"Let's talk about Hanahaki!"
If Jungkook had to honestly comment, it was an odd topic to start with.
It was lunchtime at the moment and so he and his friends decided to sit together at their usual table. Only four of them were present—namely Jungkook, Taehyung, Jimin, and Hoseok—since the other three had other matters to attend to.
Grouped around the table, Jimin decides to bring up this topic about Hanahaki. Truthfully, Jungkook found it strange for him to want to talk about this, especially since it was a disease that could be deadly. Although, the topic was quite intriguing, to say the least, which is why he decides to listen to what his friends have to say about it.
"Why Hanahaki?" Taehyung asks, raising a brow in question.
"I don't know. I just find it quite fascinating." Jimin admits, propping his elbows onto the table and resting his head on his hands. "Besides, it sounds more interesting than any other disease out there. It's basically the only disease that I still do not understand the science of."
"You're not the only one Jimin." Hoseok comments. "I bet many people still do not understand the science of how these flowers actually grow inside of you. I mean really, it's not like that there is already the soil in your stomach nor is there an actual light source for the flowers to grow, so how does that work?"
Jimin pouted, nodding in acknowledgment. "True. Not unless, hypothetically speaking, Hanahaki can be a genetic disease. I mean, there's no sunlight nor should there be enough space for the flowers to grow so, there must be some alterations in the genetic information."
"That's... very scientific Jimin." Taehyung stares at him, trying to comprehend what he just said.
Jimin almost laughed. "This is what happens when my subject before lunch is Science, especially since our topic was about genetics."
While Hoseok was making comments—basically just talking about his last subject and ranting about his teacher—Jungkook crossed his arms and looked up at the ceiling in thought.
To his knowledge, Hanahaki Disease is where the victim of unrequited or one-sided love begins to vomit or cough up the petals and flowers. One of the only ways for the disease to disappear is if the said person returns the feelings in time before the victim dies of suffocation. That is if the feeling is mutual and requited. But if ever it still remains unrequited, the victim may choose to take surgery, although the feelings would disappear along with the petals. The memories will be gone, and it is possible to lose one's capability to love which is why the options of curing Hanahaki were quite risky.
Hanahaki was quite an interesting topic to talk about, Jungkook admits. However, this disease wasn't one to be talked about frequently and, as a matter of fact, many people neglect this because of this belief that the disease is made-up. However, in this world, it wasn't. Like any other, Jungkook had some questions in his mind about the disease, especially about acquiring it.
"Is it possible for everyone to get the disease?" Jungkook asks. "I mean, it's not every day that they would show in the news that someone dies of Hanahaki or post an article about it."
"It's not, actually," Hoseok confirmed. "Apparently getting the disease is at random. Some say that only half of the Earth's population can acquire the disease while some say that only specific people can get it because of significant reasons."
"There are some who experience unrequited love but they still find themselves completely healthy, no signs of the disease," Jimin added to Hoseok's explanation. "However, there are also some who were unfortunately diagnosed with Hanahaki. According to this article that I saw online, the disease is usually triggered after a few days of realizing that the feeling is one-sided. They also said that if you've been experiencing unrequited love for a year or more, it means that you're one of those lucky people who cannot acquire Hanahaki."
Though Jimin's explanation was clear, the reason why only some people can acquire this disease was still a blur to Jungkook. But, like what Jimin had said, it must be because of some genetic mutation or something related to that, and this question is what he would like to ask next time.
Jungkook nodded in understanding, Taehyung doing the same. Unlike the former, however, the latter seemed to be a little more tense than usual.
"Anyway, speaking of flowers," Jimin props his forearms onto the table, "when I die, I want my funeral flowers to be Azaleas."
Hoseok raised a brow. "Azaleas?" He reacted, "why Azaleas?"
Jimin pressed his lips, hummed in thought. "I just like Azaleas. They're really pretty flowers and yeah, I guess you could say that it's one of my favorites. Anyway, I want people to throw Azalea flowers on top of my coffin as I descend. As the meaning says, it reminds one of their home which is why I want Azaleas. So that I can feel at home."
"That's interesting," Hoseok remarks, nodding. "For me though, I don't really care about what flowers you throw on top of my coffin. All I care about is the people who would attend my funeral."
"That is depending on who dies first." Jungkook intervened. "Speaking of which, I bet Jimin hyung would die last."
"Really?" Jimin suppressed a laugh, nearly came out as a snort. "what makes you say that?"
"You seem like someone who would live a long life." Jungkook frankly remarks. "But, at the same time, I think most of us would live long and fruitful lives anyway."
"Not me, I won't," Taehyung mumbled. What he had said was really just meant for himself, but unfortunately for him, all three of his friends have heard him. They turned their attention to him, who had noticed their confused gazes about three seconds later.
He swore under his breath.
"What did you say Tae?" Jungkook asked, unable to catch what he had said.
"Ah!" Taehyung straightened his back, putting on an obviously fake smile. "I just said that I agree with your statement." He releases a low and awkward laugh, swallowing his saliva afterward. "I also think that all of us will live long lives and hopefully not die at such an early age because of some disease that could possibly kill us." He tried his best to sound convincing and not look as disconcerted as possible. But even with his attempts, his friends could still tell that something was troubling him. That something was bothering their blonde-haired friend.
"Taehyung, are you okay?" Hoseok asks with a look of concern.
Once again, he swallows his saliva. "Yeah yeah, I'm fine! I just—" He suddenly silences himself as his body seemed to have stiffened and his hand immediately reached for his stomach, clutching. He refrained his eyes from going wide and, to his friends' eyes, it looked like that he could vomit at any moment. "I-I have to go to the washroom."
Before anyone could ask what was going on, Taehyung springs on his feet and tells his friends, "bye guys!" In no less than a second did he sprint to the nearest washroom, leaving his friends without another word.
After Taehyung had left, the group fell into silence. The atmosphere that surrounded them became uneasy, especially with the solemn expressions that they had on their faces because of Taehyung's demeanor.
"Something's not right," Jimin had observed. "There's something definitely wrong with Taehyung and he's just not telling us."
"Taehyung rarely gets sick," Jungkook noted. "And he rarely runs off to the washroom like that. But even still, I guess he just doesn't want us to worry."
In spite of trying to look at the positive side, Hoseok persisted otherwise. "Sick or not, want us to worry or not, he's still making us concerned. But even if he was sick, why isn't he telling us? Why does he have to hide it from us?"
"I don't know hyung," Jimin replies honestly. "But we can't force him to tell us, can't we?"
Despite wanting to argue, Hoseok reluctantly shakes his head, so does Jungkook. Jimin exhales through his nose, about to deliver his point across. "We can't assume what Taehyung is feeling right now. Yes we are concerned about him and we want to know what he's feeling but that's already up to him if he wants to open up or not. Besides, it might be something personal so it's best if we don't interfere."
Hoseok hated to admit it but, Jimin did have a point. "That's... true." His eyes landed on an empty spot on the table, thinking. "Whatever it is that he's feeling though, I hope that he'll feel better soon and maybe open up to us about it in the future. Maybe you know, trust us a little bit more. Do you guys get what I mean?"
Both Jungkook and Jimin nodded, agreeing and understanding. But even if they were Taehyung's friends—very close friends—there were still some secrets that they have to keep from each other, some of which are very personal, and they should respect that.
Jimin decided to change the topic to something that would lighten up the mood, to keep their minds off of Taehyung's condition. As they do this, Jungkook shifted his gaze towards the direction where his friend ran off to with a sympathetic expression layering his face.
Like what he had said, Taehyung rarely gets sick and he couldn't help but wonder if there was really something wrong.
And he sure hopes not.
I hope that you're okay, Tae...
-✿-
When it comes to school activities, it is usual for students to volunteer on making the props for the stage and for the performers; just like the upcoming cultural dance stage. Creating props takes up a student's time and, for this event, volunteers cannot be excused from their classes for the meantime so they could only work during breaks and after classes.
One of these volunteers was Min Yoongi.
Yoongi had to stay after school because of this but since Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook had nothing else to do—and given that the following day was a Saturday—they decided to hang around for a little while and maybe help their friend as well.
Right now, they were sitting outside of Yoongi's classroom. Yoongi was intricately painting a fan that would be used for the performance, Taehyung was trying to help his hyung with painting the fans, Jungkook was drawing on his sketchpad, and Jimin was sleeping on Yoongi's shoulder.
Not a lot of people were in the same corridor as them. Some decided to work inside the classroom while others were working in the mini theatre where the performance would take place. Thus, the atmosphere that surrounded them was comfortable and silent, something that they can easily work with.
In other words, it was Yoongi's ideal atmosphere.
"You didn't have to stay, you know," Yoongi mentioned. "But I really do appreciate you guys being here with me."
"Hyung, we had nothing else to do," Taehyung replied, squinting his eyes with his tongue sticking out as he tries to get a curve right, "besides, it's Friday today and we wanted to spend time with you."
"Yeah hyung. It's would be boring if we're not around." Jungkook added, erasing some lines. "I mean I know that you like being in quiet places a lot more but hey, we're fun right? We're fun dongsaengs and we like keeping our hyung company."
Yoongi heartily chuckled. "I do like quiet places, but I like being surrounded by my friends much more." He admitted receiving awes from Jungkook and Taehyung. "Even if y'all can be a pain in the ass most of the time."
His additional comment brought laughter into the table, even while they were all focused on their individual tasks.
While Yoongi continues to paint the fan, he suddenly felt Jimin's head moving side to side. The younger boy was squirming, whimpering in his sleep, causing Yoongi to stop. The brown-haired male decided to check on Jimin, setting the fan and the paintbrush down.
"Jimin?" Yoongi whispers delicately to the boy.
The said boy had stopped moving. He didn't say anything to him and when the older male checked, his eyes were still closed, still fast asleep. Yeah, It must be a bad dream, Yoongi thought. But before he went back to painting, heavy breathing replaced the quiet atmosphere which got louder and louder, heavier and heavier, by the following seconds.
"No..." Jimin squirmed once again. "Yoongi no...!" His voice was low, almost audible, but it sounded as if he could cry at any moment. He gasps as if he was drowning in his sleep, his breathing becomes heavier and it seemed as if there was no stopping.
"Jimin?" Trying his best not to panic, he shook him, hoping for Jimin to wake up before anything horrible happens to him. With a few more shakes, the said boy finally wakes up. His eyes shot open and he reflexively sat up, taking in deep breaths. His eyes were evident with tears and he continues to gasp for air as if his life depended on it.
"Hyung, are you okay?"
"Jiminie are you alright?"
"Jimin," the said person turned his attention to Yoongi, still trying to find his breath.
"Y-Yoongi hyung..."
"Are you alright? You had a bad dream, didn't you?" Yoongi asked worriedly, firmly holding Jimin's shoulders in assurance.
Still trying to recover, Jimin nods at his hyung, releasing one final breath before he spoke. "I just..." He inhales once more, exhales, finally able to control his breath once again. "It was just a horrible dream."
"What was it about?" Curiously, Jungkook asks.
Jimin's eyes flickered down, recalling his dream. "It was quite an odd dream." He states honestly. "I was standing on a vast land of endless pink Azalea flowers like I was on an open field, but there was nothing else but flowers, just a mixture of both petals and the flower itself. There was really nothing else, but then I saw you hyung, in front of me, back facing me."
Yoongi held Jimin's hands, caressing it with his thumbs to somehow ease the younger. The latter continued, "I called out to you, but you didn't look at me. It was as if you didn't hear me. I tried running to you but at the next moment, I was sinking in the pool of Azaleas. I kept on moving, shouting your name but the flowers continued to engulf me like quicksand. I couldn't swim up, I was drowning in the flowers, and I called out to you once more but still, you stood there, motionless."
Jimin's started shaking. "I-I didn't know what that was about. I don't understand why the dream was so vivid. I don't know why it felt so real. I... I—"
"Jimin, it's okay," Yoongi shushed. "You don't have to explain." Bringing out a handkerchief from inside his pocket, he wipes Jimin's tears away—the younger hadn't even noticed the tears in his eyes.
"Oh." Jimin blushed. "T-thank you hyung." He shied away from him, sheepishly added, "and I'm sorry for causing you any trouble."
"It's no problem, Jimin," Yoongi assured. "You had a bad dream and you slept late so I understand." He put his handkerchief away. "Besides, you didn't cause me any trouble so don't worry about it." Yoongi gives Jimin a reassuring smile, one that makes the butterflies in his stomach flutter.
It seemed as if Jimin wanted to say something else, wanted to thank him, or apologize once more. But he didn't. Instead, he nods in reply, resting his back against the wall afterward.
"Are you okay now, Jimin?" Taehyung asked once more, given that his and Jungkook's questions weren't answered a while ago.
Jimin glances at them with a tight-lipped smile, "yeah, I'm okay now." Tilting his head down, he lets out a low laugh and rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess I shouldn't have talked about flowers earlier or have slept late. That dream was just one hell of a nightmare."
"It must've felt real."
"It did feel real."
Having nothing else to say, the group falls into silence, getting back to their original business.
Jimin, on the other hand, had nothing else to do now that he was fully awake and because he did not want to sleep again. Wondering what he could do to keep himself busy, he realizes how parched he was feeling.
Immediately, he unzips his backpack and shoves his hand into it, searching for his water bottle. Having failed to succeed, Jimin gives up and decides to take a look for himself, grabbing the ends of the bag and pulling it open.
Even with his attempt to search his bag with his eyes, there was still no sign of his water bottle.
"Ah," Jimin breathes, drawing his friends' attention to him once again. "I think I left my water bottle back in the classroom." Zipping his bag up, he returned his gaze to his friends and asked, "can someone come with me to my classroom?"
"I'll come with you," Yoongi spoke up, setting the fan and the paintbrush down.
Despite Yoongi's willingness, Jimin felt quite unsure, believing that he was being a burden to his friend. "Are you sure hyung? I already disturbed you once..."
"Nah it's fine," Yoongi insisted. "I was starting to feel pins and needles anyway so I need to take a walk as well."
With pressed lips, Jimin nodded. "If you say so hyung."
And with that, Jimin and Yoongi got up on their feet and left Taehyung and Jungkook alone after telling them that they would return. With the two gone, the ones left just went on with their own businesses. Taehyung continued to paint the fan while Jungkook was just finishing up his drawing of an Overwatch character.
Jungkook's mind was solely focused on the lines that he was sketching, especially with trying to get the shades and the proportions of the character right. He didn't want to mess this up. He was on the flow as of the moment and if he were to be disrupted, then the feeling might disappear and he wouldn't want that. Good thing the atmosphere around him was calm and peaceful or else—
"Holy crap Kook!" Taehyung emphatic voice shattered the once quiet atmosphere, almost giving the younger a heart attack.
So much for his quiet atmosphere.
"Is that D.Va?"
Jungkook averted his gaze to Taehyung, nodded. "Yeah, it is."
"That's so cool Kook!" Taehyung smiled widely, looking at the sketch that Jungkook had drawn with pure amazement.
Jungkook smiles at him, "Thank you."
Taehyung continues to make comments on the drawing, saying how amazing it was and how it had this realistic feel. While he was at this, Jungkook just looks at him. He gazes at Taehyung with pure love and admiration in his eyes, especially looking at his smile which brought this feeling of warmth to the younger.
It was that kind of smile that Jungkook adores to see, this kind of happiness which feeds his heart full. If only Taehyung could look at him the way he does with the sketch. If he would only smile the same way whenever he's with him. If only he would look at him the same way he looks at Seungcheol. With amazement, with love, with admiration, just like how he gazes at him as if he was the grandest prize that he has ever received.
Taehyung makes another comment on the D.Va drawing that Jungkook sketched, but the younger wasn't able to catch it as he was too busy falling in love with his best friend all over again. Subconsciously, however, he nods.
Now thinking about it, maybe there is a way for Taehyung to fall in love with him. Maybe there's a chance for Jungkook to change his mind, to change his heart. It wouldn't be enough of course, but it should be a start to something special. And even if he fails, he at least attempted to do so.
Taehyung gets back to painting, picking up another fan, and copying the design. Jungkook, on the other hand, flips to an empty page of his sketchpad and proceeds to sketch a flower from memory. He usually draws human characters so this sketch would be quite new to him.
The clock continues to tick, a few minutes have passed and Jungkook was almost done with the flower. Honestly speaking, he didn't know what kind of flower he was drawing. It was more of a sketch, a quick drawing to say the least. Although, he wanted this flower to look nice, to look rather special, so he did his best to make it unique.
He was almost done but then, he was suddenly distracted by some sounds coming from a specific direction.
Taehyung and Jungkook heard footsteps that were drawing near them. Out of pure habit, both boys turn around to see who it was. They hoped that it was Jimin and Yoongi since they've been gone for quite a while, but it wasn't them. To their surprise, it was Seungcheol.
Once again, it was Choi Seungcheol.
"Seungcheol-ah!" Taehyung shouted, reacted before Jungkook could even release a breath. He immediately stood and ran towards his friend.
The said person turned to see Taehyung and, not only was he surprised to see him, but he was also ecstatic to see his friend after school hours. "Taehyung!" Just as he opens his arms, Taehyung jumps in for a hug. As they tightly hugged each other, they chuckled with pure happiness, a sheer joy that was rather indescribable.
"Cheolie, what are you doing here?" Taehyung pulled away, looking at Seungcheol with a huge smile.
"I volunteered on making the props."
"Oh really? I never knew that!"
As Taehyung and Seungcheol continue to talk to each other, Jungkook was just sitting there, never moved a single inch from his spot ever since the former ran to him. He was frozen, stricken with realization as the events naturally unfolded before him.
The way that Taehyung smiles at him, the way Seungcheol smiles at his best friend, the way they look at each other with sheer happiness, it was at that moment when Jungkook finally realized how happy he was with him. How happy Taehyung was to be with Seungcheol.
He subconsciously loosens his grip causing his pencil to fall onto his sketchpad, onto his unfinished drawing.
Right, he is in love with Seungcheol because he was happier with him.
What are you doing Jungkook?
What was he doing?
How can he be such a dumbass? How can he be so hopeful that Taehyung would fall in love with him? If he would defend himself, then it was because he never knew how happy Taehyung was with Seungcheol. But with the event that had unfolded before him, that was when he realized, that's when he actually realized that Seungcheol really was Taehyung's source of happiness.
Taehyung is really in love with Seungcheol, how was he such a fool for not realizing before?
How could he be so stupid?
His gaze falls to the sketchpad below him, the drawing of a flower that was supposed to be meant for Taehyung. The flower that was supposed to subtly tell him that Jungkook was in love with him.
You're such a fool, Kook.
He's such a fool. A fool to have hoped that Taehyung would possibly like him back. A fool for even trying to win his heart when it was already won by someone else. A fool for allowing himself to feel this way, to feel this heart-aching pain all over again.
He blinked. Suddenly, a droplet of water dripped onto the sketchpad, staining the paper and smearing the graphite of the pencil. Immediately, he wiped his tears away.
He wasn't supposed to cry. No. He cannot cry. Not now or ever again just because of this realization. It was just a crush, Jungkook tells himself. He can get over it.
He lets out a sad sigh.
Then again, in order for him to get over Taehyung, he has to move on from him. For real now, he needs to let go of his feelings of him. No matter how hard it was, he needs to do it for the sake of Taehyung. For the sake of himself.
He has to do it for his own happiness as well.
﹃
✿
For how long will this pain last?
How long until it would pass?
It won't be for much longer
Move on and you will conquer
﹄