His Protector: Shaka Zulu by sassyroe sassyroe
1. Peace Offerings (Chapter Title)
Historical (Genre)
Loyalty (Themes)
Third Person Limited (consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌗🌚🌚🌚)
---------------- 12.09.2020 -----------
I'm old enough to remember the Shaka Zulu movie back in the day that came out around the same time as Roots. It was inspirational and fun, and I'd argue that this first chapter was as well. It ticked off all the boxes required to make a first chapter do what its supposed to.
The suspense wasn't all that high but I didn't mind it. It uses third person limited which I think works VERY well for this type of story.
If I had to choose a strong point, it is your attention to detail (mostly in the beginning) so when some details faded toward the end of the chapter, it was a bit jarring.
While I liked his admiration for his mother, as it compounded, it started to feel a bit much. And the scar on her face is an interesting feature but how she got it seems a bit unrealistic as well. I am not from Africa nor do I know the habits and dangers of each animal. I know size, though, and length. An animal like that needs to be at close range to make a scar that big and if it is, that means it's probably charging, and if it's charging that means it's a HUGE weight barreling towards someone. And then considering that the horn doesn't appear sharp, it would need force to make a clean cut. So force plus size plus weight doesn't seem like a scar one can walk away from. I'd suggest choosing another animal. If I'm wrong and this is a possible scar, then my apologies but keep in mind that others like myself, who are unfamiliar with African wildlife, may form the same ignorant conclusion.
I'm not a big fan of battle stories but I didn't mind this one at all. That might be helped by the awesome book cover, I'm not sure, but I was interested in how it would unfold. One thing that kept me back was the girl. It said she wasn't more than ten seasons which to me says she's about 9 years old. Shaka appears to be a grown man. If there is supposed to be a romance forming in this, I'd need some assurances about it before I could hop and skip to chapter 2. That age gap and not knowing the timeline was a big factor in me hesitating to read on unprompted.
Another concern for me, and it's perhaps one that might be a preference, is that there was no hook. There was nothing to drag me onward. Something to help the tension would do the trick.
Currently, the chapter can stay as is, without a hook. But it's good to have a hook to keep the story moving.
There isn't a hook right now, which allowed me to end the chapter with a 'take it or leave it' approach which is the same as 'leave it' in my opinion.
Still, the writing was good and anyone looking to see some good prose with some historical fiction would enjoy this opening.
Prologue?
Skipped. As a rule, I do not read prologues.
Does this need an edit?
Not really. Grammar and punctuation is tight.
Would I read on?
Yes/No. The characters were strong and distinct so I want to know more about them, but without knowing if a romance will happen, I'm not sure I want to emotionally invest into it so lightly.
If you found this review useful, please give this book a shout-out. It brings more eyes to it and goes a long way. Please consider adding your book to the "Speed-Dating Books" version of this book where others can get a sample of your work quickly. That service is also FREE.