Its been six months since i found out about Vladiks cancer. I havent left his side since our break up. My heart, in a milion pieces. Breaking up with him was the hardest thing i have ever done. It just didnt feel right being with him at that moment.
For six months my feelings have been in knots. Lets just say im not really sure what im feeling at the moment. I get these feelings at times like i still want to be with Vladik. But i keep telling myself its best if we dont try anything again. Our love, it was perfect, WAS.
At times i wish my memory didnt come back. I would wish that instead, i made new memories and those would be left forgotten. When those memories caming flooding in that day i was devastated. I tried telling myself that those memories never happened. But i remembered them. I remebered each and every one perfectly.
What hurt me the most was the fact that Vladik knew. He knew everything. But he never said a word to me about it. None of it was spoken of. I dont know if he was just trying to save me from getting hurt, or he just took advantage over the fact that i lost my memory. He shouldve known that the truth always comes out. Not that he was lying to me, he just didnt tell me everything.
So when i found out, i had to do it. It was for the best. I knew i wouldnt be able to continue my life with him like nothing happened at all.
When i was a child, i was always confused. I wouldnt know what was going on, but i wasnt stupid either. Some how i would figure out what was right and what was wrong. At that time it was like being a child again. I was confused, but the answer came right to me. No matter how badly it would break my heart, i had to do it.
"Earth to Nata!" Kori snapped her fingers infront of my face. I snapped out of thought wondering how long she was trying to grab my attention for. "I asked you like a million times which dress should i wear to mine and Rusyas date tonight?" She put a dark blue silky dress up to her body, waiting.
"Whats your other choice?" I asked examining the dress. It wasnt my type, but on Korina it would look just perfect!
"This one." She answered putting down the blue dress while picking up a cream colored dress. It was a bit short, and low on the back. The material, soft, it looked like a very comftorable dress.
"That one, its Gorgeous." I exclamied rubbing the material. It felt so nice against my hands. Korina gave me a weird look and snatched the dress away.
"Well im glad you think this ones gorgeous because, i invited you and Vladik to come with us. I know you guys are over but it would be nice to go out right?" Kori spoke calmly not looking me in the eyes. My stomach sunk and i sighed.
"Yeah youre right it would be." i gave her a small smile, but inside i was screaming. I didnt want to go out, i wanted to just sit home and eat ice cream. Watch a movie. I wasnt really up to see Vladik today.
"Awesome!" Kori exclamied throwing the dress back into my hands.
I nodded making a face, while catching my dress.
"Now now Nata, no faces." She said, bringing a small smile to my face.
"So, what time is the date again?" I asked, earsing any expression off my face. Kori held up seven fingers. " ohh that's soon!" I exclaimed checking the time on my phone.
"Yeah, but Rusya is picking us up at 6:30 because we need to drive in an d buy something for Vladik." Korina explained, her back facing me.
"What are you buying him?" I asked curious. It wasn't his birthday was it?
"His birthdays in a couple days! Nata you don't remember?" Oh snap, she's right his birthday was in a couple days. How could I forget?
"Oh, that's right, oops my bad. You know I'm bad at remembering dates." I said. "What are you getting him?" I went on. Korina shrugged staring into the mirror. "Oh well um I'm going to get him a Barbie doll." I whispered. I only realized what I said after I said it aloud. Kori looked at me with sympathy in her eyes.
"Oh my gosh..." She breathed. "Nata you have to forget about that!"
"I can't, ok. It's just stuck in my head it's like all I think about now." Korina sat down next me putting her hand over my shoulder.
"I know it's hard, but it was seven years ago, and he apologized for everything." She said rubbing my arm.
"I know, and I forgave him but it's still there." My eyes started to tear. "I'm so silly, you're right it was seven years ago! Ahh" I stood up brushing Koris arm away. "Well, lets get ready for this date, shall we?" I spoke with enthusiasm.
"Of course my friend!" Kori winked at me and started pulling her jeans off.
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"Wow you girls look amazing!" Rusya exclaimed keeping his eyes on Korina. Yeah more like SHE looks amazing. I looked behind him wondering where Vladik was.
"Um Vladik couldn't make it.." It's like he read my mind or something. I noticed that there was sadness in the way he said it.
"Where is he?" I asked dragging out each word. Rusya looked behind my shoulder and squinted, scratching the back of his head.
"Well babe you going to tell us or not?" Korina grabbed both his hands.
"He's at the hospital..and I was going to ring you up and tell you we should go see him instead. But then I decided to just tell you when you get here." Rusya explained glancing behind us. The grin from Korinas face slowly faded.
"I thought he was getting better?!" I screamed, I could feel my heart tighten. "We need to go see him now." I said rushing towards Rusyas car, Kori and Rusya following closely behind.
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We entered Vladiks room where he lay writing something in a small notebook, as soon as he noticed us he shut the notebook shoving it under his pillow. His skin pale, like paper.
"You guys look amazing." He managed to say his voice cracking. I forced a small smile.
"How are you feeling?" Rusya asked sounding really concerned. Vladik took his eyes off of me focusing on Rusya.
"Not any better than how I look." He laughed softly.
The last time I seen him he looked much healthier, but now looking at him I almost didnt recognize him. He was skinny and pale. I almost started crying from how weak and helpless he looked.
I closed my eyes saying a small prayer for him in my mind.
"Thanks for visiting me." Vladik said after a moment of silence. Rusya and Kori nodded at the same time.
My mind was elsewhere. Without thinking I blurted out. "You can't die."
All eyes turned to me. I realized what I just said, scolding myself in my mind.
"It's not really my choice what happens to me." Vladik spoke, his voice had a hint of fear. I felt guilty. As if it was my fault he got cancer. Maybe if I wouldn't have become his friend, he wouldn't have cancer. No, that's silly, I thought to myself. You can't get cancer just by being someone's friend. I found my self having a conversation in my head. I was going crazy.
"Um guys im going to go, i dont feel to well." I mumbled dashing for the door. I heard them yelling something as i fled down the hallway.
I needed to have some time alone, let everything out.
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"Hey Nata!." Rusya screamed to from across the parking lot. I sent him a small smiling waving 'hello'. "Korinas looking all over for you." He stated getting closer to me.
"Where is she?" I asked him looking around for Kori.
"Shes already inside." He stuck his thumb out pointing towards the school.
"Oh. What does she want?"
"I dont know but she said it was important." Shrugging his shoulders he started for the doors. I followed closing behind wondering what Kori wanted.
"Nata!! There you are!" Koris voice rung in my ears. I winced at how loud she was.
"What did you want?" I asked.
"Well you see Nata. Its about Vladik." She played with her sleeve nervously. Confusion set into my mind.
"What about him?" I managed to say.
"He wanted me to give you this." She took out an enveleop from her binder. I stared at it going to take it but she snatched it away. I looked at her confused. "But not now!" Shoving it back into her binder she squinted up at the wall.
"Okay then why the hell did you tell me? What the hell Kori, what the hell?!" I was angry. Maybe it was the fact that my life was just so miserable at the moment.
"I dont know! Damn it im bad at waiting ok?!" She blurted out into my face. I looked at her stunned.
"Well im going to go now, see you later." Turning on my heel i left. My anger was slowly going away. Instead the emptiness feeling ive been getting lately settled in.
I hate cancer.
Cancer ruined my damn life.
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So i know i havent uploaded in FOREVER!! and im so sorry guys i really am. I was just stuck and i had NO idea what to write. I changed this story so many times.. Anways this was a bit of a filler chapter. Sorry if it sucks. anways hope you enjoy.
Love Nata<3