~slight trigger warning i think~
"I am so tired..." Jisoo mumbled as they walked out of school. They had been two weeks into their last school year and to say that it was tough would be an understatement. There had been assigned seven essays, had three presentations and had loads of other homework to finish.
"Let's go guys. There is no time for sulking or other things. Just get it going!" Lisa tried to encourage her friends. "Fighting..." Rosé tiredly mumbled and slightly punched her fist in the air before almost tripping over a small branch. Everyone laughed. The dull mood had been improved a bit.
"Jennie's it is today right?"
They all hummed. "Don't forget that I need to deliver something for my dad so I will be a bit later. See ya'll" Jisoo slid into Rosé her car while Jennie went into Lisa's.
"Ready?" Lisa whispered as she saw her friends face. The older girl smiled nervously and nodded. "Let's just get it over with... The faster the better."
The moment that Chaeyoung had pulled off Lisa and Jennie quickly drove the other way, towards her mother's place. They arrived fairly fast and both got out of the car. Jennie walked up the entrance and opened the door with her key. Lisa followed behind but jumped back when Jennie got shoved back against the wall by her mother.
"What the fuck are you doing here?!" She hissed making Jennie let out a shaky breath. Lisa quickly pushed the woman away when she saw that she started to raise her hand, planning on hitting the girl.
"I just came here to bring some things here mom... I know that you can't take care of yourself. I brought you some food and some drinks. I also brought some cleaning materials and laundry detergent. Please take care of yourself." She sighed.
Jennie's mother harshly pushed herself out of Lisa's arms and glared at both girls. "You fucking left me! I'm sure that it has to do with this little friend of yours. Did she want you to live closer to her house so that she can fuck your pretty little self like the whore that you are? So she can pay you some good money that you so desperately crave?"
"No mom I don't want to get paid for having sex! I don't want to turn out like you!" She yelled in frustration making her mother smirk.
Lisa had stayed in the background wanting to give them as much privacy as possible while still making sure that Jennie didn't get hurt, like a few minutes ago.
"You don't want to turn out like me do you? Right? You think that your mother is too much of a whore? You think that your mother is a dirty slut? Selling her body for shit like cash and drugs? You think that you are better than me? You think that I believe that innocent facade shit of you Jennie? Your laptop's password isn't difficult. You don't think that I saw your ass on that site?"
Jennie turned pale and her eyes widened. No please god no, she thought, this couldn't be happening.
"Exactly. You are as disgusting and filthy as me. Did it feel good? To get that Seven dollars for your dignity?" She let out a spotting laugh and crossed her arms in front of her daughter before spitting right in front of her daughters feet.
"That seven dollars felt disgusting, if you really want to know!" She angrily yelled and pushed her mother slightly away. "It felt dirty. All the money that I got was disgusting! I know it! My dignity got stripped away little by little! Do you think that I enjoyed flaunting my breasts, vagina and ass on that site?! No of course I fucking didn't! But that disgusting money was keeping me AND you in this fucking trashy place! You never pay the fucking bills! All the money came from me! You fucking know that! You knew that mom! Who paid the hospital bills when you fucking overdosed on my birthday?! Huh?"
It was silent for a few seconds before she continued and angrily prodded her finger into the top of her own chest. "That's right! I did! I fucking did mom! But you don't see that shit! You only think about your fucking self! It's hard knowing that you choose your alcohol and drugs over me! Your fucking child! I never chose anything above you! I never did because you are my fucking mother! You are supposed to love me and hug me and be there for me!
But it seemed like I was the mother in this household! I cooked, cleaned, paid the bills, raised Layla. I was the one that made sure that there was always warm water. That there was electricity. I was the one that worked in my vacations just so I could support us. I did what you had to do yet you can't even do the only thing I asked from you! To fucking love me! Or at least be there for me! You weren't there for me when I graduated middle school. You didn't visit me when I was in that care home. You didn't come with me to get an abortion because of you letting this man rape me. You were never there for me! Why mom? Why?
Was what I wanted so horrible that you only saw me as a piece of scum that you could take out your anger upon? Was I such a bad person? What did I ever do to you mom? I tried... I really did... Just... just- UGH! Leave it! Fuck you mom! I fucking hate you. I tried loving you but I don't think I can anymore. I'm glad that I live with dad now. I'm sorry that my love wasn't enough for you. I'm sorry that I wasn't enough for you!" She screamed before storming out of the house, tears flowing freely down her cheeks.
Lisa quickly ran behind her friend and pulled the girl into a hug.
"I'm a whore Lis... I'm a fucking cheap pimp... I messed up... I still fucking love her Lisa... I want to hate her... I want to fucking hate that bitch." She cried and clung tighter onto her friend. Lisa rubbed her friends back and glanced around before biting her lip. "Let's get into the car alright?" She quickly opened the door for Jennie and let the crying girl sit inside before she rushed over to her own side and got in. She locked the doors before she cupped Jennie's face and attempted to wipe the tears away with the pad of her thumbs.
"I'm proud of you Jen..."
Jennie stared into her friends eyes and only saw sincerity.
"You want to know why? Because after so many awful things happened to you you stayed strong. You went to certain lengths to try and be there for the woman that was actually supposed to be there for you. You did all of this because you love your mom, you love your dad, you love Layla. You dealt with so much shit that no one should have ever dealt with. Yet you are still here. You are still being strong. You are still trying so hard. That is amazing... I won't judge you. I can't judge you. I refuse to. Only you know why and honestly I can't even think anything bad about you.
Just... You are strong okay? I understand you to a certain extent too. I still love my appa. I still do. No matter what he has done to me I still love him because I have some good memories with him too. I can't hate him... Doesn't matter how much I want to. So don't beat yourself up over that. You just... need to realize that loving a person isn't always enough to stay with them and put up with their shit. Loving someone that has hurt you doesn't make you weak. It makes you a wonderful person. It means that you were able to see past their shittiness. That doesn't mean that if you leave them you hate them. You just realized that love can be toxic. It can drive you to the edge. It can be unhealthy. It doesn't matter if that person is your own mother... I know that the love you feel for your parents usually is an unconditional one, but they are still human.
Not because you have that love means that you should let it blind you. Not because you have that love you need to become soft for that person and let them do whatever they want with you. Love can only take so much. It isn't endless. It can stay but it doesn't mean that you need to stay too. Going away doesn't lessen your love for them... It just increases the love for yourself that you deserve, in certain situations... So yeah. I am sorry for my ramble but I just want you to know that."
Jennie slowly took in all the words and nodded a little.
Lisa kissed her friends forehead before moving back into her seat and buckled up.
"Thank you Lisa..." Jennie softly said after a while. "Thank you so much."
***
"You are going again?" Layla pouted as Lisa grabbed her bag and nodded at the little girl. "I need to go home princess." She smiled and kissed the girl's forehead. "But can't you stay here?". Lisa chuckled and shook her head out of amusement, "My appa is at home waiting for me. Plus I have school tomorrow... I will stay over soon alright? I promise."
"Alright prince. I can't wait! Bye!" Layla grinned and Lisa got up before quickly greeting Jennie. After that she got into her car and drove home.
She sighed as she looked at the clock, it was eight thirty and she was pretty tired already. She ate the sandwich that Rosé had provided for her and ate dinner at Jennie's. After Lisa had confessed that night that her father was usually strict about her food intake Rosé started to bring home made lunch for Lisa every day. The younger girl was very grateful for that as she could easily concentrate in class and she wasn't in pain anymore.
Since school started it had become easier for her father to limit her food intake again. She knew that she had her own money and now could buy food without her father noticing it, but she still couldn't do that. Her wonderful father had hired her a manager of some sorts. She didn't see him around but she knew that he was there. She knew that he was following her and reported every move to her father.
He told her that it was becoming more dangerous on the street for her and he just wanted to make sure that she was safe and nothing happened to that. While she knew that he had a point she also knew that this was just another way to still control her.
As she arrived home she quickly got up the steps and entered. She looked at the clock on the wall before rushing upstairs and quickly changed into her work out clothes. Right on time she walked in her father's office. He glanced at his watch before nodding at the door. They walked in silence to a small dance studio downstairs and she started to practice. While he was busy on his laptop he sometimes also glanced at his daughter. Every time the he noticed she would dance a bit less energetic he would yell at her.
At a little over twelve she slumped down in a corner. She was breathing heavy and her body was covered in sweat.
"It looked better than yesterday. Don't disappoint me on saturday darling." He said before leaving her behind. She sighed and leaned her head against the wall. Fuck she felt drained. She couldn't wait for the dance competition to be over with.
***
Saturday rolled around faster than expected and Lisa was nervously sitting behind the stage. It was her turn to go on in a few minutes and she felt like she could faint. She did eat something in the morning but she just felt really anxious. She couldn't fuck up. She had to get the first prize but all the other guys and girls were so good too. They were some of the top dancers in Korea and she just felt her stomach turn in knots thinking about not winning first place.
"Lalisa Manoban!" She suddenly heard. She quickly closed her eyes, send up a small wish, and got onto stage. She smiled a bit when she saw her girlfriend and her friends sitting in the audience. She could do this.
The moment the music started so got swallowed up into the words, the melody and the beat.
The dance didn't have to be long, the maximum was actually one and a had minute, but she had to slay every second of the ninety seconds that she had. She had chosen Cravin by Danileigh and started to powerfully, yet not too over the top, put out her dance. It was dead silent in the crowd, all eyes were fixed on the teen. They were all captivated by her wonderful and smooth flow. It seemed so easy what she did, but it was actually difficult as hell.
Rosé started in admiration at her girlfriend and was the person that cheered the loudest for her once she finished. She was so proud. Her baby had done amazing. It was the first time that she saw the dance and she was blown away. Her girlfriend moved like she was one with the music. And she loved that.
Even though she was under the impressed by all the other dancers too, she was extremely biased to her girlfriend. But who wouldn't be?
When all the dancers were called onto stage the tension really got noticeable in the place. As the names got called one by one from the lowest score to the highest score Rosé gripped tightly in Luna and Jisoo their hands.
"She made it into the top three!" Jennie excitedly said and Rosé nervously nodded.
Chaeyoung tried to catch the gaze of her girlfriend. Once they finally crossed eyes Rosé send her a heart and mouthed 'I am proud of you' to her. Lisa released a breath and smiled a bit.
"The third place is for non other than Bing-Guo Jin!"
The audience applauded and he bowed as he received his bronze medallion.
"And now for the first place..."
There was an ear deafening silence.
"Haidy Soo!"
The crowd erupted in a loud applause, even Lisa clapped and had a bright smile on her face. She bowed down when she got the silver medallion and went over to congratulate the winner.
"She is smiling but she looks kind of tense." Jisoo commented as she observed her friend. The others agreed and waved excitedly as Lisa looked their way. She waved back before she disappeared to the back of the stage. The crowd soon started to move, including the friends, and they quickly headed to the big room down the hallway. They soon spotted Lisa bowing as people congratulated her and waited in line.
"You did amazing Lisa!" Luna congratulated her. Elkie hugged Lisa her leg, making the girl pick her up.
"Congratulations Lisa. Second place is amazing too! You rocked the stage!" Jisoo encouraged her making the girl grin and kissed Elkie's cheek. "Thank you guys for coming... It means a lot to me. I'm sorry that I didn't win though."
"Baby that is one hundred perfect okay! You slayed the stage. You made it your own and I can't be more proud of you..." Rosé grinned and kissed her girlfriends cheek. "I wish I could dance like you unnie. You did so good!" Layla commented before she darted off to a corner where a few more children of her age were talking. "I agree. You did amazing Lis. We are so so proud of you."
They talked for a bit more, Lisa her spirit had seemed to have lightened up for a bit until her father showed up. He cleared his throat making all the girls look at him.
"Good afternoon Mr Manoban! Congratulations." Luna said, trying to be polite as they all bowed a bit. He stiffed a smile and nodded before glancing at Lisa and nodded his head to the side before he turned around and walked away.
"I... I got to go guys I am so sorry. Get home safe!" She said before putting Elkie down and hugged all her friends.
"Please come visit me tomorrow after two in the afternoon. Only you." She whispered in Rosé's ear before kissing her cheek and plastered a small smile on her face.
"Bye guys. I love you all!"
She waved before quickly rushing after her father.
She was screwed.
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I hope that I didn't disappoint❤
I love you all💙