"Softness is not weakness. It takes courage to stay delicate in a world this cruel." - Beau Taplin
Sirius Black was awoken by a persistent tapping against his cheek. He swatted at it in his daze of half-asleep, half-awake. When his brain became less fuzzy, adrenaline shot through his veins, and he lunged for his wand. His bedside table clattered to the ground, awaking the rest of his bunkmates.
"Woah," a familiar voice said. "Easy there tiger."
"Marlene, what the hell?" He demanded, rubbing sleep from his eyes.
She laughed, as she stood before him still in his sweater from the previous night. "Did I startle you, Black?"
"What can I say," he said with a bitter smile as he sat up. "Old habits die hard."
Marlene's stomach lurched. "Sorry," she casted her eyes downward.
"All good, Marls."
Lily stepped forward with a roll of her eyes. Marlene seemed to have forgotten the reason they had up come here as soon as she saw a shirtless Sirius. "Have any of you seen, Charlie?"
"I'm still trying to sleep," Peter stated from his bed. "So, the only thing I see is the inside of my eyelids."
Sirius threw a pillow at his face. "Hey!" Peter protested.
"If I'm up," Sirius said pulling on a shirt. "Everybody's up."
"Is she in the common room?" James asked getting to his feet, a guilt ridden twist eating away at his insides. That may also be the hangover, James reminded himself as his head pounded at a steady rhythm.
Lily shook her head feeling equally as guilty. "She wasn't in our room when we went to bed last night, and she wasn't there when we woke up."
"Where could she have gone?" Remus chimed in. "It's not like she could have roamed the castle all night."
"Not everyone is a goody two shoes like you, Moons," Sirius mocked.
Sirius got a pillow to the face in retaliation. "I meant, there's no way she could do that without getting caught by a teacher."
"We need to make it up to her," Lily said, her stomach becoming tighter in its guilt, bringing back the memories of herself emptying the contents of her stomach the minute she had arrived to her room last night.
Marlene snorted. "What do you mean we? James is the one who wanted her to join our friend group. You, Sirius, and Peter are the ones who pestered her about her family. As far as I can tell, Remus and I are completely innocent in this."
"She doesn't trust people, Marls," James shot back. "And this, if we don't apologize, she will never trust us."
"Why are you so hell-bent on having her in our little group?"
"Why are you so against it?"
Marlene stood a little straighter and raised her chin a little higher. "I'm not."
"Bullshit," James said with a roll of his eyes. "Ever since that day on the train, you've been nothing but cold to her."
"I have not," Marlene's cheeks flushed.
"Yes, you have!" He retorted hotly. "Stop being so stubborn and just admit it!"
Sirius rubbed his temples, and Remus looked as if he may vomit. "Can we, I don't, maybe, not yell this morning?" Sirius asked, scrunching up his cheeks.
"We need to talk to her," James said with a final huff.
Marlene averted her eyes from one of her best friends. A worry had began to settle within her; she had thought she had shielded her feelings toward Charlie well. She noticed Lily staring at her sympathetically, and she made a mental note to have a talk with her best friend later.
"She's not the only one with family problems," Sirius chimed in, getting to his feet slowly. His stomach protested for a moment and then settled.
"Then," Lily said. "We tell her that."
"We have to find her first," Marlene reminded her.
"Um, hello," Remus remarked sarcastically. "What's the point of the bloody map, if nobody is gonna use it?"
"Listen, Moons," Sirius said with a point of his finger. "My brain, personally, is working a little slow this morn-" The color drained from Sirius' face, and he lunged for the wastebasket in the corner of the room.
An unpleasant noise echoed off the walls as his affairs from last night made a return. James hesitantly walked over to his best friend and moved his hair from his face, giving him a small pat on the back. "Moony," he said not looking up. "The map is in my bedside table."
Remus found the parchment nestled within what seemed to be a hundred random sketches and paintings that James had done; he noticed with a quirk of his eyebrow that the last several pieces of art seemed to revolve around the night sky. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
He set to work looking for Charlie, squinting his eyes against the thousands of rooms and compartments and corridors. "I forget about that bloody map," Marlene spoke. "It's kind of creepy."
"It's kind of brilliant," Lily countered. "One of these days, you lot will have to tell me how you did it; what magic you used."
"Anytime," James said with a smile. "It was actually a lot of fun, and we found this old book that talked about how t-"
"Found her!" Remus exclaimed, interrupting James in his excitement.
"Where is she?" Lily demanded walking over to Remus, aching to apologize to the girl.
Several floors down, Jacob Addington shook the shoulder of the snoozing Gryffindor. "Charlie," he whispered. "Wake up. Charlie, get up. Charlotte!"
Charlie shot straight up and immediately regretted it; her stomach rolled, and her head throbbed. She took in the bright lights of her surroundings and the confusion settled in her. She laid back against the sofa, unsure of how she got here.
"Morning, sunshine," Jacob said with a smug grin.
She turned to see his smiling face, and the familiarity of the Hufflepuff common room settled in. "What the hell happened?"
Jacob snorted. "I figured you could tell me. You pressed your tattoo, and I was about to come out and find you, but you were right outside the common room, waiting on the other side of the door. You reeked of alcohol and kept mumbling about 'they know.' When I asked you about it, you started yelling– belligerently– I might add. I couldn't understand most of what you were saying, so I put you on the couch with a blanket and a glass of water."
She smiled softly. "Thanks, Jake."
He shrugged. "You would do the same for me. So, you wanna tell me what happened?"
She put a hand to her forehead, wanting to puncture right through her skull and make her brain stop throbbing. Her hair sat a mess atop her head, and she felt like she'd been hit by a train. She gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, unable to think about anything other than how uncomfortable she was.
"Here," Jake offered her the glass of water.
She downed it in one gulp. "Thanks."
She sat upright, slowly, and moved over some so he would have room on the couch. He took the seat next to her and waited patiently for her to explain the events of last night. She took a deep breath, letting her mind run through the hazy memories of her night.
"I can give you high points, and that's about it," Charlie said with a shake of her head.
Jacob laughed. "Okay."
"There was alcohol, a game of truth or dare, and Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Lily Evans, and Marlene McKinnon."
"I've noticed you'd been hanging out with them a lot lately," Jake said with a smile that made his chocolate eyes shine. "It's nice. You need a steady group of friends."
"Wait," she said. "They kept asking about my family, and I was drunk and snapped. I think some part of me just wanted to tell someone about the shit that I've been through."
"I know the shit you've been through," he said. She turned with wide eyes, ready to say her words in another way, realizing how she must sound to him. He held up a hand with a smile.
"I get it," he said. "It's not the same. That's big for you; you don't talk to people, not about important things."
"Yeah, well, look where it got me. I yelled at all of them and stormed out."
"Very dramatic."
"Shut it." She ran her fingers through her hair, trying to work out some of the tangles that had knotted themselves within her locks.
Jacob studied her, noting the way she was fidgeting, and the crease that had appeared on her forehead. She's worried, he thought. "You're scared that you've run them off," he accused.
"No!" She said quickly, ripping her fingers through her hair. "Ouch! I'm not scared."
"Yes, you are," he grinned. "You're scared that you've finally made some friends, and then you ran them off."
"No," she countered stubbornly, lifting her chin. "I'm still pissed they pushed me about my family."
"Oh, please, Charlie," he rolled his eyes. "Everyone has family shit. You're not special. This whole brooding loner thing, aren'y you tired of it yet?"
"I like being alone," she replied weakly. It was true to an extent– she liked reading, exploring, and writing all alone, but nobody liked being alone forever. Being alone and being lonely were two very different things.
"Really?" He demanded. "Is that why you're on the quidditch team? Is that why you spend so much time with me or Rubertta? Is that why you've ran through just about every guy in your year?"
"Hey!" Charlotte complained, her cheeks flushing. "I've had a few boyfriends and don't you dare shame me, Jacob Callihan Apollo Addington!"
He stared blankly. "I'm not, Charlie. I'm trying to prove to you that you don't fancy being alone as much as you claim."
She stared at her hands in her lap, picking at the dark polish on her nails. Tears were beginning to prick her eyes, so she shut them to keep the liquid from falling. She thought about how she had been alone for most of her life. A childhood spent being the parent was a very lonely childhood indeed, and then, you don't know how to make friends with other kids because you were never a kid in the first place.
"You know," Charlie said finally breaking the silence, after what felt like an eternity. "I am older than you."
A laugh escaped from his throat, and he couldn't help but be grateful that she wasn't angry with him. Charlie had always been someone who valued the truth when it was said to her; even when it wasn't what she wanted to hear.
"Go find you friends, Charlie," he said. "If you need to talk to me, just give me a tap." He placed his index finger on the black marking just above his collarbone. Her white mark that mirrored his, tingled and began to feel hot.
"Always," she smiled tapping her own mark.
They had gotten the marks when she was thirteen and Jake was twelve. It was a sketchy place in Knockturn Alley, but after Charlie's mom almost drowned in her own vomit after a particularly horrible bender, they decided they needed a way of contacting each other that wouldn't count as magic outside of school as they were both well underage.
As Charlie exited the Hufflepuff common room, she wondered absently if she could make it down to breakfast first and put an absurd amount of caffeine in her system. Merlin knew she needed coffee. Well, she thought, Hufflepuff is right next to the kitchens.
"Charlie?"
She looked up and locked eyes with six fellow Gryffindors. They all looked to be in various stages of a hangover; nobody, it seemed, had bothered to change out of their pajamas. James and Lily stood at the front of the group, looking guilty and relieved all in one; Sirius was leaning against the wall looking pale with dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn't gotten enough sleep; Remus was swaying on his feet trying to concentrate on the act of not vomiting; Peter was leaned against Marlene, looking as if he may topple over at any moment; Marlene, in question, stood at the back looking rather peaky but altogether uninterested.
"You lot look like you got hit by a bus."
James smiled. At least she isn't too mad at us, he thought. "You're one to talk," he commented.
"Charlie," Lily said taking a step forward. "I am so sorry about last night."
Charlie averted her eyes to her feet. She noted that she was barefoot and wondered idly at what point in the night she had lost her shoes. "It's okay," she mumbled.
James shook his head. "No, it's not, but we have an idea to make things even."
"An idea I'm against by the way," Marlene spoke up.
Lily rolled her eyes and reached out for Charlie. "Come on."
Lily led the six of them into an empty classroom and shut the door behind them. Sirius and Peter immediately fell into desks, thankful to be off their feet. "Are you all going to murder me in here or something?" Charlie asked.
Remus lowered himself into a chair as well. "Yes, a virgin sacrifice is how we liked to spend our weekends."
"Did you just say virgin?"
"Look," James interrupted. He fixed his eyes on Charlie with an intense stare. "I told you that being friends meant trusting, but I don't think it's fair that you had to share something so personal with us, especially about family, when you don't even know all that much about us."
A light seemed to go off in Charlie's head, and she shook her head. "No," she said firmly. "I'm not going to make you all tell me secrets just because I had a bit of a melt down. Look, I know there's a degree of difficulty in dealing with me, but I won't make you do this."
Lily stepped towards her with sincere green eyes. "Please, let us," she said a twinge of desperation in her voice. "It'll make the guilt go away. It'll make us even."
"It's not necessary."
"I used to resent my parents for how old they are," James said with no hesitation. Charlie turned to face him to see the shame burning in his hazel eyes. "I felt different, and I was always embarrassed that people mistook them for my grandparents. I hated that they couldn't keep up with me the way my friends' parents could."
"My sister hates me," Lily said with tears in her eyes. "Like, actually, hates me. She calls me a freak. We used to be really close when we were little, but ever since I got my Hogwarts letter, it's been different."
Charlie instinctively reached out for her hand to give it a squeeze; she remained silent as the others continued. "I'm pretty sure my brother has joined the ranks of you-know-who," was all Sirius offered. It was more than enough.
Peter took a deep breath. "My family thought I was a squib," he said shakily. "They all teased me for it. They even did things to me when I was little to try and provoke the magic out of me."
Marlene stood with her hands on her hips. James glared at her, and she rolled her eyes with a sigh in response. "I'm the youngest of four, and they're all boys. I hated being the baby and the only girl growing up, but two of them have been killed. They were both aurors. I have a locket with a picture of all us; It's my most priced possession." She fingered the necklace beneath her shirt absentmindedly.
Charlie turned to Remus automatically, as he was the only one left. His eyes were dark with memories. "My dad got into some trouble when I was little, and it cost me a lot."
A chill went up Charlie's spine; she turned to look at the others, who had all cast their eyes downward. They know, she thought. But, he doesn't realize that I know too.
"Remus," she whispered. He looked up to see her standing closer than he thought. "I know."
He rose from his seat to look into her blue-green, ocean eyes. He searched her face for a hint of what she meant. You know what she means, a little voice in his head said. She knows. His face went pale, and his teeth clamped together.
"Know what?"
"Your secret."
He could see it in her eyes– the unwavering certainty of her thoughts. "Since when?"
"I pieced it together over the years, but I was pretty sure of myself by fourth year," she said carefully.
"Why didn't you say anything about it to anyone?"
She shrugged. "None of my business," she replied smoothly. "Besides, I don't care about stuff like that."
Remus smiled softly. "Okay," was all he said. But that one word said more than most. It meant that he trusted her, and if anything, James had gotten what he wanted: Charlie was officially apart of their group. There are somethings you go through, that you can't be anything but friends when you make it to the other side.