magnus:
i feel like shit. alec's been so down recently, and he hasn't changed bar a few days. it breaks my heart to see him like this.
what if he does it?
what if i wasn't enough?
what if he thinks i'm a piece of shit for not trying harder to help him?
the truth is, i'm trying as hard as i can. i love him. i love him so much. i've seen him at his worst and at his best. but there's only so much i can do. i cant force him to go to therapy again. i cant do anything like that.
does that make me a bad person?
it's killing me. i want him to know i love him, i want him to know he can get better, there is hope. even if he has to fucking take antidepressants for the rest of his life.
but is that really any different than suicide? is living on a lie better?
what if he does it? what if i'm not there and he's gone? what do i do then? i cant think of it. i won't let it happen.
i'm willing to let myself die as long as alec doesn't.
<-- the next chapter is the end y'all 😳😳
i'm not gonna upload it until the end of this month tho lololol
ALSO I MEET TØP IN JUST UNDER THREE WEEKS I'M GONNA S C R E A M-->