Anna was in the dressing room curled up on a sofa looking at her phone. The members had finished their rehearsals and sound check and now they were getting their hair and makeup done for the concert. Usually, she did some work while the boys were busy, but today Anna didn't feel like she would be able to concentrate enough to be productive. So, instead, she was reading.
She was reading BTS fanfiction. The thought had crossed her mind that she probably shouldn't be reading this sort of stuff anymore. But it had basically been her life for the past two years. Even before she was an ARMY, she came across some BTS fan fiction and that was how she learnt about the boys. So, she already knew that Namjoon was clumsy, Jin like to cook, and Jungkook was a bunny who loved banana milk before she had even known them in real life.
Now that she has met the boys in real life and they are her soulmates, she probably shouldn't be reading at least certain kinds of fanfiction about them, if any. However, in some way Anna doesn't really consider the boys in real life, her soulmates, to be the same as the ones she reads about. The boys in the fanfictions are part of a fantasy world in her mind, and while she may know the boys in her imagination, she can't assume she knows the real boys of BTS.
"What are you reading, Anna?"
Jimin made Anna jump when he appeared behind her peering over her shoulder. It took her a minute to translate what he had said. She immediately hid her phone screen.
"Nothing."
Jimin narrowed his eyes wondering why Anna was acting so suspiciously, but he didn't push her for an answer.
Looking over the back of the sofa, Anna noticed that Jin was getting his makeup done. She watched curiously. She was often fascinated by watching other people apply makeup. There were a few people she followed on social media, though she often wondered why because she never tried out any of the looks on herself.
Anna couldn't really see what the makeup artist was doing from where she was sitting on the sofa. Noticing an empty chair next to Jin, she made her way over to it.
"Do you mind... I watch?"
Anna addressed the makeup artist making gestures to the chair and Jin at the same time, hoping she would understand.
"Yes."
"Thank you."
Anna moved the chair far enough away so that she wouldn't get in the artist's way and angled it to face away from the mirror and towards Jin. She didn't want to have to look at herself in the mirror.
"She just wants an excuse to stare at my handsome face."
Anna didn't understand exactly what Jin said, but she could guess from in tone and the way the makeup artist rolled her eyes, that he was teasing her. The staff member was obviously used to hearing such things from Jin. She stared at him for a moment, unsure how to reply.
"Yes."
It made Anna smile when Jin started laughing. This caused the artist to lightly scold him because she couldn't do his makeup while he was laughing.
"I don't wear a lot of makeup, but I like watching other people."
"You not need makeup."
"No, I am lazy."
"You wear when we first see you."
"That was a special occasion."
The conversation had begun to make Anna uncomfortable, so she untucked her hair from behind her ears so that it curtained her face. Of course, they would notice when she was and wasn't wearing makeup, but having Jin say it outright like that made her think about it. Should I wear more make-up around them? Anna had made a lot of progress in this department over the past few years. She used to always wear foundation, to cover up her flaws and redness, but then she started focusing on her skincare. Her aim was to clear up her skin so that she didn't feel the need to cover up anymore. She had managed to make her skin look good enough that she felt she could go with foundation. Korean sheet masks were now her best friend.
Anna was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't see Hoseok approach her until he was tucking her hair back behind her ears. She looked up at him, getting lost in his gaze and he caressed her cheek with his thumb before dropping his hand from her face.
"Do you want to watch the concert?"
"Huh? I always watch the concert."
Anna pointed at the small screen in the room which showed the camera feed of the stage.
"Not from here. Come with me."
Hoseok took her hand and pulled her out of the room with him. Where is he taking me? He led her to a member of staff and then let go of her hand.
"Have fun!"
Anna just waved back at him as he walked away.
Apparently, Hoseok had organised for her to enjoy the concert from the audience. For this venue the floor tickets were standing, so the staff member let her through the barricade and left her to find a spot to enjoy the concert.
-
The concert was a great distraction from her thoughts and Anna lost herself in the music. As Anna stood in the crowd of fans, it was almost as if she forgot they were her soulmates and she just saw them as the performers she loved to watch almost every day for the past year and a half.
During the second half of the concert, Anna couldn't help but watch as BTS interacted with the audience, sending their love to ARMY. She wondered if she could still be a part of ARMY now that she wasn't just a fan. When they said their goodbyes, Anna listened as they each declared their love for ARMY and Namjoon finished with their message.
"Army remember what we say. Love Yourself. Love Myself."
They all love their fans so much. Anna's smile faded. Will they ever love me as much as they do ARMY?
-
After the concert ended Anna wasn't sure what to do. So she waited until everyone had left and headed towards the area where the staff member had let her in earlier. Fortunately, the same staff member showed up to let her out and take her backstage again. Anna thanked them once they had reached the dressing room.
She sat down on the couch and got comfy. She knew it would take a little while for the boys to be ready. The events of the day must have taken a toll on Anna because it wasn't long before she had dozed off.
She woke up to someone gently shaking her shoulder.
"Wake up, sleepyhead."
Anna sleepily opened her eyes to see Jin standing over her.
"Someone woke me up early this morning."
Jin laughed as she got up off the sofa.
-
On the way back to the hotel, Anna sat in a car between Namjoon and Jungkook. She rested her head on Namjoon's shoulder. Apparently, Anna loses her filter when she is tired because otherwise she probably wouldn't have admitted what she said next. Although, it was a question she had often thought about.
"Namjoon? You said to be loved by others we must first love ourselves?"
"Yes."
"Do you really believe that?"
"Umm, yeah. I think its important to love yourself."
"Oh dear."
Namjoon glances over at Jungkook, who had furrowed eyebrows, before looking down at the half-asleep girl on his shoulder.
"Why do you ask?"
"Because, that means no one can ever love me."
They almost didn't hear her whispered reply as Anna drifted off to sleep as she said it. Namjoon and Jungkook shared a glance over her head. Jungkook had tears in his eyes.
"Hyung, does she mean...?"
Namjoon just nodded to Jungkook in reply. He stroked Anna's hair and bent down to place a kiss on the top of her head. What he really wanted to do was to wrap his arms around her tightly and make sure she knew she could be loved, but he didn't want to wake her, so he didn't, for now.
Anna was still fast asleep when they reached the hotel. Namjoon went to shake her awake.
"Don't! I'll carry her, Hyung."
Jungkook picked her up and carefully carried her to her room and placed her on the bed. She looks so beautiful and peaceful when she's asleep. He leaned over and was tucking her hair away from her face when her eyes opened.
"Kookie?"
Anna looked around with a frown.
"How did I get here?"
"I carry you."
Anna was sure she was blushing again. She sat up, running her hand through her hair and rubbing her face.
"Umm, where are we having the...the you know... talk?"
"You are tired. We can do it another time."
"It's okay. I'm awake."
"Go back to sleep Anna. It can wait."
"No. You guys stay up no matter how tired you are for stuff like this."
"Anna."
"Kookie. Please, if you put it off, I'll just get more anxious about it."
"Okay. You know there is nothing to worry about, right?"
Anna smiled at Jungkook, but she wasn't sure it was very convincing.
"You want to get ready for bed first?"
It was probably a good idea in case she fell asleep again. However, since her pyjamas consisted of shorts and a tank top, she decided it would be best not to get changed.
"Yeah, I'll just wash my face. I'll be quick."
"Okay. I wait here."
When Anna came back out of the bathroom, Jungkook held out his hand to her. She took it and he gave it a squeeze in reassurance.
"Let's go."