"So...can we talk now?" He was sitting on my bed, next to me, and I was trying to get my breathing and heartbeat under control. I was scared. There was no denying it. I was probably going to have to tell him what was going on, and I was scared of his reaction.
"Umm...yeah." I swallowed quickly, looming anywhere but at him.
"East, calm down. It's just me." He forced a laugh, but I could tell that I was making him nervous.
"I know. That's the problem." Hurt flashed through his eyes, and he leaned away from me, trying to hide how much my words has affected him.
"Ben, I don't mean it like that." I grabbed his hand, but quickly let go, my feelings for him making the simple gesture too much right then.
"Then what do you mean?" He was looking down at his hand I had been so recently touching, his voice low and full of emotion.
"I just—I...I can't tell you!" I backed out of telling him, and he glanced up at me quickly, an unreadable emotion in his eyes.
"Is this the part where you tell me you don't want to be friends anymore? What did I do? Why can't you talk to me anymore?" Tears gathered in his eyes, anger threatening to break out in his voice.
"No! Ben, that's not it at all!" I tried to explain. Tried to pull myself out of the hole I was unintentionally digging.
"Then what? What?" He almost shouted, eyes searching mine desperately.
"I—I..." This wasn't going how I planned. This wasn't how he was supposed to hear these words. My mouth was dry, and I couldn't form the words I'd rehearsed thousands of times in my head. Looking into his stormy eyes, I knew I'd never be able to say what I meant.
He waited for me to speak, lips slightly parted and tears almost slipping out of his eyes. That's when I knew that words wouldn't be enough right now.
Before I could reconsider, I leaned forward and connected our lips.