Taylor's POV
13th March
I couldn't help but smile as I looked down at my phone. Bethan had just sent me a picture. It was of her, holding a cup of coffee, her eyes crossed beneath her glasses. "Just woke up, do you even remember what a lie in feels like?" She was poking fun at the fact that the days had been filled with Paramore meetings and discussions, which had to start very early for some reason.
I was worried though. The night I spent with her, and she'd given me the Jimmy Eat World LP, was the last time I'd seen her. There had been an emergency meeting that morning, so I had to leave without saying goodbye. She looked so peaceful as she slept. She hugged the pillow, and her face looked agitated and screwed up, but would fade into a relaxed state. Her hair was pushed back off her face onto the pillow. I kissed her nose, which crinkled up and she rolled over. I silently laughed. I cooked breakfast and left a note for her. It wasn't till two hours later when I got a text from her. "Don't worry about it, you're the best :----)." I still felt bad about it though. I didn't want Bethan to be in the apartment all day. I mean, she did go out into LA by herself the other day and her and Hayley went shopping while me and Jeremy went to talk to the tech team about instruments. It was weird to have gone so many days without seeing her. I mean, we texted constantly, but I didn't want our relationship to be based on just that, texting. And while I was in LA for certain I should of been using my time wisely to be with her.
"Wow, you couldn't of just woken up, you're looking far too cute for that ;) picking out the new single though, exciting work" I text her back. "Taylor?" I looked up to see Hayley, Jeremy, Justin (our producer, not the bro) and Adam from Fueled by Ramen looking at me. "Sorry what did you say?" I asked. "It wasn't that we said anything, it's just you've been laughing and smiling at your phone for a minute now," said Hayley. I felt the deep red blush cover my face. "Sorry, sorry," I quickly said. "So whose got you love struck?" Jeremy teased. "Oh no one, I was just texting Bethan," I said without thinking. "Bethan?" Hayley looked up over at me. I could see in her pixie like eyes that she had made a connection or that a thought at come into her mind. Oh crap.
"How is she?" she asked cautiously. "Good, you only saw her the other day." "Oh did she tell you that?" Her eyebrows rose. "Yeah, just in casual conversation," I said. "Cool," she said. I nodded and smiled.
"Ohshitohshitohshit," I thought. Whilst everyone continued the conversation, a wave of panic flew over me. Did Hayley know? Did Bethan tell her? Do I tell her know? What would Bethan say? Were me and Bethan going to tell anyone? Would she be offended if I asked her if we were going to tell anyone? Was she ready to tell anyone?
Was I ready to tell anyone?
Some days I wanted to scream it at the top of my longs that I'd kissed Bethan's lips and other days I couldn't think of anything worse. It wasn't that I was ashamed of her or didn't want people to know we were together, it was the pressure that came with it. I keep my private life pretty private from fans, but Bethan's got he own fans as well. Also, I haven't had a girlfriend in so long. Everything's was going well, but what if I fucked it up? And if we broke up, it would be awkward for the people around us. If no one knew and something went wrong, then it would stay that way, no one would have to know. But at the same time, the idea of breaking up with Bethan hurt me. I was also scared of what my family would do. Would they over react and scare her away? She never really had a family, and with mine being so close, would it rub it in?
There were so many worries running through my mind. One thing that was for sure, was there was no way I was telling anyone today me and Bethan were together. As much as I didn't want to bring the topic up, I needed to talk to Bethan about it and see what she said. She is what matters the most.
"Date night tonight?" I text her. I put my phone away and actually became involved in the conversation. Hayley wanted to make "Still Into You" the next single. "It's so different from "Now"," Justin said. "Yeah, and well...a lot more mainstream...you may loose some of the less invested following;" Adam added. "I know but...the song means so much..and I believe in it so god damn much." I knew it would be an extremely special thing for Hayley if her song for Chad was our single. The love she had for him was so strong and vibrant. I saw it every time he looked to her and she to him. I felt blessed whenever in their presence. I wanted a love like that. "Like I said Hayley, if you like it, then go for it. It's a great song and yeah, a little more pop, but I'm the one playing the guitar riff, because there is one, because it's still a rocky song. Let's do it! Let's release this kick ass love song!" I said. Hayley's face lit up. "Agreed!" said Jeremy and we high fived. Hayley on the other side of me leant into me. "Thank you," she said. I nodded and smiled. The conversation continued but then I felt my phone buzz.
"Make it an early dinner, I wanna see your face as soon as possible, nearly forgotten what it looks like"
Maybe I was really on my way to that kind of love Chad and Hayley had. And I couldn't think of a better person to have it with.
I was outside Bethan's apartment at 5. "I'm here," I said into my phone after she picked up. "Okay, cool I'll be down there in like 2 minutes." "Don't rush, you always come down to me, just buzz me in and I'll come up and get you," I said. She paused. "Cool," she said and it was like there was a smile in her voice. There was buzzing noise and the gates opened. I then went to the front door where I buzzed for her apartment. The door opened again and I walked into the small lobby like area. As I began to walk towards the stairs, the door opened to a small office. An older man walked out, with white hair and soft features. I recognised him after a few seconds, as Bethan's landlord, Gary. I smiled and nodded in his direction.
"Taylor, is it?" I was startled by the sudden conversation. "Ur, yes sir, it is," I said and turned on my heel to face him. He outstretched his hand to me. "Gary, I'm the landlord here," he said and I shook his hand. "I remember. I was here with Bethan the day the apartments flooded, you're a very calm and patient man, I admire that," I said and laughed. He joined in. "Well, yes, sometimes you just have to be. I'm glad it all worked out. Bethan's apartment had some of the worst damage. Thankfully, she didn't seem to mind about the furniture and what not, so we ripped everything out and started again. You've sometimes just got to start fresh, but you've got to make sure it's for the best," he said and I felt as if he had other meanings behind his words. "I agree, completely...and she's a smart girl. And I'm a smart guy. I wouldn't let her do anything that wasn't safe or good for her," I replied. He nodded and waved me off. I nervously walked up the stairs. Whenever mentioning Gary, Bethan had words of praise. I felt like I had gotten the blessing of a very important person.
I knocked on the door, playing out a little tune. I was so excited at the prospect of seeing Bethan. Distance makes the heart grow stronger right? Or fonder? I can't remember, but still, I wanted to see her straight away. My heart beat sped up as I heard her walking around on the other side of the door, gathering her things.
The door opened and I looked up. She was wearing a black, flowing, floral maxi skirt. On her fingers, she wore a load of rings. Her hair was pulled back into a "messy" bun, which in reality, was perfection. She had on sandals and a slouchy bag on her shoulder. The thin grey top she wore had a knot tied in it at the bottom, showing a slither of her bare waist. She looked into my eyes and my heart stopped beating for a second.
"Hey," she said, and stepped forward. That when I noticed that the skirt had a slit and her leg peaked out. I looked back into her eyes. "Hey," I replied and reached my hands out to her waist, pulling her in and smashing my lips against hers. I quickly moved my hands to the small of her back, pulling her against me. Her lips worked with mine and her hands found their way to my face. I turned around, shut the door and moved her against it. I let one hand trail down from her back to her waist and then rested it gently on the side of her hip. That's when I felt her leg peak out from her skirt. Her leg rose up and pulled me in closer. I gently let my hand touch her bare thigh. Her skin was so smooth. As my fingers grazed over the skin, I was transported back to the night when we had everyone round for dinner and we were outside her room. My feelings for her had grown stronger as had the sparks that I felt in that moment with her lips against mine.
I broke away from the kiss, breathless. I looked into Bethan's eyes again. The swirls of blue, of grey, of green, was like a painting that you couldn't ever get over how great it was. Her pupils were so dilated, they almost covered all the colours. I liked to think I had that affect on her with that kiss, cause she sure as hell had done something to me.
"I think we should go now, or we'll never get round to leaving," she said, in a small voice that sounded like her smile. "I agree," I said, when in reality all I wanted to do was hide away from the world with her.
The sun was still shining in the sky as we walked along the pavement. I dug my hands into my pockets, while Bethan walked next to me, with her arms folded. Even though we had been through so much together, the relationship was still fresh and at times it was understandable that we may become awkward, like this walk in silence. Then I thought back to that kiss under 5 minutes ago.
I stuck my arm out, my fingers splayed. She looked down at it after a few seconds and then back to me. She dropped her arms and put her hand out. I quickly grabbed it and pulled her close, wrapping my hand around her waist to kiss her on the cheek as we walked down the pavement. She giggled and I smiled against her face, dropping my hand from her waist to interlock her fingers with mine.
"I'm so happy," I said as our hands swung between us. "I am too. I can't even describe it. But, yes, happy is one way," she said and smiled up at me.
"I'm loving all these rings," I said. Me and Bethan found a nice restaurant along the strip that had outside dining. We were now sitting at a small table, with the warm, setting sun, holding hands across the table. "Thanks!" she laughed. "I saw them the other day in my old stuff and thought I'd put them on...they mean a lot haha," she said. "What's this one?" I said and wiggled a gold thick one on her left pointer finger that had "OC" engraved on it. "My cousin, Blake, my aunts son, he did metal and shop work in high school and one time they had to engrave a bit of metal so he made me a ring with "OC" on it for O'Connor haha," she replied. "I didn't know you were that close." "Yeah...him and George...they were like my brothers...I haven't spoken to them in so long...," she replied. I saw how her mood dropped and I quickly moved on. "What this on your pinky?" "That's a claddagh ring, it's an irish thing. The hands are the hands of friend ship, the crown, the crown of loyalty and the heart is...well the heart of love." "That's beautiful," I said. "It really is," she said and I squeezed her hands.
"Okay one more," I said and pointed at a ring with a coco cola bottle cap on it. "That was from the first ever warped tour Please Clarify did in 2008." "Hey...hey, that's when we met!" "Yeah, it sure was...I remember it like it was yesterday if I'm honest." "So can I...."
July 2008
"Thank you Dallas!" Hayley shouted and ran off stage. That was my cue to take my guitar off and hand it to one of the tech guys. I fumbled slightly getting the strap over my head but quickly somehow got out of the tangle and handed my guitar to the tech guy. It had only been a few shows into the Warped Tour that Paramore were playing. It was also the first few festival shows I'd ever played with Paramore. I was nineteen, out of high school, and officially part of the band. I'd already been to the UK and around Europe with them, but it was still a big adjustment getting used to all the tech stuff and doing the right thing. It was a big change from when we used to jam in my garage before they were signed.
As I walked off stage, I turned to talk about how good of a set that was. However, no one was there. I then realised I didn't exit stage left like instructed to do so that I could get straight to the green room (in reality, a tent). I saw before me a long row of tech equipment, cables, wires, dudes running around with Mics and amps and ear pieces. It was like an organised chaos. I walked along, exploring my new territory, when I saw a beautiful rack of guitars. I stopped and store in awe at the instruments. Jazzmaster, strats, telecasters, gibsons- all in crazy colours, waiting to be picked up and played.
Someone pushed into the back of me. I turned around quickly to hold them by the shoulders. "Sorry!" squeaked the cutest voice I had ever heard. I looked down to see a girl, Hayley's height or a bit taller. Her hair was gingery and auburn, a natural colour, a mass of curls. She looked up and my heart stopped. Her eyes were a swirl of blue, grey and green. She had a cherub like mouth. Her cheeks were a bright pink, her face burnt slightly in area from the sun. She was wearing a Radiohead tshirt with the sleeves cut off, and a pair of skinny jeans where one leg was black and the other grey. On her feet were black vans. I hadn't seen such a perfect mixture in all my life.
When I realised how much time had passed and I let go of her shoulders. "Sorry, sorry," I said as I tried to cover my blushing face. "Oh no, no! It was me, I'm such a klutz, I wasn't watching where I was going," she said, explaining with her hands. I looked down and noticed the microphone and in ears in her hands. "She must be a stage hand or a tech girl," I thought to myself. "Well, let's just call it quits," I said. "Agreed," she laughed.
"Urm," I suddenly felt my shyness creep in, and shoved my hands down I to my pockets, rocking back and forth on my toes. I heard her take a breath. "So, where you heading?" she asked. "Well, I'm meant to be at the performer green room..tent..thing..but I didn't exist with my band the right way." "Oh, well, I need to go there now, I'll take you," she said and started to walk. She stopped and turned around to smile at me. "Let's go," she laughed.
I was distracted as she walked ahead of me but when I clicked that I was supposed to be moving, I ran awkwardly with my hands in my pockets. "So what's your band called?" She asked. "Paramore." "No way! You guys are doing sick!" "Haha, thanks! It's all blown up pretty quick!" "What do you do?" "I'm the rhythm guitarist." She smiled and nodded. We carried on walking and I noted little features about her. She was had this amazing shade of blue nail varnish on one hand and black on the other, slightly picked away in places. I noted between in between her pinky and finger next to it, on her right hand, a small white scab of skin that was a different shade to the rest of her. Her shoulders had sprays of small orange freckles. I looked to the side of me and saw through the large sleeve hole a small brown birth mark. She was wearing a purple bra. I wasn't perving, I wasn't meaning to see all this. I just wanted to take in every detail there and then.
"I didn't catch your name," she said and I jumped in my skin, in the fear
Of her catching me staring at her. When she looked at me in the eyes I saw the small sliver of silver glitter under her eyes. "Taylor! My names Taylor York!" "Cool," she laughed and I nodded and smiled. Then I remembered. "Sorry! Sorry! I forgot to ask you, what's your name? I want to know, not just because..you asked me..so..wait...yeah, sorry what was your name?" I said shyly and rubbed the back of my neck. "It's-"
"Taylor! Where'd you go?!" I heard Zacs voice call me. I hadn't noticed that we'd actually reached the artists tent. The place was full as people crowded around the food and drinks. I turned to talk to the girl. She'd gone. Vanished. Forever. I couldn't make her out in the crowd, I couldn't see her anywhere. Zac approached me as I tried to see over the crowd. "What's up dude! I told you to follow us!" "Yeah sorry dude, messed up," I quickly said looking around to see if I could spot her.
I looked to the drinks and food table, not surprised to only see six foot drummers stuffing their faces. But out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone grab a glass bottle from the ice bucket. The likelihood of it being any girl with black nail varnish was high. But when the bottle was raised above everyone as she tried to shimmy out, the blue nail varnish confirmed my wishes. I pushed through the crowd as if I was swimming against a current. I wasn't giving up. Well, that's what I thought. I felt someone grab me out of the crowd.
"Jeremy! Dude!" "C'mon taylor, there's a new band playing, they're meant to be insane. We're gonna watch it from side stage." "But-" "C'mon!" I slumped and let him pull me wherever, feeling pissed off and in a strop.
We were side stage, me, Zac, Josh, Jeremy and Hayley. I stood with my arms crossed, not bothered about whoever was playing, just that I'd never see my dream girl again. "Cheer up, I think you'll like them!" Hayley said and nudged me. I made a grunt and looked to the stage. The audience was buzzing. Three dudes ran on and took there places. A drummer, bassist and guitar player. "When are they gonna start?" I moaned.
"Hello Dallas!"
The voice echoed in my eardrums. "Sorry about the delay." I looked up. "My inears and mic fucked up. And also I grabbed a drink." She rose her hand in the air to show the coke bottle. "Now before we start," she said. "This...this is our first Warped tour show. So take it easy on us. But at the same time...don't...make us work for your respect, make us work for your mosh pits." The crowd cheered. She held up the bottle and used the end of her mic to break the cap off. "This," she held it up. "This, I'm keeping forever," and put it in her pocket. "Oh shit!" She laughed. "Forgot to introduce us! These are my good friends; Michael! Dan! Frank! And I'm Bethan!" Her name shook me. It sounded like a name I'd never forget. And I never did. "And we are Please Clarify!"
A heavy base note kicked in. She stomped her foot. The bass managed to some how kick in again and her head was bouncing as if she had no bones in her neck.
"Easy on the eyes my friend, you don't wanna mess with this!" She sang. Her voice..her voice was amazing. Such powers and loudness.
"Amazing?" Zac asked me as the song continued. I looked to the stage and Bethan turned momentarily. Our eyes connected and she smiled shyly. She then began to head bang.
"Amazing."
(The song is "Move Shake Hide" by Marmozets, I own nothing)
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I looked across the table to the girl in front of me. Her eyes sparkled still to this day, they never once dulled. "I thought you were cute when we first met," she said. "And how bought now?" I laughed. "Meh," she said and laughed. I smiled at her.
"Amazing."