Luke's POV
June 15th
It's a disgusting feeling to know that in a matter of days your world will be changing. Like you are sitting here doing your best to accept it when you just can't. An unbearable strangulation on your heart grips onto your heart but there is nothing to do but try not to let it kill you. I've been helping Ashton pack all day and it's getting harder to control my emotions. We picked and fought with each other all day so I decided it was in my best interest to come home and try to soothe myself.
So far not so good. By the smell of our house my mom was cooking dinner but food is the last thing I wanted right now. I wanted Ashton to stay with me and not go to Australia. I mean for heavens sake it's on the other side of the world! The timezone difference could crush us like a bug and then everything could be over between us. I suppose that part of this strangled feeling I feel is fear for what could happen between us.
I'm doing my best to calm myself by staring at my blank ceiling but even the white emptiness wasn't helping me along. Calum had texted me a couple of times but after the first message I got too lazy to respond. I'm sure he'd be irritated with me but today I really didn't care much. In five days my world would be moving across the world and there was nothing I could do about it.
What I needed now was a distraction. With a deep sigh I pushed myself up from my bed and headed for my desk. Old papers from school, notebooks full of lyrics and some empty notebooks were scattered across the wooden desktop. My hands started to shake when I grabbed up the notebooks and like a dam breaking I felt all my emotions flood to me at once. Tears streamed down my cheeks with my chest rising and falling rapidly. For some reason when I'd have a panic attack I'd always cover my mouth in attempt to silence the sobs but it never really helped. My body was shaking with sobs as I dropped to my knees in a heap on my floor.
"What am I gonna do?" I sobbed to myself and started to breath even faster. I hated when I had panic attacks but right now my world was falling down around me. I squeezed my eyes shot and I tugged my legs up to my chest wrapping my arms around myself.
If I could just go somewhere else in my mind I'd be okay for a little while.
"Luke? Oh damn it." I heard Calum's voice then felt him drop down to his knees beside me. Still heaving I latched on to my best friend as he practically pulled me into his lap for comfort. He rocked us both back and forth in an attempt to calm my sobs but it wasn't working.
"Luke, can you tell me what's wrong?" Calum asked his usual question and I shook my head no. Calum understood and continued to rub my back slowly. Within seconds Calum's soothing voice sang to me like it's done so many times before. I've lost track of how many times Calum has held me while I sobbed like this along with how many times he soothed me with his singing.
"A-Ashton's leaving." I sniffled once the sobs stopped flooding me.
"I know. That's why when you didn't answer my texts I came right over." Calum said as his hand stroked my messy hair.
"I'm going to be like half a person without him Cal I don't know what I'm going to do." I whimpered and looked up to see Calum's face fall.
"I know Luke." He admitted and I slumped even further into his arms.
"Distance can crush relationships." I said quietly.
"But it can work Luke." Calum said sternly and I nodded even though I didn't agree.
"Thank you Cal, for always being here." I whispered and felt Calum's grip tighten on my shoulders.
"I'm always here for you, you know that right?" He asked and I nodded slowly. Of course I knew that he had proved it time and time again. "Come on, let's go watch Mean Girls to cheer you up." Calum smiled and I did my best to smile back.
Calum led me downstairs and parked me on the couch while he went to grab the essentials. Every time I was sick or Cal was sick we had the same routine. Blankets, popcorn and a bowl of chocolate ice cream did just the trick. Unless we had the stomach flu then in that case we had a bowl of soup instead. Just as the movie was beginning Calum returned with a bowl of ice cream placing it on my lap before he curled up next to me.
"I never understood why you loved this move so much." Calum said smirking at me.
"I don't know why either." I shrugged and took a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth. The cool chocolate treat seemed to sooth every inch of my body like it usually did.
As the movie played out in front of us Calum and I gravitated towards each other like opposite ends of a magnet. Calum was definitely a third brother to me and in times like this I cherished him. My hands poked at Calum's cheeks making him pout while I laughed at the movie. Just as Calum tried to slap my hand away my phone began to vibrate behind me on the arm of the couch. I shoved a handful of popcorn into my mouth before grabbing my phone to see Ashton's name on the screen. Calum paused the movie as I slid my thumb over the screen to answer the call.
"Hey Ash." I greeted.
"Lukey, I need you to come to me." Ashton slurred and I felt my body go numb at the sound of a drunk Ashton. I sat up straight on the couch earning a loom from Calum and mentally prepared myself to hunt Ashton down.
"Where are you Ashton?" I asked, standing up from the couch to find my shoes.
"The old warehouse where we ditched school that one time." He said flatly.
"I'll be there soon Ash." I said before I hung up and headed for the door but Calum stood in front of me.
"I'll drive Luke." He said with a hand on my shoulder.
It didn't take long for us to reach the warehouse and I was nervous as the car came to a halt. Calum nodded in assurance as I pushed my heavy body from the vehicle and let my feet hit the sidewalk. I hated the creepy warehouse in the daytime let alone at night when it was dark. One last deep sigh and I headed up the concrete steps through the front door. I swear my breathing echoed off the walls as my footsteps sounded like gunshots in the night. A bird flew down from the roof nearly scaring me to death and I took off through the small opening and up the staircase until I reached the rooftop.
A blanket was resting on the concrete ledge with a familiar sandy haired boy sitting on top of it. A large bottle of dark liquid sat next to him and the smell of alcohol filled the air around Ashton. I let out a breath I had been holding in but Ashton kept his eyes locked on the city below us.
"I can't believe I leave so soon." Was the first thing Ashton said as I approached him.
"I know." I said taking as seat on the ledge next to Ashton. Feeling the urge I grabbed up the large bottle and took a good sized swig, letting it burn all the way down.
"Do you know why I came here?" He asked with his glossy eyes finally looking at me.
"No."
"This was the first place I realized I was in love with you." He admitted and I felt my chest tighten again. "You were so innocent and it was the first time you drank and I couldn't drink because I wanted to make sure you got home alright. I just wanted the best for you, I still want nothing but the best for you." He rambled on and reached out to brush away a tear I didn't know had fallen.
"You are what's best for me." I mumbled and Ashton hung his head sadly.
"It's not going to be easy leaving you Luke but I have to go." He said sadly and the pain in my chest increased.
The most painful part of losing someone is wanting them to stay so bad. You want to be selfish and beg them to stay when you know in your heart that they have to go. How could you ever beg someone to give up their life just to keep them close to you? The answer is, I can't.
"Distance can work Ashton." I blurted out and Ashton's eyes met mine again.
"I love you so much. Just know I'm just a phone call away Luke. If anything gets too much to handle I'm always there for you." He admitted with a slight slur as he laced our fingers together.
"I love you Ashton." I said leaning to plane my head against his beating heart.
"It beats for you." Ashton whispered and I wrapped my arms around him tightly. Only five more days until holding Ashton would be a distant memory. Just the thought of it made my chest tighten up again.
"To tell you the truth I fell in love with you that same day." I admitted quietly making Ashton look down at me with a smile. His eyes scanned my face momentarily before his lips pressed softly to mine. We pulled apart prematurely as my phone vibrated in my pocket showing a text from Calum.
"Who is it?" Ashton asked.
"Calum, he drove me here and he says it's getting late." I mumbled and Ashton giggled with a smirk.
"Well he can wait an extra ten minutes." He whispered in my ear with his hot breath tickling my neck. Our lips attacked each other desperately and before either of us chickened out we shed our necessary clothing.
Still coming down from our highs we piled into the backseat of Calum's car. Ashton fell asleep against my chest and judging by the smirk on Calum's face, he knew what we had just done. My hand rand through Ashton's messy hair making him stir only slightly. It was so sad that our time was running out so fast but there was nothing I could do.
"I miss you already." I whispered against Ashton's forehead before leaving a small kiss against the skin.
Five more days until I couldn't kiss Ashton on a daily basis. Five more days until my world changed forever.
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I'm sorry this is so short. But the last 4 chapters will be longer and full of a lot of emotion
It kills me that this story is coming to an end.. I've worked so hard on it.
I love it so much and I love you all for reading it even though it sucks haha
Until I update again :)