I stared, probably a thousand times, at the email with Nate's name signed at the bottom. My gut reaction was to selfishly send a check to my alma mater and forgo the personal visit and the trip down memory lane, but Walt would not accept that plan.
"I think the timing works out great. We can let some of the press know about your trip. I mean, this is where your career started. You'll be back in your hometown a week before the release of the album. I don't think you could get much better publicity than that kid," he enthusiastically said.
Lily and I sat in a large conference room surrounded by glass, which overlooked downtown Nashville. Walt stood in front of us pacing back and forth contemplating all the moving parts of my visit.
As Walt continued with his long list of detailed plans, Reed appeared out of nowhere in the hallway outside the room and nonchalantly stopped at the door. Walt noticed his presence and waved him in.
As Reed walked in, he discreetly snuck a smile my way which made my heart sink just a little.
Then, I felt like my face started to turn beet red with guilt at our little secret.
Lily glanced over at me.
"What's wrong?" she whispered.
"Nothing." I shook my head, "Just the whole thought of going home has me frazzled."
Lily accepted my explanation, I mean, it was half-true.
Walt greeted Reed with a handshake as my semi-boyfriend glanced over at us.
"Hello ladies," he beamed.
"Nice to see you, Reed," Lily said professionally, but underneath, I could tell she was still in awe of his looks, like most were every time they saw him.
"Hi," I mumbled, pretending to be unfazed by his surprise appearance.
"Nicky and I are just wrapping up our meeting. She's going back to her hometown," Walt declared.
"Oh, really..." Reed said with an inquisitive tone.
Hours before, I spoke with Reed, and I had failed to tell him, yet again, about the trip I had planned.
"She's putting on a concert, raising funds for her old high school music department," he said proudly, then he followed up, "and it's perfect timing, leading up to the second album. Two birds with one stone, charity and good publicity all wrapped up in a nostalgic trip home. Can't beat that."
As Walt walked back towards the end of the table to collect his notes, Reed glanced over at me.
His eyes were wide and confused. Why was he just finding out about the trip?
After that day, I avoided meeting up with Reed. As a musician himself, he understood the craziness of finishing up an album, and the subsequent lead up to more press, which automatically brought a focus on your public and private life. I used the lack of privacy as an excuse to not see Reed.
The whole situation, the song, the album, the email, and Reed seemed too much to deal with. I had to keep reliving the past over and over for a month leading up to the visit, which started to become too real as the days went by.
One night when Reed called, I couldn't keep it together any longer.
"I didn't tell you about my visit home, because I didn't want to hurt you or ruin what we just started. You deserve better. I think we should take a break and step back until I get back home," I said slightly emotional.
Reed was always consistent and his reaction was just that.
"Whatever you have to deal with, I get it. You should've just told me we were going too fast. I'm a big boy, I can handle it. You know, I'm your biggest fan. Nothing will change that," he said as sweet as he could, which made me feel even worse.
I didn't know much, but I was smart enough to realize I had just broken up with a great guy.
Lily sat on my ruffled, white comforter in my bedroom at the farmhouse as I started to pack for the trip back home.
"So...he is a World Studies teacher, second year, and he coaches the freshman football team," she said, like an investigative reporter.
As I folded random clothes and placed them in my open suitcase that lay on the other side of the bed, I could only nod and let the information about Nate marinate in my brain for a second.
"Interesting."
I could've done the search myself, but Lily thought I should just focus on other things, which probably was for the best.
Deep inside my core, Nate sat there like a scabbing wound that never quite healed. Seeing his name on the letter from the school seemed to rip away some of that healing and expose the inevitable, I really needed to find some closure before pretending I was strong enough to be in a semi-mature relationship.
As I finished packing my bag, I tried listening to Lily go on and on about the schedule, but all I could do was think about how bitter I felt about the whole visit.
My father, Lily, and I were picked up at the airport by a black Suburban with tinted windows. We decided to drive by our old house before heading to the high school where I would meet some of the administration and check out the venue before the concert the next day.
The car slowly pulled up to our old house and stopped. My father's expression went from anticipation to almost regret, like he wished things had never changed.
As I pondered the events that led to this exact moment, I knew the inevitable would happen. I swung my head around to look at Nate's house across the street. As I looked at the colonial I spent so much time at, Jenna, probably around ten-years-old, walked out of the front door. Little did she know that the blacked out car parked across the street was her second family a lifetime ago.
I was hoping my dad wouldn't notice the pigtailed, cutie over at Nate's, but he unfortunately couldn't miss her. I think the sight of the girl my mother spent so much time with formed a pit in his stomach realizing those days were gone and so was his adoring wife.
A drive-by was all we could handle, even though Lily seemed like she was genuinely interested in where I grew up. She even asked if we wanted to knock on the door of our old house and see if we could sneak-a-peek inside. My father and I assured her the visit was unnecessary.
We began to drive to our next destination, my old high school.
When the car slowly came to a stop outside the brick building, the memories of high school flooded my brain, like it was yesterday. My hands started to sweat. I nervously tried wiping them on my white jeans until Lily interrupted, handing me a tissue from her enormous, designer bag of "tricks" as she liked to call it. She was the assistant who thought of everything before it happened, that's why she was the best person to handle me.
As the driver got out of the car, I realized I had no clue if today was the day I would be coming face to face with Nate. My father knew there was a possibility of this reunion, and he reassured me everything would be fine. He could say that because he was looking in from the outside.
During my friendship with Nate, my mom was way closer to the situation because of the bond she had with Lynn. My father and Nate's dad were beer buddies, and that was the extent of the relationship. Other than building the treehouse, Nate's dad was always too busy with work. If Jenna was nagging him for attention, and he was too tired to play, he'd ask Nate to fill in for him.
Even though my father didn't fully realize the situation, he was always encouraging and there for me when I needed him the most, like that day.
As we were about to get out of the car, my father gave me a tap on my knee and asked if I was ready.
I simply nodded as the driver opened the door. I stepped out of the car and immediately noticed how quiet it was, almost ominous. I knew students wouldn't be there, that was by design so we didn't need any security. This visit was just an informal meeting between administration and my entourage of two, but still for a high school, there was not much activity going on.
As the three of us approached the double doors to the school, a man in a suit emerged from within the building with a welcoming smile on his face.
"Hello Nicky, we are so grateful you could come," he said, holding the door with one hand and extending the other to me.
I cordially smiled back and shook his hand.
"I wouldn't have missed it," I said.
"I'm Mark Gould, the principal here," he said as he showed us into the building.
"Very nice to meet you."
I proceeded to introduce Lily and my father as we chatted down the hall. Mr. Gould explained we would be meeting the music director, Mr. Whethers, who was my mentor when I was at the school and the person who I was most looking forward to seeing.
He also mumbled we would be meeting "other" faculty members which was way too vague for my liking, I just wanted to know if a particular World Studies teacher would be gracing us with his presence, once and for all.
The familiar halls looked the same, and I remembered my way around pretty well. When we got to the auditorium, I knew we had reached our final destination. As Mark pushed open the doors, I felt a rush of emotions go through my body, mostly panic.
This was it, the moment I had been dreading.