I laid in the bed and smiled as I recieved a text from my friend Anna, I haven't completely met her in real life yet but I hope I could meet her just like I met her friends in the mall but I fear once she looks at me in real life she would turn her back on me. I never felt love like this before, I'm so blinded and in love with her but I've only met her 4 months ago and she was there for me in my lonely times and always found ways to cheer me up. She's 14 and I'm only older than her for 1/2 years and she's the reason I feel more manly then ever because she was the only first person who called me in the right pronouns and used the name "Matthew" on me till I decided I no longer wanted her to call me that name so I tell her to just call me "Nate" or "Nathan" it's the name I hope I'm going to legally change into someday.
I could have met her in real life whenever I want to, the only thing I fear is that my body may look so girly or I might seem really feminine so that she would start using the wrong pronouns. Which I deeply hate.
"What are you doing" she texted me
"Thinking" I answered honestly
"About who?" she asked me curiously
"You :)"
"Aww, you know it's 12 am you really have to go to sleep now! Night Nateyboo!"
"Goodnight" I smiled at the screen and locked it, tossed the phone in the other side and stared at the ceiling. Hahh.. I can't sleep though I chuckled to myself and turned to the otherside of the bed attempting to fall asleep and to my surprise my eyelids slowly close and everything turned dark.
I woke up quickly gasping for air, I clutched my heartbeat as it was beating fast I grabbed a water bottle and sipped on it. I quickly checked the time on my phone which read "4am".
Great.. I don't know what it is, probably just another nightmare.
Might as well just sleep it off again.