"When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't."
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《BE SURE TO READ THE AUTHORS NOTE AT THE END!!!》
I nearly couldn't contain the shock I felt the moment I opened my bedroom door and he was standing there waiting for me. Was this really all just planned out? I turned my head looking at my brother in complete and utter shock and all I got in return was a victorous smirk, which I most definitely repaid with a dirty look. This was never good, I hated being surprised, I didn't even plan out what I needed to say to him, well I did. About a million times. All those days I went off by myself, I didn't just think about nothing. In fact for the past week, my mind had been nothing, but G. I missed him so much and I deserved to feel that way, because if you look at things from the right perspective, I didn't deserve him, not in the slightest, yet here he was standing in my bedroom door, looking as cute... And nervous as ever and I was stuck dumbfounded, confused, guilty, and silently loathing my sneaky younger brother for ambushing me. I wanted to hug him, catch him up in my arms and never let go. Just seeing Gaelyn there at the door made me want him even more than I ready did... and I don't mean this in that way. I honestly just wanted to give him the love he is so deserving of but after all the stunts I've pulled I was doubting I would ever get that chance.
"Hey."
I replied quietly, glancing into his eyes for a moment searching for any taste of that bitter anger I had met about a week before.
"Well you guys... talk, I'm leaving to go downstairs."
Mark stated, slipping past myself and G and trotting down the steps. I wanted to push him down the stairs for doing this. I swallowed hard, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly as I stepped back silently inviting Gael into my bedroom.
"I'm going to be honest I don't even know where I should start, I've fucked up... I've fucked up badly."
I mumbled softly, only daring to glance up at him for a short moment as the smaller male seated himself on my unmade bed.
"Well I won't say you're wrong."
G answered my statement, there was no anger in his eyes, just honest sadness and disappointnent. My face flushed completely and my throat felt stiff. The one thing I had grown to cherish the most was suffering emotionally because of me. When you're in the heat of the moment you can never really tell the consequences of your actions... Well at least I always had trouble with it.
"Val... Can you at least tell me why?"
Gaelyn's voice sounded so disheartened, it made my gut twist painfully with guilt.
"I-I don't know. I mean I know, but I don't know how to put it into words. I was jealous as hell. I'm not going to lie to you Glyn, but I hate Raymond. A-and that cockiness he had in his voice when he told me about your plans with him just egged me on so much, Gaelyn, I've had a crush on you for a while now. I want to be the one that makes you happy, that gets to be the main cause of that smile on your face, but I don't know... How to cope? Is that the right way to put it? ... I don't really know. Anytime I get jealous I hate the feeling so I try to throw it away, drown it in old habits and pleasure and I never thought I was actually hurting you but I know I am and I feel absolutely horrible about it. What I've done is completely and utterly unforgivable and honestly if you hate me for it, I understand, I deserve it. But I guess I'm hoping you won't? In the end I'm just trying to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a horribly jealous person. I'm sorry for being so malicious when all you were doing was honoring a previous engagement. And I'm sorry for dragging your heart the way that I have. If it counts for anything Gael, I care about you a lot, even though I've been terrible at showing it, it's the truth."
I took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly, silently refusing to fidget. I needed to stay focused on the problem at hand. Gaelyn's blue eyes were fixated on me, I could tell he was thinking hard about what I said, that slight furrowing in his brow was the give away, I could handle that. What I couldn't handle was the way his eyes grew glassy. Filling with water as I dug up every little thing I had done so far to hurt him. A light breath left his lips and I swallowed. Gael stood up and walked a few paces across my room and stopped. The suspense of waiting for him to speak was killing me, yet I hadn't been waiting for more than a minute. He had to wait over a week for me to gather up the balls to say something and even then... Mark brought him to me.
"You know Valac, I kinda get it, too. I get the jealousy... Seeing you run off, girl after girl, multiple failed attempts of convincing myself you weren't doing what I thought you were, knowing that there was some part of you in there that was better yet it just refused to come out? Yeah, that wasn't easy either."
Gael's voice was crisp and cold, like the sensation one gets when sticking a hand in fresh snow. I looked at the other male and glanced back down. The shame was too great. Just looking at him hurt me, knowing that I had twisted his heart as much as I had. There was a pause and I lifted my gaze once again, watching Gaelyn close his eyes briefly, his fingers tightened on light colored shirt he was wearing and then he relaxed. I mentally braced myself... here we go again... I was just grateful he was actually bothering to speak with me in the first place.
"Raymond- he's just a friend, Val, and I don't mean that as a bullshit excuse from a drama flick, he's just a person in my life who I think is cool. Yeah, I admit he shouldn't have rubbed in the fact he was hanging out with me but..."
But what? Yeah you're right he shouldn't have. Little shit. I mentally added, hugging my pillow against my chest and I tried to anticipate what was coming next.
"And, you know what?"
The laugh that followed that question jarred me and I shifted uncomfortably, forcing myself to continue listening with out a verbal response.
"You're completely and utterly right. The stuff you did was despicable and horrendous and- and just disgusting."
I visibly flinched at that one. I mean it was painful when I repeated it, but when Gaelyn confirmed it. It honestly felt like someone twisted my balls. It was a sharp... piercing ache. It burned... goddamn the truth is a bitch, but regardless of my response his gaze never broke. Not once. It was like he had focused on on my soul.
"It really fucking hurt, what you did."
"I know."
I murmured a quiet response, feeling both relief and fear in the softer tone G has reverted to. This was either forgiveness or the end.
"And do you want to know what the worst part of it is? For me?"
My lip quivered, this entire week felt like it was crashing down on me all at once. I knew damn well this conversation was going to be a hard one but I never imagined it to be this gut wrenching.
"No... I don't."
I responded honestly, staring into that gorgeous blue gaze.
"It's that even after all you've done, I still like you, Val, I really do! I still want to laugh with you. I still want to be hugged by you. I want you to hold me. I want you to kiss me, and tell me things you've never told me before. I want you in my life more ways than one. I want you. But I'm scared, Valac. I'm terrified."
Gaelyn's voice quivered as he reached the end of statement and I bowed my head. This wasn't the end, it was the start of a fix... it was a shock as well. I did not deserve to be treated fairly by Glyn in anyway shape or form and he still wanted me? I wanted him too. I wanted to hold him in arms and kiss away the tears that now freely soaked his cheeks. I wanted to comfort him and tell him everything was going to be okay, but the worse part of all of this is the harsh realization that the reason he is crying is because of you.
"I'm afraid that- that if I forgive you and give into what I feel you'll fall back again into those habits that broke me down in the first place."
He's terrified of trusting me and I'm the one that made it that way. G took in a heavy breath, and wiped his tears away. My eyes followed his hand, and I barely noticed him getting closer until he spoke again. My head snapped up and our eyes met. What I found was surprising, but at the same time expected. Fear. He was afraid of me. I had caused so much damage already.
"If I forgive you here and now, will you stop this?"
Gael studied me closely as he presented his question, as if he thought I was going to him once more. You couldn't blame him, but at the same time-
"Can I trust you with my heart, Valac?"
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Author's Note:
1. a MAJOR MAJOR THANK YOU to therealgoogleplier_ for providing me with G's amazing reaction to this entire situation. I couldn't have done this chapter without her. She's an incredible writer and I highly suggest you go check out her story "Revival" it only has a few chapters so far but its aMAZING.
2. NAME CHANGES!!! I'm sure while reading this some of you were like what??? So basically Dark in this is my AU version and his real name is Valac... hence why he is now going by Val. And as for Google his name has changed from Ganon to Gaelyn, which honestly is way cuter!!!
Anywho that's all for now. Happy reading!!!