Angel
"Sweetie what's wrong? Why are you still crying?" Mom asked, hugging me.
"I don't want to be here anymore."
"Where? Living with Peter and Blake?" She asked.
"No! Alive on this planet. I wish I would've stepped on that land mine instead of dad." I mumbled the last part, not quite believing I said it myself.
Mom gasped, then bent down so we were eye level, considering she's much taller then me. "Don't you ever say that. Where is this coming from?"
"I feel partly dead on the inside mom." I wiped a tear away. "The only part of me still living is here to keep you happy."
"Oh...honey." Mom was crying now too. Then she hugged me tighter. "You need to make yourself happy. Don't worry about me! I'm a grown woman I can take care of myself. I tell you what, we're going to get you an amazing therapist so you can work out your issues...okay?"
A therapist probably seemed like a great idea to her, but to me it was pointless. Did she not hear what I just said? I felt dead. Nothing can bring me back from the empty black pit that is death. Instead of saying this though, I just nodded my head. She handed me a bunch of paper towels so I could wipe my face, and then we both washed our hands and went back to our seats.
The dinner was tense to say the least. Everyone was in somber moods, even Peter for some reason. We all basically picked at our foods, and then when it was time to go we just stood around awkwardly.
"So...Peter and I have movie reservations. Blake could you take Angel home with you?" Mom finally said.
I wanted to scream and tell her no. Please don't leave me alone with that maniac! I eyed Peter, and he seemed to have the same worry in his eyes that I felt. But he didn't say anything, just sucked his teeth and looked away. What was with him?
"Sure." Blake said, his voice a higher octave than it was all night. Finally he would have me alone...like he wanted.
Then, after we paid the bill we all went our separate ways. I tried to walk a good distance from Blake, and he stayed behind me respectfully. Though I figured it was just an act and he'd be violating my personal space as soon as we were in private. I sank down into the comfortable passenger seat, like I had grown so accustomed to, and then I instantly started staring out the window. Hopefully, he'd just leave me alone.
Blake pulled away from the restaurant smoothly. It was so quiet...dangerously quiet. I just knew whatever happened was going to be bad. I mean, I almost exposed him tonight for crying out loud. The only reason why I didn't was because I could see how happy mom was with Peter. I didn't want to ruin their marriage. I just didn't want to be around Blake all the time.
Once we got to the house, I didn't run from the car like I normally would. I walked to the front door, taking my time. I didn't care what Blake did to me anymore, I just knew he was going to do something so it was best to just get it over with. I put the key in the hole, and unlocked the door. Then I walked to the living room and sat on the couch just anticipating the confrontation.
He came in not too long after, just staring at me. He had a blank look in his eyes. I couldn't figure out what he was thinking, or even what my punishment would be; which was stressing me out even more.
"Just do whatever you're going to do!" I spat. "I'm sick of being scared of you! Do it! You...monster!" I was screaming now.
He walked up to me, so quickly that I almost stopped screaming. It scared me slightly, but I continued with my rants. "I hate you! You're a fucking monster, I hope you die!"
Then he was pinning my arms down, stopping me from trying to punch him. After that, his whole body was on mine, and now I was immobile. He was just staring down at me, not doing anything to me. The he finally spoke:
"I-I'm sorry Angel."
He had tears in his eyes, like I had tears in mine. He looked so sad and broken like I'd never seen him before.
"I didn't mean anything I did. I uhm-used to like my mom...the way I do you—"
I gasped, disgust and realization taking over all at once. So he was the reason she left?
"And the way I felt about her...made her leave dad and me. I don't want you to leave me. So I'll stop." He said. Then he climbed off of me.
After that, he walked away from me. I was shocked that, that was the only thing that happened. I just knew he was going to rape me or beat me into a pulp, or both. But instead he revealed probably his deepest darkest secret to me, then vowed he was done messing with me. It seemed a little too good to be true.
I went to my room, and for the first time felt some sliver of hope. Maybe; just maybe my life would get better... I took a hot shower, washing my hair clean of the styling products and gel, and then I scrubbed my body down freeing myself of the past with every single swipe at my skin.
Soon, I was laying down in my bed with my favorite tv show playing simultaneously. I was smiling that night when I closed my eyes, and the most peaceful slumber took over.
xxxx
"Angel!" It was Blake, shaking me awake. I sat up instantly, prepared to fight him off.
"Stop it you—"
"Angel." I glanced at the second voice. It was Peter, he was standing at the door with tears falling from his eyes looking so dejected.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"It's your mother Angel. We got into a car accident. I'm fine but they had to rush her to the hospital." He said, tears in his voice. "She was...dead upon arrival."
He continued talking, but after that I blacked out.
When I came to, I was in the car. Peter and Blake were in the front seat, both of them talking urgently. It took me all of two seconds to remember that...my mother was dead. I thought I was broken and sad before; but never had I felt so—hopeless.
My mother at that point, was the only reason I was still breathing; that much was very obvious. But now that she was gone, what would I do? What was the purpose of me living if no one cared about me now?
"Where are we going?"
"Oh! Angel. You're awake. We're going to the hospital. You were blacked out for so long...we didn't know what to do. We also thought you'd want to see your mother before..."
"Before what.?" I continued.
"Before she's transferred to the funeral home." He whispered.
I didn't say anything. I didn't even think anything. I just sat there; waiting for us to arrive to the hospital.
The hospital was brightly lit, and large. The parking lot had numerous parking spaces, and even though it was so late, most of them were taken. Eventually though we found a park, and then we went into the hospital.
Now I was shaking, and I didn't even know why. It felt like a blur when Peter checked us in, informing the nurses why we were here. They all had solemn looks on their faces, then nodded their heads and brought us to the back of the hospital. The hallways were so dim, like a scary movie, and they kept twisting reminding me of some intricate labyrinth.
Then we were outside of her hospital room. I didn't want to go in...I just knew once I saw her body laying there, that I'd be dead forever.
No matter how long I tried to stand outside of the hospital room, they still ushered me inside. Once I was saw her, I almost passed out again. Blake held onto me, keeping me from falling. But there she was. Her once beautiful face was covered with bloody bruises and cuts and marks, like somebody had just taken a knife and tried painting her face with it. Her neck was grotesquely shaped, twisted awkwardly and her eyes were swollen and closed.
There was all kinds of tubes and things connected to her, but I knew they were pointless if she was already dead... I felt tears coming out of my eyes. How much pain can one person handle? First my dad, and now my mom? How much could I endure before I myself just died completely? Right now it felt like I could go in a corner and ball up, then just close my eyes and never open them again.
"Before she...went unconscious...she told me to tell you that she loved you. And to keep living your life." Peter said, once he saw me awkwardly standing there.
Keep living my life huh? It almost made me chuckle. There was nothing for me to live for. I walked up to her bed, then kissed her forehead. After that, I raced away from the room, and from the hospital. The stuffy air almost suffocated me, so I had to go outside to breathe in the cold and crisp autumn air.
I sat down on a grassy spot, underneath a big tree, my chest was moving up and down but it didn't feel like I was breathing. It felt like my heart had actually stopped. I just stared up at the full moon, the clouds were trying their hardest to cover her up, but still she shined brightly.
"Angel?"
It was Blake. He stood there, it was too dark for me to see the details of his face. I could just make out his outline though my tears.
"What?" I snapped.
"I just came to see if you were okay."
Then he came and sat next to me. I would've objected, but I had no fight left in me.
"I'm sorry about what happened to your mom."
I nodded my head. I didn't know what to say. Then he placed his large hand over mind, and it was slightly comforting which was shocking to me.
"I want to die now." I whispered.
And I meant that with my soul. Never before had I felt so empty. How could she leave me here? Couldn't she tell how much I suffered when dad left...how could she make me go through all of it all over again? And worse, now I would be stuck with Peter and Blake for who knows how long. At least until I was eighteen. Two long years from now.
"I know." He replied. "But you can't die. You have to live. It's what your mom wanted."
I shook my head, feeling angry all of the sudden. "Screw what she wanted! For the last seven and a half months I've been living for her. I've wanted nothing more then to see her happy! The least she could've did was push through those injuries and live." I wiped away a tear, then continued. "I'm done with other people's wants and needs. If I want to die then so be it."
"I'm not going to let you die." He replied firmly.
I rolled my eyes at him, feeling utterly frustrated and angry, every emotion that I had trapped away was suddenly coming full force, barreling out like gunshots.
"Oh screw you Blake! You don't give a damn about me!" I was crying now, but too angry to stop. "You just want to use me for your sick sexual fantasies! You just want to control me because I'm beautiful and I probably look like your mother! You like the fact that my body hasn't been touched by anybody but you. It's about control! You don't CARE about me, you only care about yourself."
"I do care—"
"Oh really? So you cared when you forced your finger inside of me? Both times? You cared when you were beating my fucking ass in the hallways? You cared when taking me to that park...and in the bathroom?" I glanced at him, I still couldn't see his facial expressions, but his body was stiff and rigid.
"Yes Angel!" He yelled. "I cared all of those times. I can't help my bodily urges or what you do to my dick, I just can't. But those things don't change how I feel about you! When I saw you, I finally felt like-like I wasn't alone anymore!"
I gasped, because he had made me feel the exact same way. There was such a crippling loneliness, and when I saw Blake I was instantly intrigued by him...and whether or not I wanted to admit it; I wanted to get to know him.
He grabbed my face, and I could finally see his facial expressions directly under the moonlight. His eyebrows were curved, and his eyes were watering—he looked just as sad and hopeless as me.
"I have always cared for you Angel." Then a tear dropped from one of his beautiful eyes. "I think...I care too much. I am too possessive, I am too mean sometimes, it's just because I'm insecure. I don't want you to leave me, okay? When you came I finally felt like, here is somebody who can understand me...someone who can be there for me."
He had me enchanted with his words, it was shocking to finally learn the truth behind his actions.
"Angel every single time I hurt you I feel bad about it. I bring my blade out and I slash any piece of untouched skin that I can find. Because I feel so bad, I feel the need to punish myself. I punish myself because I know you don't deserve how I treat you, and I know you feel hopeless against me. And that's not something I want. I hate myself for it."
He swallowed, took a deep breath then continued.
"I have no right to you, I know that. You deserve so much better then me, and you deserve so much more in...life. I understand that now. All I ask is that you try to live your life. If not for yourself then live for me...because I would surely die if something happened to you." He wiped away another tear that was falling down my cheek. "Please Angel, just try to live."
I don't know what came over me, but I ended up crashing my lips against his. I know he said he was going to let me go, and he wasn't going to do anything to me that I didn't want anymore; but in this moment I desperately needed him. For once, I could hear how he truly and deeply cared for me. He cared for me perhaps more then my parents ever had.
I dipped my tongue into his mouth, which he eagerly accepted, and we kissed with such a feral urgency. While we were kissing, all I could think about was how this changed so much for me. Suddenly, I had a purpose in life again. Sure maybe my life was awful, but I did have someone who cared about me. Someone who cared enough, that he wanted me to live. It wasn't about sex, or his creepy perversion, but it was something so much deeper.
I straddled his lap while he backed up against the tree trunk, providing a little stability for us. I grinded against his manhood, feeling my own core heating and moistening for the first time for him. I wasn't creeped out, or shy, I wanted him. He grabbed my ass with his massive hands while I wrapped my arms around his neck, and we continued kissing each other; I sucked on his bottom lip every chance I got enjoying how swollen the sucking made it.
Finally he pulled away, stopping me when I was really starting to get into it. He just stared into my eyes, so lovingly and filled with emotions. "Angel...I love you."
I didn't even hesitate to respond.
"I love you too Blake."