I felt a pain in my side, my chest, and head. My entire body went weightless, and my heart seized up. I was twirling through the air. Then, the ground got closer and closer. I passed out before I hit it.
I woke up feeling the same terrible emotion-filled way. I felt incredibly sad but nothing at all. I was exhausted. Wait... I was touching someone; they were touching me. I couldn't open my eyes; they were too heavy. I was leaning back against someone. Their arm was around my stomach, cradling me. I was moving, like on a horse. My instincts shouted to run, shadow travel, just get away, but I realized something good: rosemary, warm. Armin.
I felt awful, but having him hold me made it better. At least until the voices of my mind started arguing.
Left Brain: That's it. Stop it.
Right Brain: What? Why?
Left Brain: We'll get nothing other than hurt.
Right Brain: You don't know that.
Left Brain: He'll take our heart.
Right Brain: He can have it.
Left Brain: He'll break it.
Right Brain: He wouldn't; he's too sweet.
Left Brain: We'll get hurt.
Right Brain: So? He's worth the risk.
Left Brain (rolls eyes and faces Right Brain): I've kept us safe for this long. Listen to me.
Right Brain (faces Left Brain): Listen to me. Survival mode is turned off except for when in combat. We need him to survive everything else. He's worth the risk.
Everything except the feeling of Armin's soft, warm touch and rosemary scent faded around me. I was going to be okay; Armin was going to protect me from anything and everything. He had all of my trust.
I don't just give that out.
I slipped asleep thinking about all his small things: the way he looked at me, the twinkle in his eyes; the way his iris pattern seemed to move when he was thinking, the way he smiled at me, his laugh, the way he held himself, the way he held me...
Finally, Right Brain won over Left Brain. I love Armin; I cant's lose him. I'll protect him the way he protects me. I'll try my damnedest to be there for him the way he is for me. I'll do everything I failed to do before. I'll tell him about everything if he asks. I'll do everything for him. I care about his happiness more than my own. I need him. I love him more than anything, except maybe my family. I love him.
I woke up to see Wall Maria nearing. I felt much better but still a little shaky from being weightless in the air. I could manage flying on Agro, tall buildings, and the walls, but I couldn't handle weightless three-ish meters above the ground. Nope.
I was still against Armin's chest. He really was a fantastic pillow. His arm was still around my stomach, holding me close. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He looked ahead to Wall Maria with his hair flying behind him. Ugh, why so beautiful?
I finally decided to let Armin know I was awake rather than stare at his face even though I liked to. "You're a great pillow."
He looked down at me, his face slightly red. "I, ugh, I didn't think it would be good for you to be on Agro unconscious by yourself and, ugh, I don't fight. Will's got a lot of people to heal too so, I um-"
"You're a great pillow," I repeated with a laugh. I snuggled closer to him. "Thanks for everything." I meant it; I meant it for the hugs, when we first met, the kindness, the acceptance, the everything he had done for me.
He looked sort of lost. "You're welcome. I'd do anything for you."
"Oh." I forced down the blush that attempted to rise to my cheeks. We looked at each other for what felt like hours but was probably only a few seconds, but I got myself lost in the details of his face: the way his eyes curved, the lines around them, his little nose, his lips, the way shadows fell across his face...
"I'll never let you go if you don't want me to." I could hear my heartbeat. Blood rushed through me and roared in my ears.
Do you have any idea what that means to me? Do you have a single clue? How are you doing this to me? Gods, I love you.
I put my arm over his and laced my fingers around his. I wanted to tell him to never let me go, but in reality, he'd probably have to. Dad said we might not able to take them back right away. I loved him and that was the end of it. That meant I was I willing to hurt myself to save him.
I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly. "We're going to be okay now, aren't we?"
"You and I are going to be okay. I know it."
Aaaand I felt tingly.
We had arrived at Wall Maria and stopped for a few minutes. Armin gave me a hug before going over to Erwin. I giggled to myself as Will ran over to me. He started looking me over as Nico ran over. "You're okay?" Nico asked.
"Of course." I looked over to Armin. Will had a smirk, and Nico tried to look like I ship it and I'll break him if he hurts you at the same time or he was constipated.
Once Will finished checking me over, he hugged me tightly before going off to heal others. Nico talked to me for a while before sitting down and falling asleep. Will sat down next to him, and they leaned against each other. I went over to Annie.
"I heard you got hurt."
"Yeah, I'm okay now."
"'Cause your boyfriend took wonderful care of you," she sassed with a smirk.
"Not my boyfriend but yeah."
"Your boyfriend," she reiterated.
"Does that make him your ex?" The smirk on her face twisted to a snarl. "Fine, whatever."
"Go talk to your boyfriend." She smirked again.
"Maybe I will," I sassed. I turned on my heel dramatically and flipped my hair as I sashayed away. I noticed Armin was watching me and went over to him. I looked at his hair, his eyes, his nose, and finally, my eyes stopped at his lips. I felt a sudden urge to kiss him. I couldn't though.
"Hi," he said eventually.
"Hi yourself." I became aware of how cold I was and pulled my cloak tighter around me. Armin's eyes moved over my face slowly, and I desperately hoped he was doing the same thing as me. He raised a hand and lightly touched my hair. Memories of dad dyeing it flooded back to me.
The purple was faded out, but he still looked amused by it. "Like it much?" I asked with a smile.
He didn't answer at first and just twirled it in his fingers with a small smile. "Yeah," he said softly. His eyes slowly met mine. His eyes had a bit of hollowness caused by past trauma. I knew the look well because I saw it in the mirror all the time.
I smiled at him, and it wasn't forced. It felt natural. His eyes shined a little bit before he wrapped his arms around me. The way he held me didn't make me feel trapped; it was warm and protective. His arms invited me to get closer, but there wasn't any insistence. Warmth seeped into me like I had come in off the streets and received hot chocolate. I held my arms around his lower back and leaned into him. He had one arm around my lower back and one around my middle. When I finally stepped back from him, he put a hand to my cheek. I flinched slightly, and he looked sad. "Sorry."
"It's not your fault." His voice had a note of melancholic truth. "No one's gonna hurt you ever again; I...I won't let them." He sounded diffident but sure.
"I know." The way his fingertips felt against my cheeks felt like they were shaped to be together.
My mind raged. Stupid wars behind my head and above my throat. I ignored it all and did what I wanted. I looked into his eyes and felt myself smile.
"I like it when you smile."
I laughed softly. He laughed a little, and his eyes showed amusement and maybe even joy. I breathed in his scent of rosemary. "Sina, I-"
He was cut off by a loud whistle. It was Reyna. "I'm sorry. We can talk once we're back." I put my hand to his cheek for a second before joining her. Will pulled Nico up and strolled up to me, Nico trudging along behind him. Will poked Nico's side, and Nico smiled slightly despite himself.
"This time, I'm going to be ready to fight for or with anyone who needs it. Sina will stay with Levi. Nico will be positioned more towards the middle to make up for it," Reyna announced.
We nodded and prepared to leave.