Nellie was always one to get overwhelmed. It came with the emotions she had trouble controlling, and she was working to get better at controlling it all by herself. That was a new ordeal for her, too, and it was unbelievably hard. Luke was always good at keeping her check. He was good at grounding her when she overwhelmed, or when her emotions got the best of her. It was part of their dynamic.
Well, now, Nellie was more on her own than she was in a team effort. That might have explained the tendency to stress easily. She had a lot on her plate. And she wasn't alone in the same way she would have been a few years ago. She had an actual child to take care of; and don't get her wrong, motherhood was a gift. But single-motherhood was an entire other story—if that's what Nellie could even call it.
"Nellie, that dress is fine, just like the last one was," Michael said, making her glance over her shoulder in subtle annoyance. It was the third time she had changed her outfit for work that day, but she couldn't really help it. It was something she found herself doing just about everyday.
"You know what? You're right, this one is fine." She mumbled, picking up her shoes from the ground. She put them on before she picked up her daughter, the little girl squealing as she kissed all over her face. She smiled when Nellie pinched her cheek and spoke to her, the look on her face always warming Nellie's heart. "Michael is gonna watch you, baby, and he's going to be the best babysitter ever; isn't he?" Nellie asked, making the girl give a bouncy yes. Nellie smiled at her once more before she kissed her cheek and handed her to the boy.
Michael looked at Nellie as she picked up her phone, her demeanor changed entirely. He knew she thought it would go unnoticed, but it never did. All he could do was reassure her, just like always. He was like a new, but nostalgic, player to her game. Kind of like a classic who would always have her back.
"Nellie, you're gonna crush it today," he said. Nellie smiled softly, leaning down to kiss his head too.
"As are you."
"Actually, I crush it every time; don't I, Gemma?" he said, making the little girl laugh as she hugged his arm. Nellie rolled her eyes as she smiled at the two, taking Michael's word for the truth. After that she knew she had to go or she was going to be late, and Nellie was notorious for such a thing.
Michael came in handy for keeping her from that, too. He knew she needed this job for more than just money. She needed it for her own peace of mind. Without it, he knew she would have too much time to think about literally everything she was, in blatant terms, repressing. She was starting to think that Michael might have been a better team player than Luke, but she also didn't love Michael the way she loved Luke.
But that wasn't what Nellie had on her mind as she drove herself to another day of work. She had other things cluttering her thoughts, and that was truly what her problem was. She didn't really have any means of real distraction besides it, which still managed to stress her out like everything else did. And that day she was really only more stressed than usual because of who she knew she had to talk to. But, she wrote it off as just part of her job, and it was. And even then it all just circled back to how she needed it more than anything.
Nellie didn't completely hate her job. She actually kind of liked it. It was in a building with a view and she got to write like she always loved doing. It was centered around sports, which was something she wasn't as much of a fan of; but it was crazy how being forced to work with something built up a new found appreciation. And Nellie didn't really have a choice but to be open to new appreciation.
When she got to work, she felt overwhelmed all over again by the mess at her desk. She didn't know why it suddenly felt like a train had ran through it all, but she didn't have any time to figure it out. She was already about to be late for an interview that she needed in order to get more assignments like it. So, she took a deep breath and picked up her laptop.
"Hey, Nellie," someone said, making her glance up as she picked up a pen and notebook off her desk too. She smiled at their person, a coworker of hers. His name was Pete, and he was at the desk right next to her. She would have considered him a friend, but she wouldn't have considered him (nor wanted to consider him) anything more than that. She assumed he understood that, and it made her enjoy his company somewhat.
"Hey," she sighed, offering him a smile, "how are you?"
"You know, just like always," he said, smiling for a moment, "how about you? You seem—busy."
"I guess you could say that," she mumbled, the new folder on her desk already giving her a headache. Nellie glanced at the time before she mumbled something under her breath. Now she was officially late to her interview. "I'm actually late," Nellie said.
"I won't keep you," Pete said, "lunch today?"
"Definitely," she said, making him smile before he rushed her along, the girl waving over her shoulder at him as she made her way down the hallway. Pete shook his head at her as she walked away, the girl feeling slightly more at ease after their brief conversation. She hoped that such an ease would stay with her as stepped into the conference room.
The person on the other side of the room rose from their seat when she stepped in. He smiled at her as she put her things down, reaching his hand out for her to shake. They had already known each other, and he was well aware of it as he shook her hand.
"Nellie Marie," he chuckled.
"Jared," she said, letting go of her hand. She still wore the slightest of a smile when moved back over to her things. He sat by her as she opened her laptop, the man keeping his eyes on her as she stared at her screen. She glanced up at him over it, raising an eyebrow as he gave her a tight lipped smile. "Is there something I can help you with?"
"Just waiting for my first question," he said, leaning back in his chair. Nellie wasn't convinced, but she didn't say a word about it. She took a seat once she had her document open, reading off her first question, which was something about stardom and how he felt about the sudden spotlight he had.
Jared hesitated with it, and Nellie wasn't sure why he would. It was a simple question only asking him about being in the top of his conference. Jared just didn't seem to care for it, and it was going to make the experience that much harder for Nellie.
"It's an honor, per se, kind of like I worked so hard under the shadow of countless others for so long," he finally said. He still looked like he had more to share though, yet he hesitated with the rest of it, too. "It's bittersweet, though," he continued, causing Nellie to look at him confused.
"Why do you say that?" Nellie asked. Jared merely smirked at her, giving her a shrug as he folded his hands behind his head.
"You would know, wouldn't you?" He replied. Nellie purses her lips when he asked her such a question. She did know, and he knew that she would have. He witnessed her experience first hand, and she couldn't help but think that's what he was referring to in the first place.
"Well, the article that I'm writing isn't about me," she said.
"Fine," Jared said, sitting up for once, "it's bittersweet because I see the rise and fall of others during my own rise. A good friend of mine—I don't know if you know him, Nellie," he said, again, knowing well she knew exactly what he was talking about, "he was at the top of the world when he was in my spot—granted he's still got a big name. I won't say it though. Heard it's a sore spot for people."
"Get to your point," Nellie said, looking more pissed off than anything else.
"He had everything I had, and he still has half of it. But I still feel like he lost the most important part of it in the name of his passion," Jared shrugged. "I guess my point is, it's bittersweet because I know what I have, but what I could lose lingers over me."
Nellie rubbed her forehead when he was done talking, eventually caving in and typing what he said. She couldn't help but add a few profanities to her notes, but who could blame her. She could have said them to Jared, but she kept her composure instead. He watched her as she did it, the girl's expression being easy to read. He felt somewhat bad about it, but he was already seeing so much of the same mantra from Luke—who was the friend he didn't fail to mention.
"Are you single, Nellie?" Jared asked, abruptly.
"Doesn't matter," she mumbled.
"And why's that?"
"Because you aren't, and—more importantly—your friend is not," she said, trying her best to keep her composure as she did before.
Jared wasn't going to give her a bad review even if she snapped at him. He knew it was rightfully deserved if she did. Nellie's whole life was her trying to catch a break, and she felt like she hadn't caught one in months.
"How do you know I'm asking for him?" Jared smiled, "Maybe I was asking for that guy that sits next you out there."
Nellie only gave him a look, smiling slightly despite her efforts not to. She didn't see Pete that way, and she didn't believe that Pete saw her that way either. She took it as more of a sexist comment, but she didn't have the biggest advantage of calling that out during her work hours when she needed the role she was now playing. But then again, Jared was technically a friend.
"Pete is just a friend," she said, "I think it's a bit sexist of you to assume that I need him as anything more."
Jared only hummed in response, believing her more than he wanted to admit. He leaned back in his chair again as Nellie prepared to ask her next question. Only, he beat her to it, and asked another of his own.
"Have you met her?" Jared asked, referring to the girl Luke was supposedly seeing. Nellie hadn't had such the pleasure, and she wanted to tell Jared that in all the sarcasm she could muster up, but she also didn't want to talk about it. It bothered her enough. Nellie simply ignored his question and asked her own. Jared only stuck her own actions back on her afterwards.
"Not a lot of people like you make it this far. What kept you motivated?" Nellie asked. Jared only shrugged.
"She's dumb as shit, Nellie," Jared said, making Nellie look at him. He laughed as he put his hands up in defense, the girl shaking her head as she awaited the answer to her question. She didn't get one. "Actually, for the record, if you ask him, they're not together."
"Right. So, like, my question was—"
"Put that one on the record, baby. Wouldn't want you to forget it," he said as he picked up her pen and tapped her notebook. Nellie took her pen back gently before she closed her laptop. She looked at Jared as if she was tired, and her heart really was. Nellie had been doing her best for a while, she didn't really have a choice. She was still trying to find her even ground, and here Jared was; shaking it all from under her feet.
"Jared—"
"What happened, Nellie?" He asked, changing the topic fully. He sounded serious now, his tone and demeanor changing from when he spoke about the fling. Nellie pursed her lips, shaking her head before she gave the same response she gave to everyone else.
"Things just didn't work," she said. It wasn't a complete lie, something didn't work. One specific thing. But before that something happened, everything was working just fine. They were supposed to get married. And then, the way everyone else saw it, everything simply fell apart.
"But that doesn't make sense," Jared said, watching Nellie as she stood up. It didn't make sense to him much less anyone else. Especially since a few weeks before things fell apart, Nellie and Luke were still a couple—one that was engaged for that matter—flirting way past sunset at a party Jared hosted.
"Listen," she sighed, "you're here for me to do my job. Not have a therapy session. So I'm going to take a break, and when I come back, I hope you can just let me do my job."
"I hope you can just hear me out," Jared said as Nellie left her things where they were and stepped out of the conference room.
Part of her was worried that he would say something about her walking out, something that would get her in trouble. But another part of her really needed some sort of fresh air for her wounds to feel better. So, like usual, Nellie took a moment for herself. God knew she needed it.
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Time was a bitch, and change was just as repulsive to Luke. He had been through enough change in his life—oddly all change he led to. But pity was a man's best friend and he had plenty of it for himself. He always kind of had, but when it came to how he treated the ones he loved, he was down for the count.
As ironic as it sounded, he was working on it. He wasn't doing the best. He kind of sucked at it, but he was never the most romantic. He needed to communicate better, too. And he needed to be there for who mattered. He knew who did matter to him, one of which was Nellie—which was another thing on his list that didn't change. The new change to his list came with his daughter, but with how Nellie was feeling, it was harder than ever to treat the little girl like she did matter.
Other things changed, too. His hair was longer, something Nellie never got to give her full opinion on. And he had new ways of coping with his change. All of it was something he should have thought twice about, but the actions were temporary just as his numbness was. And all of that was why he still fought. Granted, it wasn't even his most insulting form of solace. Fighting was what had gotten him there in the first place.
He found it ironic that the one thing that had strangely brought him Nellie, tore her from him, too. There was a part of him that was still bitter about it, but there was also a part of him that felt the same way that Nellie did. He still did the same things he always did when he got overwhelmed, and it didn't offer him the same solace it did before. He knew that it was because Jules wouldn't have agreed with the choice he made; and he knew Lindsey wouldn't have either, which is why she got the same things just didn't work story.
It was late when he was in the gym then and, granted, he didn't really have anything to go home to. So he stuck with what he had, the sport doing a cheap job at clearing his head that night. He hadn't booked a fight in a short while, the action behind his own personal choice. He hoped the lack of bruises would make Nellie more willing to open the door for him to see his daughter—even if that wasn't the true reason Nellie didn't want him over. It truly had nothing to do with Gemma, and Nellie knew this in the back of her mind. Luke didn't realize it, and it bothered him that Nellie herself didn't even want to see him.
Nellie was truly just saving herself from the hurt everything gave her without seeing his face. She saw enough of it at her place of employment with how big his name had gotten; she didn't need such a quite literal reminder. He was sick of being put on hold, knowing that he was missing the best moments when Nellie shut him out. And even if Gemma was taken out of the equation, Luke was still just as pissed because all that meant was Nellie didn't want to see him.
Nellie did want to see him, though; she wanted to see him the way she saw him before. She wanted things to go back to the way they were before just as much as the next guy. She just never exactly gave him the chance to try to fix it, and rightfully so. And because of it, Luke was hitting the punching bag in front of him just as he did every night. There was something angrier in his movements then, and he wasn't quite sure what it was. He just knew how he felt, and this was the safest way for him to let it out.
He only felt himself get more frustrated when nothing in his head changed; when all he felt was the sweat on his skin and the crawling feeling of loneliness. He hit the bag in front of him relentlessly, hoping that something would change in the feeling it gave him. It didn't. All it did was make it worse and soon it counted as the second one he'd broken in a month. He sighed as he looked at it, taking his gloves off before he sat on the ground.
He ran his hands over his face, the sweat sticking to his skin as his knuckles started to burn. He caught his breath while he sat on the floor, the lights starting to give him a headache. He didn't know it, but he was starting to feel some of the sense of overstimulation that Nellie was.
Surprisingly, he had someone to ground him. Before he had Nellie and, ironically enough, now he too had Michael. The only difference was, Michael helped Luke with more discreetness. He didn't want Nellie founding out, and who could really blame him? Still, that was all Luke had, and it was sparse compared to what he needed.
Luke stood up soon after the thought of loneliness crept up on him. He shoved everything into his bag without a care, taking the chance that he left something behind. At that point, he didn't care. He just wanted to get home, hoping that sleep would offer him the peace that his choice wasn't.
And everything simply ached once he got there. Half of it being his literal wounds, and the other half being his emotional ones. Once he was there, he was tired enough, but even so, he still had a lot on his mind. He dropped his bag on the ground, the action leading to a quiet thud on the floor. He rubbed the back of his neck as he stepped up the stairs, pulling out his phone for the first time since he had gotten to the gym that day.
He had a text from Michael, and he was hesitant to open it. Luke was still curious though, it had been a while since Michael reached out to him. He assumed it was because Nellie was onto him, but Michael didn't know how to approach him once he heard about whatever girl Luke was using to cope. To Michael it felt like betrayal to Nellie.
Luke bit his lip as he opened the message, furrowing his eyebrows at the lack of words in it. It was a few images, all of his daughter, and Michael sent them without a single sense of context. Luke stopped at the top of his stairs as he scrolled through the photos, the sight of the little girl making his heart skip a few beats. She still looked like a miniature version of her mother, the same big eyes and pretty freckles. The pictures didn't only make him miss Gemma, they made him miss Nellie too.
And he felt it deeper as he stepped down the hall past his bedroom to the little room with the baby pink walls. The small room was where his daughter would sleep through the nights. He hadn't turned the light on in the room in months now, and he still didn't then. It was more than likely covered in dust, which was just another thought he hated. The frowned as he closed the door behind him, looking at the crib that stood where it did a while ago. All the toys he had brought Gemma sat in the corner, all waiting to be played with.
He walked across the room to the little dresser Nellie had picked out. He hated it. He hated it when they brought it, but he didn't tell Nellie because she loved it so much. It was just a compromise he was willing to make for her. It made his throat tight to think about it, and to think about the clothes that were still in the drawer, waiting for him to attend to with his fatherly duties. Except Nellie didn't give him the chance to. And all he really wanted was a chance to.
He felt bothered at the thought. Just another one of many. This time it felt a little different, because he didn't want to choke this one down just because he still loved Nellie. He couldn't choke it down if he loved his daughter, and he did love her. He didn't know how he couldn't when she copied every little trait of her mother. He picked up his phone after that, sitting against the wall by the toys. He looked at his contacts for a while, like he was too nervous to do what he really wanted to do. Being nervous wasn't going to help him see his daughter, and he realized this as he sat there.
He finally hit Nellie's contact, putting the phone to his ear as it rung. He didn't expect her to answer, it was late. Later than when Nellie was usually up. He kind of hoped she wouldn't answer, he wasn't sure how much ground he could hold against at her that night. He missed everything too much to actually have her answer, because he knew if she did, he would cave into her every word. He'd done it before, and he woke up regretting it.
Lucky for him, Nellie didn't answer. And for a second, he couldn't figure out if that's what he really wanted. He didn't get much time to think about it because a few seconds later he was hearing her voice from the message on her voicemail anyways. It was soft, and welcoming; and he couldn't help but feel like she wouldn't talk to him like that anymore.
"Hey, it's Nellie. I'm sorry I missed your call. I hope you'll leave a message."
After the tone rang, Luke left his message: "Hey, Nell. Call me when you get this. I miss my daughter, and I know it's not the first time I'm asking," he said, rubbing his face as he spoke, "I'll give you a few days to call me back, and if you don't I'll see you Saturday morning. I'm sick of being the shadow," he continued, sounding somewhat more pissed off than he did when he started. Even so, he finished his message with a different tune, and he always kind of had. "I love you. Tell Gem I love her, too."
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y'all really thought it was over but a bad bitch never reveals her secrets
hello long time no see
im literally so freakin excited ive been writing this nonstop, neglecting my other stories
lellie is back, sort of. not really, they're actually quite apart and quite in shambles but this is why we're here; to see them get back together to be the oh-my-god-y'all-are-so-cute-im-gonna-puke couple that we all stan!
i hope y'all are excited and will actually love the hell out of this bc sequels are so risky like do people still care? it's been a year since i wrote the epilogue and it turns out i lied about how i didn't have any more of a story for them and yet here we are (maybe? idk how many of y'all are truly here but mvps hey girls)
hopefully my lying didn't derail ur trust in me because listen this was heart wrenching to write but luke still said i love you so who is really doing terrible? tell me that.
ok that's enough out of me. i love u and ive missed u so much.