"I don't think I should come this week, Jess." I said, my phone pressed to my ear as I sat in the dark of my living room. I was drinking whisky from a bottle disguised in a brown paper bag and I hadn't turned a single light on. I could hear Katie skyping Paloma upstairs, talking animatedly in Spanish. I rolled my eyes. We still weren't talking.
"Come on, babe it'll be great. You don't even have to talk to Jared, you know?"
"I feel like I need to, though. I hurt him quite bad."
"Eh, fuck it you're single and you can do what you want." I could hear impatience rising in Jess's voice.
I closed my eyes. "What's the plan?"
"Get to the pub for seven. We're having food and drinks there, and then back to mine for pre's and then onto town for the bar crawl."
"I'll be there."
₪ Ø lll ·o.
I checked my phone, scrolling aimlessly through the texts Jared and I had sent to each other since last week. He was pissed. I don't blame him.
I took a large swig of whisky and realised I should probably slow down. I put it back in the kitchen and sat down again. I couldn't sit still.
I thought about Shannon's gorgeous eyes.
I thought about Jared's gorgeous eyes.
Fuck.
I looked back through my messages again. Shannon had messaged me a few days ago after the whole mix up with Jared...
Hey kitten I hope we're cool? Shan xx
He literally hadn't given a shit that I'd slept with Jared. It dawned on me then, that maybe it was because he really didn't like me much after all and just wanted to be friends, whereas Jared was proper angry about everything because he was the one who liked me.
I had replied...
Hey, yeah we're all good Shannon. I think I really pissed him off... I'm sorry please don't judge me. I feel awful but he's taken it a bit too seriously? xx
I had hovered over the send button for a good few minutes before clicking it. I had paced about for ages, nervous for a reply. He didn't keep me waiting too long...
He likes you lol. I don't blame him. I'll see you real soon and maybe we can talk about it properly... over coffee? xx
Phew. The last thing I wanted was a pissed off Shannon. But that hadn't resolved the situation with Jared. I realised that by going out with Jess this week, things would probably kick off but I didn't want to lose them both...
₪ Ø lll ·o.
I didn't fancy pub food so I had some dinner before I left. I said "bye" in the vague direction of Katie as she swanned down the stairs with her nose in the air.
It was still cold outside and I shivered in my little black dress as I made my way quickly to the pub. When I arrived everyone was just finishing their food. I squeezed in next to James, the president, without even looking at who else was already there.
"Hey, here's Y/N!" He called to everyone down the table.
Jess budged up to give me some more space on the other side. She moved a little closer to Garrett who winked at her while chewing, and nodded at me,
"Arite babe." He said, pointing with his fork. "James got you a drink already."
"Thanks." I took a sip and then finally looked around at all the faces. Jared was the only one averting his eyes and quietly finishing his food. I waited until he had finished completely and then I nudged Jess.
"You okay?" She asked, eyes wide.
"I should talk to him."
"What, now?!"
Before she could stop me I hopped out of my seat on the bench and walked round to the other side of the table and sat right in between Jared and Shane.
"Arite Y/N!" Shane almost had me in a headlock. "Looking fit."
I squealed a little and struggled free. "Hands off, you."
I turned to see Jared looking at me like he couldn't believe I had the nerve to speak to him. His hair was slicked back this week and it really suited him.
"Hi, Jared." I said, losing myself in his eyes already.
Everyone else was busy chatting so it wasn't too awkward.
"Hi." He said, softly. "Listen..."
"Look..."
We both spoke at the same time. I giggled and urged him to go first.
"I don't know what to say to you, Y/N so for the sake of the group I'm just going to let things go. I hope we're cool?"
I was stunned. I hope we're cool? Shannon's words echoing again...
"I... was a dick, Jared. I should have told you but... there's no excuse. So yeah for the sake of everyone here, we're cool."
We sat and talked for quite a while. Others chipped in when they realised there wasn't going to be a massive argument of any kind, and it all seemed to be going smoothly. Jess winked at me and gave me that classic thumbs up. Jared saw and we both returned the gesture and laughed.
We walked back to Jess's house after everyone had paid their share and I spoke with Jared the entire way about music and we even spoke about Shannon.
Once we were settled in a circle in Jess's living room, myself on the three-seater sofa in between Shane and Jared, we were ready to start drinking properly. We played some more drinking games and we were slowly getting more and more tipsy until I realised that Jared's arm was around my shoulder.
I eyed Jess who gave me a don't even go there look.
I wasn't uncomfortable with the contact, but I certainly didn't want our conversation earlier to mean nothing.
Just when things were going well, the back kitchen door flew open. It made us all jump because we had no idea it was unlocked. Jared jumped so hard he squeezed my shoulder. I panicked and looked at Jess.
"What's up."
In swaggered Shannon. All attitude and sunglasses, a huge crate of cider under his arm. I couldn't see his eyes but I knew he had taken note of where Jared's arm was and he dismissed it. I was frozen in my seat, wide eyed and torn between complete panic and utter infatuation. He looked even hotter than last time. He was wearing a smart shirt, no tie, and black leather pants.
"Hey, Shanny boy!" James bounced over and helped with the drinks.
"Got your shit, Garrett." He tossed Garrett a cider and took his seat in the circle. He pushed his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose a little and I froze even harder when I realised he was looking right at me. He eyed Jared quickly, and then burned back into my gaze. He nodded.
"Hey, Shannon." Jared said, a little coldly. "Didn't know you were in town."
He shrugged. "Neither did I until tonight, bro."
Jared retracted his arm and stood up. I gave Jess a slightly urgent look because I thought he was going to kick off.
"Wanna get some cigarettes?" He asked.
Shannon took a sip from his can of cider and nodded. "Okay. I'm almost out of paper." They stood up and shook hands, clapped each other on the back and proceeded to leave.
"Won't be long." Jared called, without even looking back.
"Oh... okay." Jess craned after them but they were already out the door.
Everyone, and I mean every person in that fucking room turned to look at me. I covered my face with my hands and wished the sofa would swallow me up.
One guy in the corner who I hadn't seen before looked confused among the awkward silence.
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom..." I stood up and made my way to the stairs in the corner of the room.
"Are you okay?" Jess asked. I hung in the door way to the stairs.
"Nah..." I laughed and turned away, trying not to cry. I crawled up the stairs and I could hear people whispering so I turned right back round and came down.
"Look... guys it's rude to whisper, okay?"
A few people looked a little guilty.
"Oh, er... Chris here has no idea what's going on so we're just trying to ... fill him in I guess." Shane stammered.
"Well that's kind of you, Shane. But not everyone needs to know my business." I snapped.
"Babe, everyone except him does know your business..."
"Shane, that's enough..." James stood up.
"Look!" I yelled. "Okay, fine. New guy...two weeks ago I slept with Shannon Leto, and last week I slept with Jared Leto. They are both here tonight and I don't know what to do."
Garrett fidgeted in his seat. "Which Leto do you like the most?"
Jess almost punched him. Like I swear to God I thought she was going to hit him.
"No, come on seriously. You must like one of them more?"
I rolled my eyes. "I'm going to the bathroom."
₪ Ø lll ·o.
When the brothers returned from the offie they both seemed in good spirits. I eyed them carefully as they came through the door, laughing and joking about something, cigarettes hanging out of their mouths. Everyone was now ready to go to the pub so luckily there was commotion going on when they burst back into the house.
"Hahah no fucking way." Jared was laughing. He caught my concerned eye and faltered. "You alright?" He asked, concerned.
"Yeah..." I looked beyond him towards Shannon. "You?"
He glanced over his shoulder at Shannon, then looked back at me with a cheeky smile. "We're good." He said, resuming the position of the arm around my shoulder. "Let's go."
We all bundled into a couple of taxis which took us into town for our bar crawl which finished at the same club where Shannon and I had first got together. I felt a little sick with aching nostalgia. I still wanted him so bad.
As we made our way through each of the city's bars, we were all slowly getting more and more delirious. I spent most of the time sat with Jared, but I couldn't help noticing Shannon kept looking over and winking at me. We didn't speak for quite a while, until we were almost ready to go to the club.
I stood up to go to the bathroom and almost fell straight into him.
"Whoa, fucking shit I'm so sorry Shannon."
He caught me just like he had the other week. Those strong hands gripping my arms and the flames of desire to protect me were ablaze in his dreamy eyes. I saw Jared watching and it hurt me to see the fire in his eyes go out. I felt sick. I had to react carefully.
"You good?" He asked, peering into my face as if he was checking for signs of life behind my eyes. Truth is, I felt pretty numb at this point.
"Yeah, thank you." I said, and turned, almost ran to the bathroom. I didn't realise just how drunk I was until I sat on the loo and swayed all over the place. I also didn't realise how long I was in there for, because when I emerged, Jared was the only one left.
"J?" I looked around. "Where is everybody?"
"Hey, there you are." He said, taking my hand and giving it a little squeeze. "I told Jess I'd stay behind and wait for you. They've just left a few seconds ago. Come on." He led me out into the freezing air and we had a drunken jog down the road to the club.
"Oh my GOD I can run in heels. New skill unlocked!" I yelled.
Jared laughed. "It's impressive. I kinda wanna try it."
We caught up with the others who were in the queue for the club. When we arrived I saw a passing look between Shannon and Jared that meant something in the realms of I've got her, she's safe, and a nod of gratitude from Shannon. It was kinda sweet, I guess. I was dying to know what they had spoken about earlier when they had gone out to buy cigarettes. We were all wasted so I thought I would test the waters with that very question once we had done some shots inside.
The sambuca shots in the club were fucking vile. We all made faces like we had just drank paint stripper - it would have made a hilarious photo.
The music was always shit on the main floor so after we had all downed our shots we hurried on down into the basement where the real music played. Metal, mostly. There were lads with hair down to the floor and so many people with patches on their jackets.
As we queued up at the little bar in the corner, I found myself next to Shannon. Jared had stopped to have a chat with Garrett and some other lads so it was now or never.
"Hey kitten, let me get you a drink. What would you like?" Shannon smirked at me and it knocked me for six. He had barely spoken to me all night and now he was pulling the sexy smoulder card.
"Oh, you don't have to buy me..."
He raised a finger. "Nonsense lady, what you do want?"
I smiled, defeated. "Okay, well if you insist, I will have a JD and coke, please."
He nodded and rifled through his wallet. "Comin' right up." He said.
I hesitated, then just boldly said it. "Shan... what did you er, say to Jared earlier? You know, when you went off to buy fags. Because, you both left the house like thunderclouds and came back all sunshine and rainbows. What the fuck happened?"
"One sec." He winked. He ordered my drink and his, and then he beckoned to me to come closer so I could hear over the music, and also so he didn't have to shout.
I drew closer to him.
"Okay, I'll admit, we spoke about you. He is really into you. I said dude it's up to you if you wanna go there, but at the end of the day it's her call."
I nodded. "Did you not find it weird when he told you what we'd done?"
He shrugged and took the change from the bar tender. "I'm easy going with shit like that. For instance, if you made out with him right in front of me right now, I'd find it kinda hot. Whereas if it were the other way round, he would probably wanna hit me out the park. We're just different ...do you feel me?"
He passed me my drink and I nodded. "I feel you." We touched cups, but before I could take my first sip, Jared's arm had slipped around my waist.
"Hey, sorry Y/N, I was talking. Let me buy you a drink."
I swear to God, my face mirrored Shannon's at the exact same second. Our smiles both dropped and our eyes grew wide in identical ways.
I turned to Jared and, drunkenly, fully accepted his offer, swaying into him a little.
"Thanks, that's so sweet of you, J."
He bought me a double vodka lemonade, and I suddenly found myself torn once again. I had Shannon's drink in my right hand, and Jared's in my left. They were both staring each other down like I had just broken the harmony between them all over again. Which drink was I supposed to take a sip of first?! They were both definitely waiting to see which one I would go for. I couldn't handle the pressure, so I stuck a straw in both and drank them at the same time.
Jared laughed, and after a few seconds Shannon cracked a smile too.
"Come on, let's go." We all headed out onto the dance floor to join Jess and the others.
After moshing for a good while, I flopped down on one of the squishy chairs at the side and checked my phone for no reason.
When I looked up at the shape walking towards me, I couldn't make out who it was, partly from being bleary eyed and drunk, and also because the strobes were hurting my eyes.
When they pulled up a chair next to me and sat down, my eyes adjusted. It was Shannon.
"You gotta tell me something, kitten." He said, rubbing his nose awkwardly. It was adorable, but I had no idea what he meant.
"Tell you what?" I laughed, nervously.
"It's about Paloma..." He said, fidgeting in his seat.
"I'm listening..." I said, sticking the straw back in my mouth suggestively. Jared saw me do that from across the way. Fuck sakes now it looks like I'm flirting with Shannon on purpose in front of him...
"That shitty house mate of yours... Kate? Katie?"
I gritted my teeth. "Katie..."
"Yeah, I just gotta ask you... did you know about them before I did?"
The straw almost fell out of my cup when I spat it out in shock.
"Sorry, what? You've lost me, Shannon."
He leaned in proper close. So close that I could feel no air between us. I could still see Jared watching out the corner of my eye. He was bound to take this the wrong way.
"Paloma and Katie... they're a thing." He said.
Fuck... how did I not realise?! It was so obvious... Shannon started nodding at me as if he could read my thoughts. My face must have said it all. He placed a hand on my shoulder and leaned in to speak right in my ear over the loud music.
"So you didn't know, huh? Imagine the shock when I found out. I've been mugged off to hell and back, Y/N. I guess Jared was right after all, he never saw us lasting." He shrugged and looked like he had been hurt all over again as if he were finding out for the first time.
"Hey, come here." I threw my arms around him and he stroked my hair.
When I opened my eyes I could see Jared thundering towards us. I patted Shannon urgently on the back to break the embrace.
"Uh oh..."
"What, babe?" Shannon turned around and came face to face with Jared.
"Shannon... a word outside please, bro?"
Shannon looked back and forth between me and Jared. I raised my eyebrows innocently and waited for what seemed like too long.
"Okay, sure." Shannon shrugged and followed his brother.
Jess had seen this altercation and came running straight over.
"What just happened?" She panicked.
"I think someone should follow them, Jess. I was literally talking to Shannon about his cheating ex girlfriend and I gave him a hug and Jared came over and said he wanted a word outside..."
"Oh, fuck sake." She sighed. "I'll send Garrett out after them." She turned to go. "If there's gonna be a fight then..."
I stopped her. "Whoa, no way... I'll go."
Before she could argue, I dashed after them out into the smoking area as fast as my wobbly legs would allow in my heels.
₪ Ø lll ·o.
I peered round the fire doors to see where they were and I hung back and shook my head when I saw Shannon pinned up against the wall.
I stopped and listened for a few seconds, just to make sure I didn't have the wrong idea.
"You said she was all mine for the taking, man what the fuck are you playing at? Are you trying to make me look like a complete asshole?"
I saw Shannon roll his eyes like he couldn't have given a shit.
"J come on dude, it wasn't even like that. We were talking about Paloma... okay? She felt sorry for me I guess and she gave me a hug. We couldn't hear each other fucking speak because the music was so loud so I had to get close to her? You're actually crazy, dude you need to calm down." Shannon was breathing heavy. "Oh and come on get the fuck off me, man this is stupid."
Jared tightened his grip. "I know she likes you more and you're playing up to it. It's making me feel about this big right now, Shannon." Jared measured the air with his thumb and index finger, inches from Shannon's face.
"Dude, can you please let go you're embarrassing yourself. We can talk about this like adults, right?"
Jared nearly flipped. "I thought we already had, Shannon. What's changed? Don't you even dare blame this on the drink..."
"Oh yeah you mean earlier when we 'went to buy cigarettes' ?" Shannon made sarcastic quotation marks with his fingers in the air and I knew Jared was seconds away from doing something stupid. This was my cue.
"Hey!" I yelled, stepping into view. "What's going on, guys?"
Jared laughed. "Oh, talk of the devil."
I folded my arms and sharply raised my eyebrows. "Excuse me?"
Luckily, my presence seemed to calm the tension between them, as Jared loosened his grip on Shannon and reluctantly let him go.
"Go back inside, Y/N." Shannon muttered, scuffing his sneakers on the floor.
"No, I won't." I demanded. "What's happened has happened and we can't go back and change it. It's done. Accept it. Guys, I'm not worth it...I'm not worth two brothers falling out and hating each other. This is ridiculous..."
I watched both of their faces soften in unison. They exchanged looks but there was still tension.
I stepped forward and gently took Jared by the shoulders. He looked away but then, slowly, he came around and gave me a sad, defeated smile.
"It's okay, Y/N, I get it. I get..."
"Jared..." I interrupted. "What you said earlier. About staying cool for the sake of the group? That meant a lot to me. I don't wanna lose that. I think you're great, Jared. I think you're both great. Please don't fight over me. I'm not worth it."
He looked at his feet and nodded. "Okay..." He said quietly. "But I know you still want Shannon. If you go home with him tonight I don't think I can do this, Y/N."
I glanced over his shoulder at Shannon who was straightening himself out having been shoved against the wall by Jared.
"Well, that would be real dick-ish of me, wouldn't it?"
He managed a smirk. "Wouldn't be the first time."
We smiled at each other and I wrapped my arms around him and we shared a long, meaningful embrace. I'm not sure what it meant, but holding him, and being held by him, was a wonderful feeling. I winked at Shannon who was watching in silence. He nodded at me as if to say things were cool.
I wanted both Jared and Shannon in my life, and the only way to keep them would be to not fall in love with them.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this 3 part story! As I said in part 1 it was based on a strange love triangle I found myself in. All names have been changed. It was much more fun telling the story with the Letos ;) more Mars action coming soon and if you love Jared & Shannon don't forget to give them a gold star * !! AG xx