my shoes and coat.

Mom follows me:

"Addison, are you okay?