The day began with a groan, a moan, and a sigh as I rolled over onto my other side. Double potions, I thought, absolutely fabulous. It was the worst possible outcome for any Friday, spending two long groanings, moaning, sighing hours with Professor Snape as he was stuck with a class of 5th years who had finished their potions owl, yet still, was reluctant not to teach the class the subject he loved so much.
I was the last one up. It didn't take me the longest to get ready, and I would have instead of been rushed than to get prepared with the rest of my roommates.
It was easier to slip your clothes on and brush your hair quickly. Simply more efficient to begin your daily routine than doing the same with the judgemental glares of teenage girls in the early hours. I threw on my robes, grabbing a croissant as I walked by the kitchen, greeting each one of the house-elves with a "Good morning" and a "How are you". If I didn't I would have felt the guilt of always eating with them in the kitchen, the only thing I could ever do to show my thanks was to treat them as I would anyone else and I could tell through the bright gleams on their faces every morning that I was doing well.
This morning was an exception to the rest as I was ready miraculously early. Looking down at my wristwatch, I realised it was far too soon to head to potions. And Professor Snape wasn't exactly my go-to teacher to enjoy a pre-class conversation.
So I took the route outside and enjoyed a walk in the early summer. A new wind whistled softly, and the Scottish breeze brought a chill that fought with the heat of the sun's glaze. The lake brought gems to the surface that sparkled into my eyes from a distance. The forbidden forest loomed, even on days as beautiful as this I couldn't help but shiver at its presence.
But it was too blissful of a day to dwell on the darkness, as the forbidden forest was simply necessary to such a landscape, and perhaps I needed it as a reminder that beauty can't compromise to be all good. Things full of grace and evil aren't nonexistent.
I walked with feelings of great joy, of pure ecstasy of such a day, quite the morning. Nature had enveloped me and began the day with the highest of highs, at the top of the mountain. But this could only mean I had to come down.
Returning to the school, I fell into a smaller boy. He was younger as his figure was one of a boy who was simply approaching puberty. Hair of pure white, his eyes pierced silver, his skin pale and deathly. "Filthy Mudblood," he muttered, as he picked himself up, brushing himself off and scowling at me.
This still affected me, making me brim with hatred at the cold-hearted Slytherin opposite me. Instead, I just sighed, attempting to walk past and ignore him.
He didn't let me go that easily. "Hey Muggie, what's that?" he chuckled sourly, as I turned back around and saw he was pointing right at me, right at the book I held close to my chest - a muggle studies textbook. His words were spat bitterly, "Why does a Mudblood like you need to take muggle studies? You should be the one teaching!"
This was followed quickly by giggles and sniggers from his gang, and an arrogant sneer from the boy himself.
It is so tempting to retaliate, to snap back. But I pull myself together, appearing unbothered and turning back to walk away.
"Making your run Muggie?"
I rolled my eyes, shouting back at the boy while I walked away "clearly the grease from your hair has got into your eyes, Malfoy!"
He scowled, and I gained a couple of snickers from students walking by.
However, I had been so distracted from my walk I had turned up late to class after all, which I only discovered when I entered the room, and everyone else was already sat down.
"You're late." is spat from the mouth of Severus Snape, who hasn't failed to emphasise every single syllable precisely.
A shiver cruises through my spine, "Sorry, Professor, I was held up by some boys." I couldn't quite admit it was really as I was talking a walk, and besides, it was easy to make myself a victim in this scenario, which ultimately I could have been.
"Right." Snape sneers sarcastically, and a couple of boys at the front sniggered. I realised that their interpretation of being held up by boys was different from mine, and I didn't exactly have the reputation of being popular around anyone. "Detention Griffin."
"They were calling me a Mudblood!" flies out of nowhere, and I hold my mouth as I realise what I had said. Instantly the atmosphere changes, looks of disbelief changed into looks of pity.
Snape's snow-white face was flushed with ruby and scarlet, almost as if this insult mattered more to him than me. "Could you tell me who had called you this name, Miss. Griffin?"
I couldn't believe it. Professor Snape being... Nice? Yet I knew when I announced the name, things could go either way. As snape always had a soft spot for the boy of his house.
Snape struggled to contain himself, as he took deep breaths before concluding: "come back at lunch, I shall have a word with you and Mr Malfoy."
I now went to sit down and had two options. Usually, there was a spare desk where I could sit by myself at the back of the classroom; however, this was already occupied by none other than the golden boy himself, Cedric Diggory. He stared directly at me, smiling softly, gesturing for me to come and sit by him. I glared at him back, not understanding why he was being so suddenly lovely to me and took the seat at the front next to my archrival, Alissa Hodgkin.
She didn't seem too happy about this, yet, it wasn't like there was anywhere else I could have sat.
-
I returned to the dungeons for my meeting with Snape and Malfoy, and my heart was racing just approaching. The turnout was unlikely going to be bad for me somehow, no matter how badly snape reacted, would he still punish a Slytherin?
I waited outside, Draco already there, leaning against the wall with a permanent expression of bore stapled on his face. "Why did you snitch on me Huffle?" Huffle? Well, it's better than 'muggie'...
Only a few minutes passed until Snape finally saved me from the awkwardness and the lack of comfort that occurred around Draco Malfoy at this moment. We both take a seat on the other side of his desk. I sat upright, on the edge of my seat, ready to leave. Whereas Draco, on the other hand, edges his chair away from me and slouches back, his arms crossed, almost like a spoilt 8-year-old who had just been told off.
"Draco," Snape begins, "Do you know why we are here today?"
Malfoy, lacking in emotion, simply states "Because I called her a Mudblood." Draco just wants this session over, and in his mind, he's still not in the wrong.
"And why is this unacceptable Mr Malfoy?" a chuffed feeling runs through my veins - is Snape taking my side?
Draco answers cluelessly, does he not understand how wrong he is for using that phrase? "because it's not a very nice thing to say?" his reply is almost sarcastic.
"I will be deducting twenty house points off Slytherin for this behaviour, and if I get any more reports of this, I will not hesitate to take you off the Quidditch team. Do consider this a severe warning." Draco and I both stare at Snape, utterly shocked.
"You can't be serious!" Draco uproars, sitting up in horror.
"10 more points Malfoy." Snape responds, Malfoy aggressively slumping back down in anger. "and, you have to apologise to miss. Griffin."
"I'm sorry," Draco states, meaninglessly.
Snape sighs, "Not good enough but let's not do any more damage. You may both leave."
Draco storms out as quickly as possible, leaving Snape and me alone.
"No means to be rude professor, but I never thought you'd be so serious about this?" I felt my words coming out wrong, but from the solitude look on his face, I could tell he understood.
"We all have secrets, Miss. Griffin." and before any more can be said, he exits the room, leaving me to shut the door and go. I am left with utter confusion and curiosity brimming.
-
What I didn't expect was to be approached by Cedric Diggory later on that day, on my way to the kitchens to get lunch after the meeting with Snape and Malfoy. "Hey Elise!" he called, running up to me. I stopped, rolling my eyes, what could this possibly be about?
"Why didn't you sit by me in potions?"
I gave him an odd look, "what's it to you?"
"I don't know," he shrugged, "just you must dislike me a lot to chose Alissa Hodgkin over me."
"We're fine now-"
He interrupted, sensing my lies. "No you're not, you two loathe each other, it's obvious." I stayed silent, breaking eye contact and looking at the ground, hoping it would make him go away - it didn't.
"Just we've never really spoken before elise, and I just don't like the thought of people disliking me." he tried to reason, he was beginning to annoy me now.
"I don't dislike you."
He sighed loudly, "You must-do if you would rather sit by Alissa than me, come on."
Perhaps I haven't been evident on why I was so reluctant on sitting by Cedric, but truthfully, I just didn't want anything to do with the boy. He was part of the popular guys, the ones who were never particularly lovely to me; the ones who I would rather avoid altogether.
"Well not everyone is going to like you in this world though, are they?" I responded, bitterly, just hoping he would soon walk away, back to his group of friends.
"Yes, but, just." he stumbled, his words fell apart. Why did he care so much about maintaining some kind of status, a trophy from being someone everyone likes? And through that, I wanted to be the singular person who founded dislike for him, and I did.
"Just bugger off Diggory, I dislike you because you expect people to like you automatically." And perhaps I was blinded by jealousy as I barged past him and left.
-
Perhaps guilt was insidious, as the more I sat there in the kitchens, munching on my sandwich, as I found myself back and forth, juxtaposing myself with two new concepts. One - Cedric needed someone to push him into perspective. Two - I wash too harsh on a boy who might have simply wanted friendship.
A friendship? With the golden boy Cedric Diggory? The most popular guy in our year? That couldn't have been right, surely. How could of that even been an idea in his mind. I was the complete opposite of him, I was the girl in the year that nobody spoke to.
I was misunderstood. And today I sat by the girl who made that possible instead of the boy who could make things different.
Though it's too idealistic. Sitting by Cedric wouldn't have changed a thing. And nobody should think so highly of themselves they should assume everyone should like them until proved otherwise.
I was simply doing him a favour.
-
When I returned to the Common Room late that night, after hours hiding away in corners of libraries in pages of books, I was met to an unusual crowd of people sitting round in a circle in the Common Room. Usually, everybody would be in bed, but a group of the sixth year 'popular' kids, some even belonging to different houses, gathered in the centre, by the fire. Laughing, drinking even, possibly smoking.
I found myself staring at disbelief. This late hour belonged to me, nobody was ever up when I returned, and I don't know why I disliked it.
I naturally made eye contact with Cedric, who looked at me naturally, too. It was tense, his eyes narrowed and ushered me away. I left, but not without a look of disgust.
Crawling into my bed and slipping on my pyjamas while under the covers, I couldn't help but fall asleep to thoughts of sitting by Cedric in potions, becoming friends naturally and instead of a scowl a smile and an invitation to sit up in the Common Room with his friends this night. A ticket to popularity - friends, people, fun. It seemed too idealistic, which made it all too easy to fall asleep.
I was woken up by a few of the girls returning into the dormitory, they entered but slipped outside just before. Almost as if they had entered the wrong dorm. Almost they hadn't, as I knew those voices too well. Luckily I had good hearing and listened to the conversation.
"I can't believe it."
"What?"
"Cedric was rejected by Elise Griffin."
"It's her loss, sorta proves how much of a weirdo she is."
"I mean I thought she was just shy, but perhaps after all these years Alissa was right."
A girl chuckled, "Yeah, I guess."
They wandered in shortly after. What jerks.
-
I believe Diggory for some reason told all of his group about our encounter because now they are all being especially sour to me and calling me out. I had hoped after the Alissa incident the calling out had died down for good, but it appears it's back again and bigger than ever. Whenever I walk by when Cedric's with the group, I hear these new same calls. "Aww Cedric, it's Elise Griffin, the girl you'll never be good enough for." Perhaps they sound like they're taking the piss out of Cedric, but believe me, it's anything but.
My usual old hiding places were found, and that mysterious room appeared again, as it always does. I sat in there for hours, reading its books, eating its food, and so on.
But despite being able to hide several hours in there, I still had lessons. A feud had been created between Diggory and me, and we weren't even speaking. Alissa jumped on the train straight away, and the next thing I knew, I caught her straddling Cedric's lap at lunchtime and making out with him passionately and furiously.
It only took me one glimpse to turn around, disgusted by what I saw and incomplete knowledge that it could only get worse.