The loud noise that woke me was his stomach suddenly growling almost as loudly as mine had, which elicited a giggle from me. He pretended to scowl and muttered something about having to keep his strength up and got back up, padding over to the table and bringing the tray back to the bed this time. He didn't bother to put any clothes on and I watched him, enjoying the way his muscles worked under his skin as he moved. I didn't think I'd ever grow tired of looking at him. He gave me a knowing smile as he caught my expression, and I blushed. As he ate, we made small talk, and I worked up my courage to request yet more information. If he was in a talkative mood, I was going to take advantage of it. He noticed my preoccupation and looked at me inquiringly.
"Tell me about your time in Normandy," I requested, and he sighed, closing his eyes at the memories. He set the tray on the floor and sat against the headboard, holding out his arms. I crawled into them and he settled me against his chest, where I could hear the steady beat of his heart. The heart I had almost broken. I closed my eyes momentarily at the thought, and listened to his voice as he began speaking.
Guy and Isabella had found their mother's family in Normandy, and Isabella stayed with them while he went to work as a stable boy for a wealthy friend of the family. It had gone well for about a year, until the Master's wife found her eye settled on him. She was the first lover he had mentioned to me, Florienne. She was unhappy in her marriage, which had been one of convenience to a man who, while not cruel, was indifferent to her and her needs. She took Guy into her bed, and taught him what those needs were. He believed himself in love, and was an eager student. Whether she loved him or not, he never knew, but she seemed to have a fondness for him. They carried on for almost a full year before her husband found out. He walked in on them when he decided one afternoon to come home early and bed his wife. He was furious.
He yelled at his wife that this was the last time she would do this to him because he was going to lock her in her room, not allowing her any access to anyone except her maid. He had Guy whipped mercilessly and dumped outside his lands. Guy managed to get back to his relatives, but they had already heard the news and kicked Isabella out of the house. She was able to get him to an inn, where they spent most of the little money he had on a room and a doctor. Although he fixed up Guy's wounds, they healed badly, causing the scars I had long wondered about.
During the time he was healing from his wounds he had time to think, and to realize what Florienne's husband had said to her. Guy felt like a fool -- of course he wasn't the first man she had taken into her bed. It made him realize that she had probably never had feelings for him, and had most likely just seduced him. He could never ask her, and so he could never know for sure, or find any closure. At that point he had vowed never to bed a married woman again. He paused his story here, and I wrapped my arms around him, pressing soft kisses to his neck as he sat lost in thought.
"I have never told anyone else about that," he whispered. "I didn't want anyone to know I had been such a fool."
"Thank you for telling me," I whispered back. "I don't think you were a fool, just inexperienced." He smiled ruefully and continued.
He was now sixteen; Isabella was fourteen. They traveled around Normandy, stealing food when they could and trying to find work, for two more years. Sometimes they did, but it never lasted long. Guy's temper would flare, or their employer would take an unseemly interest in Isabella; sometimes both. Guy swore that what had happened to him would never happen to her. So when an Englishman approached them about marrying Isabella, Guy thought it was the answer to their prayers. He negotiated to get passage back to England for both of them, thinking that he could try to get the Gisborne lands back...by whatever means necessary.
He realized on the voyage from Normandy to England what kind of husband Isabella had - ruthless, vindictive, and cruel. She went from an optimistic, happy girl to a sullen, uncooperative one. Guy regretted letting Thornton marry her, but she belonged to him as his wife. There wasn't much he could do. I couldn't help interjecting at this point.
"Do I belong to you?" I asked, and he shot me a look.
"Marian..." he started warningly, and I asked him again. He sighed and shook his head. "You are my wife, Marian. Yes, technically you belong to me. Just as you used to belong to your father. But I don't think of you that way." I had been ready to protest, but softened at the last part of his speech. "You are my partner, Marian. I don't think I own you...I can't imagine what would happen if I tried, but I doubt it would be good." We both chuckled softly, and then he looked at me in all seriousness. "Part of what I fell in love with is your independent streak; your resistance to any kind of attempts on the Sheriff's part to contain you or order you around."
Of course I knew that. He had never given me reason to think any different. I had never felt stifled by him, or strong-armed. Even on our wedding night he had been gentle, and tender, and asked permission. I didn't even know why I had asked him -- I just blurted it out. Now I apologized for putting him on the spot, and he smiled his crooked smile.
"I am glad you understand, mon amour," he replied, and we smiled at each other. I snuggled in closer and requested the rest of the story. He sighed and continued.
Once back in England, he and Isabella parted ways. She reluctantly went with her husband and he found employment as a squire so he could eventually train to be a knight. He was almost too old, but Vaisey noticed him, appreciated his ruthlessness, and took him under his wing. At first Guy enjoyed the attention, and thrived under Vaisey's tutelage. It didn't take him long to notice Vaisey's proclivity for torture and pain -- not his own, but that of others -- but at the time he was so wrapped up in his desire for retribution that he pushed his doubts aside.
Not long after he met Vaisey, Guy met his sister, Davina. He was still inexperienced when it came to women, and she easily charmed him into her bed. He was also unsure of himself, and her attentions bolstered his self-confidence for a while. She was the dominant one in the relationship, just as Florienne had been, but Davina was also cruel. She toyed with Guy, which he didn't realize until later, using him for her own amusement. Once again, however, he thought himself to be in love. What a soft hearted man he really was, my husband. I shuddered to think of what might have happened had I used him in a similar manner.
Vaisey was amused at the relationship between his acolyte and his sister. He never bothered to tell Guy what his sister was like, and so Guy found out the hard way. When she grew tired of him, she threw him out, walking away and never coming back. The first time he had seen her since was when she came to the castle with her snakes. He had been hartbroken, and came to realize that he had learned a valuable lesson and vowed never to give his heart again. Of course, that was before he met me, he added softly. I shifted and lifted my face to him to give him a tender kiss.
I asked about the third woman, the one he had used, and he grimaced. The Sheriff had needed some information from her, and told Guy to get it for him. Normally that meant torture, but Guy was still smarting from Davina's departure and decided to take a different approach. She was a young widow whose husband had been cruel to her. Guy found it easy to seduce her, practically a girl and still dreaming of love. Once again the Sheriff was amused by Guy's actions.
Although he got her into his bed fairly quick, she was more generous with her body than her information. He admitted, a little shamefaced, that he did enjoy her. He felt guilty about that too -- perhaps more guilty than the rest of it. It was one thing to betray someone like that, but another thing to enjoy doing it. That was part of why he never allowed her to stay all night. He didn't want to enjoy it so much that he forgot what he was doing. He told me that he was relieved she had never become with child during their encounters, which I was also relieved to hear.
Eventually she trusted him enough to tell him what he wanted to know. Once he got the information the Sheriff wanted, he dropped her just as Davina had done to him. It didn't earn him any praise beyond a slap on the back, and he came to regret what he had done. He kept seeing her around until they came to Nottingham; a constant reminder of his actions. This time he swore never to use a woman in that manner again, and he hadn't. Nor would he, now that he was married to me.
Vaisey was a supporter of Prince John, and Guy fell in line with that. When John gave Vaisey my father's job as Sheriff of Nottingham, because John didn't trust my father, Guy came with him to be his second in command. He had been back in England for six years, and was finally getting closer to getting his lands back. It was pure luck that he had ended up with the man who would get him back to where he grew up. He moved into the castle, helping Vaisey to kick me and my father out.
I remembered that day well; I was fourteen and incredulous that my father could be made to leave the job that he had held for most of my life. He explained to me that things change all the time, and his time was up. I remembered glaring at the new Sheriff and his henchman, angry at them for making us leave. I yelled at them, my eyes filling with angry tears, and called them names as my father tried to shush me. Vaisey had laughed at me the whole time, but Guy had just stood there watching me. I also remembered thinking that there was something familiar about the man all dressed in black leather; that even though he wore a sneer I thought I could see a glimmer of kindness almost hidden away. And when he turned his eyes on me I saw them soften, just a little.
"Did you love me that first day, when I was so rude to you?" I asked now, and he chuckled.
"I remembered you, little Marian, who was only four when I left, and always so sweet to me, but I could tell that you didn't remember me. Your father did -- I saw the recognition in his eyes. I was surprised at how you had grown, and how you had changed from a pretty girl to a beautiful maid, and I knew right then that I wanted you. I wanted to get my lands back, and gain my fortune, so I could be worthy of your hand." He took my hand in his, brought it to his mouth, and kissed it tenderly.
"Oh, Guy, why didn't you tell me any of this? Why did you make it so hard for us?" My eyes filled with tears as I thought of all the wasted time I had spent hating him. "I would have felt so differently about you," I whispered.
"Because there was much I had done that I wasn't proud of. I have not told you so much still, but it is too much for one sitting. I didn't know yet that I loved you...I thought I had locked the ability to feel that away after my other disastrous experiences in that department. But now I think that I did love you, right from the start." His hands caressed mine, and I brought them to my lips, kissing each one in turn. Then I looked into his eyes.
"I don't remember you at all from when I was young, but I did think I recognized you. Did we see each other a lot?" He smiled softly, as if bringing to mind a fond memory.
"A fair amount. Your father was not yet Sheriff, and Knighton is close to Locksley, and what was Gisborne, and most days I'd see you at least once. You and your father came over for dinner every so often. You would come straight to me, not giving anyone else much more than a hello, and I would keep you entertained." His eyes focused on me again, and he smiled at me. "You enchanted me, even at two, and I always enjoyed spending time with you."
"That sounds rather lecherous!" I joked, and he grinned.
"Yes, I was a lecher, even at twelve!" He chuckled and I giggled. I did wish I could remember those times we spent together, but it was enough to hear his description of them. I did want to visit my father and ask why he hadn't told me any of this. If he had, would I have had a different opinion of Guy a little earlier on? Or did he not tell me because he thought Guy had changed so much, and not for the better?
"What about Robin?" I asked curiously. I remembered growing to like him, but had I only replaced Guy with him? He stopped chuckling and his smile faded.
"You often tried to get his attention, but he was usually too busy showing off. He didn't spend time with you like I did. I often wonder if you would have eventually given up had I stayed around." I thought about that for a few moments. Robin had always been busy showing off. When had he even started paying attention to me? When I looked less like a child and more like a woman? Had he saved himself for me like Guy? I doubted it. He was always so smooth with women. Not like Guy, who hadn't even been smooth with me.
Suddenly I saw it all, how he was actually shy and reserved, inexperienced with women, and then treated badly in one way or another by two of the three women he had been with. Florienne knew what would happen when they were caught, but she took up with him anyway. She didn't bother to warn him, either. Davina was...well, Davina. And the third woman had done nothing, but he felt horrible about what he had done to her. Not a glowing review by any means. But now I understood why he had "courted" me the way he had -- he didn't know how to do it properly.
If he had stuck around, would our relationship have grown more naturally? Would I have come into womanhood loving him? Would I have been his first, as he was mine? My eyes blurred at the thought that our path had not been that way. His hands framed my face and raised it so I saw his concerned expression looking back at me.
"Marian, are you alright?" he asked softly, and I nodded. Shaking off my melancholy, I thought back to his question.
"I probably would have, given how I was with you when I was younger. A girl can only take so many brush offs before she starts concentrating on those who really notice her." We both lay in silence, thinking about what that would have meant. I had one more thing to say, however. "I believe the end result would have been the same -- I would still be in your bed right now. Circumstances cannot change our core feelings for each other. Perhaps it wouldn't have taken as long to get here, though."
"Do you really think so?" he asked tremulously. I reached up to caress his face.
"Yes, I do. Robin is superficial. I didn't see that until I had you to compare him to. You are deep, and you buried all your feelings so deep, but you have brought them to the surface for me. A girl can't help but love someone for that. But your life has also made you who you are, and I hope that you don't regret that part of it. I love you for who you are, because of all your sides, but especially the one you only show to me."
He kissed me then, a sweet kiss filled with yearning and love, and I kissed him back. This last day had been so enlightening -- he had bared his soul to me, and I couldn't help but love him all the more because of it. Rather than drive me away, as he had been afraid it would do, it had brought us closer together. I had also learned a little bit about my younger self, something no one else had told me, and I was glad of it.