Clusterfuck

iv

Toby's alarm makes him jump when it sounds off, mostly because he completely forgot he even had it set.

(But also a little bit because its noise is the most anxiety-inducing noise on the planet and Toby will never get used to it.)

"Oh, shit," he mumbles, fumbling to quickly shut it off before the glares of the other students attempting to study in the library turn on him. The amount of time it takes him to silence it isn't exactly long, but it's not short either—somewhere in the middle, something discomforting. When he finally manages to do so, he stuffs his phone back into his pocket and looks up at Leo.

"I have to go," he says. "Work."

"Oh. Yeah. Right." Leo shakes his head and gives a soft chuckle. "Sorry, I totally forgot we had a time limit."

"Yeah, me too." Toby closes his laptop and secures it inside his bag.

"You know, you're super easy to work with. We made some solid progress. I've got a good feeling about this grade, since we're working together."

And Toby knows it's just a statement. Just a compliment for the sake of small talk. But he can't help the fluttering feeling that stirs in his stomach.

"Yeah," he agrees quietly, sliding out of the booth and hoisting his backpack onto his shoulders as casually as possible. "I do too."

He stands there for a moment or two afterward, looking everywhere but into Leo's eyes, because he knows that his face is red and doing so will just make him feel more like a fool than he already does. He clears his throat and, fiddling with the zipper to his coat, asks, "Do you need a ride home? Or—you know. To wherever?"

Leo tilts his head, as if he hadn't heard the question right. Maybe he hadn't. Toby's not great when it comes to projecting. (Shocker.)

Please say no, he begs internally. Please say no. Why did I even ask? Please just say no.

"I'm good," Leo finally responds. "Thanks, though."

Fuck. He said no.

Toby can't help but wonder if Leo had been weighing his options. Honestly, no was probably the best choice. Being with Leo in his car, a small, confined space, is just a disaster waiting to happen for the nervous, gay wreck that is Toby Wentworth. His heart would probably bust through his chest, and then Leo would be in a car with a bloody, heartless corpse. He'd humiliate himself even in death.

"Oh, okay." Toby nods, pressing his lips into a tight, forced smile. "I'll—uh, see you later, then."

"See you," says Leo as Toby turns toward the library's exit. Similarly to how someone might forget exactly how to breathe when they think about breathing, Toby wonders if he's walking in the way a capable human being would, because he can feel Leo's gaze on his back, piercing through his coat, and he thinks it might be hindering his ability to use his legs correctly.

It's colder than it was an hour ago, Toby notices, but the wind that bites his face is no match for the warmth below his cheeks. He balls his hands into fists within his pockets as he makes his way to his parking spot, cursing his lack of capacity for human interaction. Especially when the other human is attractive.

In all honesty, Toby doesn't like himself sometimes. And he doesn't like other people most of the time. Today, he's experiencing a weird mix between the two; the absolute worst from one side, and the best from the other. He hates—loathes—how he's pretty much fallen for this near-stranger, a person who doesn't even know his last name, within the span of three hours—the weakest three hours of his entire life. It's just... annoying.