A/N: Oh, sweet anon. We've been dreading this day. HOWEVER, these were actually really fun to make, so I can't really complain.
- Ragnar is NEVER home
- He's always out and about, he doesn't really like being cooped up at home
- You'll find wandering around the neighborhood, the grocery store, the pet store, Target, fucking Lowe's
- He never buys anything, he just doesn't want to be home and that's that
- One time, disappeared for an entire day, and you found him standing in front of the lobster tank at Red Lobster
- He was just staring intently, not moving
- You had to drag him out of the restaurant by the arm
- The employees are used to it, at this point
- What's not normal about a big ass man with cat features staring at lobster for hours on end?
- He also likes the fish market, just because he likes looking at fish
- He grabbed an eel once, but immediately dropped it back into the cooler when it started flopping around
- He did NOT care for that shit at all
- NEEDLESS TO SAY, Ragnar really loves sea animals
- Especially crustaceans
- He will steal your phone to watch the Crab Rave video on your YouTube account
- It's his favorite thing
- He really likes shrimp, too
- He wants to keep them as pets? For some reason?
- He bought a bag of those cocktail shrimp once, got home and immediately tossed them in a tank
- Despite you telling them they were, y'know, dead
- He was disappointed to find they were, in fact, dead
- So, you got him sea monkeys instead
- He named every individual sea monkey
- He named one Aflac
- You don't know why and you really don't want to ask
- Sea creatures aside, Ragnar is a little sweetheart
- He's your sweet little baby boy!
- Therefore, he can get away with MURDER
- All he has to do is smile at you
- And you're LEGALLY not allowed to get mad at him for anything he does
- Whether it's digging holes in your backyard because he wants to know where they lead
- Or fucking up your couch cushions
- Sure, you'll be mad for like a second
- But after he gives you the little smile you're kinda just like
- "Okay buddy, as you were."
- He doesn't like drinking water
- It's too bland
- Tasteless, in his opinion
- He'll drink tea, though
- He loves tea
- Black tea is the STUFF
- Ragnar enjoys other teas, but black tea just hits different in his mind
- He also enjoys black coffee very much
- Okay, he'll drink anything bitter
- He'll excuse drinking black coffee at 3 am saying he's too sweet so he needs the bitterness for balance
- Occasionally, he'll slip some shrooms into the tea
- Which will quickly become the highlight of your week
- He thinks you don't know he does it
- But when you get home, he's super cuddly one second, and the next he'll be on the floor sprawled out, staring at the ceiling
- Then he'll sit in front of the fireplace and stare into it for a solid hour
- There's no fire
- Like he's fucking WILLING the fire into existence
- The man just wants his fire
- He likes it when you light candles
- Because it means he gets to do that thing where he swipes his finger close to the flame to get the little ash mark on it
- Floki taught him how to put the candle out with his fingers and he never blows out a candle after that
- Speaking of Floki, that's his best friend
- They're inseparable
- Ragnar really enjoys watching Floki drink from the sink
- It's the strangest thing for him, but it's Floki so he's entertained
- Most of the time, when Floki comes over, the two just sit upside down on the couch and talk about the first thing that comes to mind
- Whether it's one of Ragnar's sea monkeys or Floki's latest project
- It's entertaining to listen to them
- Because half of the time, you don't understand what they're saying
- They speak their native tongue just so you can't understand what they're saying
- Are they talking about world domination or the anchovies Floki had for breakfast?
- You'll never know
- But ignorance is bliss
- Ragnar is pretty fucking big
- But he can somehow manage to sneak up on you
- He doesn't even mean to do it at first
- He just wanted attention!
- But as soon as he catches on to how it startles you, he starts doing it on purpose
- You'll be in the kitchen doing the dishes and you'll see him standing by the doorway
- When you blink, he's gone
- And when you turn back to the dishes, he's standing next to you
- It's like those shitty Slenderman games everybody used to be terrified of back in like 2014, except it's just Ragnar
- Loves watching Spongebob
- I wish I could tell you why
- But he finds it so ridiculously funny
- If you change the channel on him he will lose his shit
- And by that I mean he will literally tackle you and wrestle the remote out of your hands
- Sometimes he'll make it sexual to annoy you or get you flustered enough for him to get his way
- Either way, it works every fucking time
- Ragnar has a terrible sleeping schedule
- It's both a blessing and a curse
- It means he can look over you at night
- But he'll be grumpy and sleepy in the morning
- He likes drinking on the nights he can't sleep
- He swears he can handle his alcohol
- But two drinks later at 4 am, he's going off about everything he's done and all his adventures
- Sometimes he'll act it all out with an umbrella and a pillow
- He tried using a fire poker once
- You almost lost an eye
- He's very loud when he's drunk
- He doesn't care it's 4 am
- He'll teach you all his battle chants
- God forbid the boys are sleeping over
- They'll wake up and join in
- They'll be pounding on the walls and stomping
- And try getting them to settle down
- Soon, you have 5 idiots singing Wardruna's Helvegen at the top of their lungs
- And you'd be lying if you said you wouldn't like to join in
- ANYWAY, after that he'll just sit down and talk to you until you both fall asleep on the couch
- Ragnar likes stealing your teddy coat
- A friend got it for you on your birthday, but she got the wrong size
- So it's real big on you
- Which means it's perfect on Ragnar
- He wears it because it's cozy
- And because it's really soft so it means he gets to rub his face against it
- Which ALSO means he gets to zap you
- Thanks static
[ gif creds to owner. thanks for reading! ]